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| |.----..--.--. .-----..' _| -O- (____) |
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| \ .-----..-----..-----..---.-.|__|.----. |/ \/\_/"\._)/ \
| -- || -__||__ --|| _ || _ || || _| ( (__{(@)}\_) )
|_____/ |_____||_____|| __||___._||__||__| |\_/ (/(_)\_))_/
======================|__|=================== ______|_( (__)_)_/ )
June 26, 1999 No. 13 Vol. 1 /_________\_/ | \_/
Editor : Mystaric |/ /' |\ /'--'--'
Printer: Bede | (| \/ | |
STAFF : Allison Anaisse Apollonia Brakko | `\ | -o-
Conran Cyniq Dacoit Deevlit Elbanon | `\ `\ | ___|
Keroppi Kuah Louellin Mea Naeblis -O- `\ `\| /' ..')
Ranstlin Romanu Thabo Tunclon Vestia | __|`\ `\: ,' /'
============================================= /' _ /''`\ '__' |
Table of Contents ( .'./' | | -O-
`-' | | | |
Feature Poems/Stories | |/'
Quests Funny Bones | | |
Guild News Reunion -O- | | |
Announcements | \ / -O-
\/ |
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______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ _______ ______ ______
| (__ () | _) \ | ---| \___| . |_ _| | | () | \___|
|______)______;______/ |____| |______;____|_| |__| |_______;___|\_\______;
-------------------- The Cry of Despair Feature Story --------------------
Slowly awareness returned, the inky blackness receding, memories of times past
crashing home leaving senses numb. He had done this before , oh how he knew
the truth of that, done this countless times and now it was thrust upon him
to repeat what he knew would come. Seth dropped to one knee, his gauntleted
fingers clutching weakly at the sword that blazed at his hip. How he hated
this wait, the minutes limping along with a cruel innocence, for he knew
that in time those who had come before would come once again. He knew
the power that raced in his veins, knew that in times past he had been a
mighty god, but he also knew that it did not matter. He would die, as he had
time without end, and for all his strength their was nothing that he could
do to alter the fate that had been placed on his shoulders. He chuckled
to himself grimly, he would die well, his memory tugging at his brain,
their were times that he had prevailed. He knew this to be so. But all in
vanity, doomed to fall only a short time after, the fallen warriors
returning in some spirit form, flesh as he, but revived unlike himself.
Returned to kill, and kill they did. From a distance a shout floated
through the corridors of his palace and he stood reluctantly. "Quicker,
this time," he thought to himself, their was not much time. Frantically
his mind raced. Was their no end to this torment? Surely whatever powers
had placed him in this never-ending cycle of rebirth had provided some
manner of escape, he knew that their was always balance, always an
exit to the entrance. The shouts grew louder ,closer, the sound of ringing
steel echoing in the distance. Seth sat on his throne and placed his sword
softly onto his knees. He knew that this place must be outside of his world,
brought here? Seth stood, their was not enough time, it was too soon.
They were here. Time slowed as the door splintered open, gouts of flame
engulfing Seth before he could move, the flames whining as they swallowed
air. Without thought, Seth banished the flames and drew his sword, the room
filling with armoured and robed men. Seth stood calmly in the center of the
room and smiled.
The men charged forward, attacking from all angles of the room,
their screams of anger and fright hammering at the senses. Seth spun
stretched his hand, flames enveloping a young cleric near the back of the
room. Her screams were rapture. Sword met sword and Lifesbane hissed, the
inferior steel of the burly Dwarf to his right splintering at the contact,
and Seth drove forward, his fist punching into his armoured chest, the
shocked eyes of the dwarf widening in death. Behind him a dagger stabbed
into his thigh and Seth spun low, his massive sword splintering bone and
flesh, the screaming of the young thief singing in his ears, blood and
bone splattering the wall behind him. Seth drew in his will and sucked
the warmth out of the air before him, the noble Elf warrior shrieking as
his skin cracked as it froze, his hands frozen halfway to his face as they
splintered and broke. A hot wetness splattered up into Seth's eyes, his
breath catching as he stared down at the point of an arrow, half it's
length protruding from the center of his chest. He reached down and broke
the shaft, his face contorting in pain as he looked up and spotted the
archer, well away from the battle, calmly shooting arrows into the fray.
Two of his own men lay to the side, arrows sticking from them, but the
archer never blinked, arrows streaming into the fray. Seth parried an
overhead chop of an axe, ducked under the sweep of a sword and ran for
the archer. The archer's eyes widened as he reached for an arrow, his
surprise evident and quickly turning into panic. Fumbling the arrow he
dropped his bow and turned to run. Seth grabbed him by the neck and picked
him off his feet slowly. Lifesbane drove up and true, impaling the archer
on its point. Seth turned and calmly looked at the remainder of his
attackers. Their were too many, too many to take the place of those that
fell. Already his chest heaved with the exertion and he knew that it was
finished. He understood. He understood that these men were no warriors.
They were meant to tire him for those that commanded this rabble. They
walked through the broken door, faces calm, a faint smile playing on
their knowing lips. Seth drew Lifesbane and stepped forward, death would
feast on this day.
The battle was a whirlwind, the pain of the final blow jolting
his limbs. The cheers of the men filled his ears, his vision blurred
with the blood that dripped into his eyes. 'I must remember,' he screamed
to himself, the hands of the victors pulling him up and down, his
armour being removed roughly. There was an answer here, though it danced
away from his reason, there was an exit to this madness and he would find
it. Though it take an eternity, his fingers spasming as pain racked his
chest. He would find it.
Slowly awareness returned..
Written by Naeblis
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Quest Central
Quest Results
Hidden Contest
Contest was to find as many brandish-able items as possible.
The Winner with 57 brandish-able items was Orpheus
Create-a-Word Quest
Below are the entries for the Create a Word Quest. A winner will be
Announced next week.
Fuddism (noun)
1. Language that originally came from english but certain letters
convert to the letter "w" for a cute type of language.
2. Talking like Elmer Fudd
Examples or Exwamples
Oh really? = Oh weally?
I love Sylvester Stalone in Rambo = I wove Sylwester Stawone in Wambo
maybe, I don't know = waybe, I don't woaw.
Reinso
My word is a unique combination of Dragonslayer and Redneck (like me)
You see, we here in the south tend to use many slangs.
Words such as y'all, reckon, and yonder are somewhat native tongue
We also have many unique terms of disdain such as dag'gummit, dagnappit
dadburnit, et al.
So, in the name of dragonslayers across the southern United States
I would like to submit:
DRAG'UMIT!
Eein Awl Seincerity, Yer suthern belle,
-Amoria Whitewind
Poot
Definition: (N) The white stuff that forms on the side of your lips
when you are very thirsty or when you just wake up.
(V) to poot; To turn into the white stuff that forms on
the side of your lips when you are very thirsty or when
you just wake up.
(Adj) pooty; Being or acting like the white stuff that forms
on the side of your lips when you are very thirsty or
when you just wake up.
Examples:
---------
(N): Wipe the poot off of your face so I can kiss you already!
(V): Oh...my...god...run! He's pooting!
(Adj): I can't eat dinner mom, you made it too pooty this time.
Anyways, that's my word and definitions. Hope ya like it, its part
of my vocabulary now :)
Tangarth Harthlen
Arguticulitis - A severe condition found in some people who argue too
often. Usually causing sore throat, tense muscles, headaches and
on occasion causing the person to become disoriented and have swelling of
the head.
Politis - A disease aquired by someone who is polite too often.. Causing
severe strain in mouth muscles used to smile, knee ache from kneeling,
headaches from smiling and nodding.
Asbras
zib [noun]
1. someone who smells so bad, you gag just to see them online
2. putrid shrimp left in a fridge for 2.54 years
zib [verb]
1. pass some gas without a sound, but people KNOW you passed it
2. have a train of thought completely about bad smells
Beccalyzie, Lady of the Night
Korithism Pronuciation: ???
This word may be used as a noun or verb due to its extensive definition.
Definition:
1) to act as a "Korith"
2) to wear strange things like a fig leaf in public
3) to create strange ideas that sometimes work
4) to act in a strange inventive manner
Tyran
Super-cuddaliscialistical
Definition : you
Super-Snuggalistialistic
Definition : you
oh, and not you-oriented:
Shwaden :
Definition : a sexual act involving a towel
Shiden :
Definition : the lair of a abuzel
Abuzel :
Definition : a small type of monkey
Shabanjivanelokish :
Definition : a un-translated Russian word which translates into :
A monkey that is turned on by being tickled by the bottle cap of a cheap
bottle of brandy.
Crevan
Canestelit
Meaning: An item that a thief has just taken. (can-steal-it)
or an item that can be stolen ..
Asbras
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[ __. .*| _| __ / | |._. _| _ ._. __ / / `| _.._ __
[_./(_|||(_]_) / |__|[ (_](/,[ _) / \__.|(_][ )_)
GoP News
Best of luck to new GoP questors and a big welcome to Asmodius, new member!!!
GoT News
The Guild of Thieves sincerely apologizes for not placing this
last week. But would like to announce that Kuah has been
elected our new second. Congratulations Kuah, and thank you
for all the hard work you have already put in the Guild.
Thanks bunches,
Elisabet
GoM News
A voice from the darkness says 'My Gods!.. We have a weiner!'
Well, not yet. But the Guild of Mages has started voting on who shall take
the new spot of Guild Second. The results should be in the next issue.
Watch for them.
The Guild would like to say farewell to Tamalain, who has left us, and
the mud for a greater purpose of his own.
In the same breath, the Guild of Mages welcomes Valacar and Thessin as the
newest vimci..initiates, and extends its welcome to those awaiting induction:
Tazoul and Octavia
Sagashi and Wendel stepped in as two temporary Guild of Clerics mages in the
GoC and GoA vs. GoD and GoW Pkill on June 23rd. Despite losing, they both
echo the same reply of having fun, although regretting that they weren't very
prepared for it.
-Kayah
________________________________
/ , _ /\
. .' | /|/ \ _ _ , |_/
:`...' `.,' ' | |__// \_|/ /|/|/| / \_ |
`. ' .**. ; ; ': \ | \_/ |_/ | | |_/ \/ \
` ``:`****,' .' : \ \
..::. ``**":.'' `. | \|/
.: `: ; `,' : | _, _| \||/
`: ` : ; | / | /|/| / | \||/
: : : ; / \/|_/ | |_/\/|_/ /\||/
: : : .: | | \||/
: : :..,' ``::. | | \||/
`....:..' ..:;'' \ \ \||/
.: . ...:::: | () _|_ _ ,_ o _ , | \||/
,'''''``::::::: | /\ | / \_/ | | |/ / \_ | \||/
`:::: | /(_) |_/\_/ |/|/|_/ \/ | \||/
`::. / | \|
`:: __/___________________________ / ||
. ,. ::::' / ,.. / / |
.'.' ``. :: \ .'.. `. \__/ '
' .: :: ,'.' .--------------------'
.' ,' .:::::: ,.' .:::.
.' .' ..:' ::: ., .;'
With its intensity, my devotion reigns over me. It is the master of my
existence - invading every thought, dream, hope, prayer and intention. I am
enslaved by my heart, which is no longer mine but rests in surrender in the
tender hands of you who so effortlessly swept it away. Now I am an eternal
prisoner of my heart's loyalty to you- this prince who has found the path to my
dedication. My lips have been moistened by your tender kisses and yet doused
with tears that I have cried for only you. Though my flesh has glistened with
sweat from our passion's strength, it is by this same power that I have been
brought to my knees, trembling in weakness. My heart can make music far beyond
any that, before you, caressed my ears, but only when the purity of my love
with my heart's voice. And yet it is this very purity that leads me to a place
of awe within myself where I can only stand speechless. The unmatched power of
my devotion can send my spirit soaring higher than it's ever flown or it can
render me lifeless -- seeking to find visions of things that I alone - without
the eyes of love - cannot see. In the midst of my world's madness, there is
my love, giving me a glimpse of peaceful tranquility and I am sent whirling
around wildly in a spiral of serene, yet chaotic, paradise. The burn of our
passion's flames has given life to what had never lived and yet this fire that
holds the power to kill my very spirit. The weightless breaths of "I love you"
when you whisper to me, fan those flames, keeping my heart and soul and spirit
warm, even when you are not here. The truth of our love brings a glow of light
to the deepest, darkest parts of me - profound places that were once concealed
by the impenetrable shadows of loneliness and solitude. Spaces inside me - once
untouched by emotion - now overflow with tender teardrops that my heart has wep
for the anguishing sweetness of our love's full, bittersweet embrace.
--- Amoria Whitewind
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| __| | | | | | | | |__ ______ ______ ______ _______
|___| |______;____|_;____|_;___ | | . | ) | | \___|(_ (_`
--- funny - bones --------- |______| |______;______;____|_;______|__)____)
Kuahs Friends:
Today I sit here on the edge of a fountain in the training grounds
of the Academy. I am here to meet a special friend this day. In fact
it is a member of the realms we all have met. Most of you know him
simply as a slimy slug. But those of us who care, those of us who
take the time to stop and pet the dread wolves, we know him by his
true name, Sal T. Hurtz.
Sal arrived and sat, well more like oozed, next to me and let out
a sigh. I could see the pain of time and battle on his face. I know
he likes nothing more than scrounging up a meal or teaching new would
be heroes a lesson, but he took the time out today so we all could
learn just a little more about him, and our Realms. And isn't knowing
half the battle already?
Kuah: How many have you fought Sal?
Sal: Other than some uppity dragon hatchling whom many of these knights
in training and want-to-be merlins take scales from, I'd say I
have seen more than any other being in the realms. There is no
number I could put on it. I remember kicking your behind along
with my good frineds the naga cousins many moons ago. But it is
not the number I care about, its getting these whipper-snappers
off on the right foot.. well foot or claw whatever the case may be.
A few moments passed as I took in his words. I watched his trail dry
and sparkle in the sun. The sounds of training and the patter of
little feet echoed as the battleground teemed with life. Such bliss.
Only to be inturpted by some young warrior yelling at a cleric 'That
was my dread wolf you looser!'.. ahh youth.
Kuah: Your favorite story?
Sal: Oh There have been so many. Take that loud mouthed little warrior
over there, the one with the big pumpkin head. Head so big gnome
scientiest have discovered it helps with the orbit of the moons
and the timing of the tides. He is my story, teaching him how to
fight, giving him that needed experience. But I also think back
to the clerics who cast spells on me, helpful defensive spells
and warm spells of healing... only to start kicking my tail the
moment they run out of mana. But I would not trade it for all
the damp sewege under Darkhaven. It is what I do, I teach.
We sat silent watching a vampire trying to feed on a bone naga. The
vampire was the victor. And he soon moved along. When the naga was
pretty sure no one was looking he stood up and dusted himself off,
gave a wink to Sal, and walked in the opposite direction.
Kuah: What was that all about?
Sal: I will let you and the Realms in on a little secret. You know the
Avatar of Thoric who spe...
Torkorin's backstab DISEMBOWELS a slimey slug!
A slimy slug is DEAD!!
A slimy slug catches its guts in its hands as it pours through its fatal
wound!
Torkorin gets 100 gold coins from the corpse of the slimy slug.
Torkorin sacrifices the corpse of the slimy slug to Thoric.
Kuah: WHY! What did you do that for?!
Torkorin chats 'Level!'
Torkorin floats west.
Kuah: Sigh.. well I'll see you next time as I let you get to know even
more of my friends in the Realms... sigh...
Kuah
Funny Titles
Yosho is just plain spankable. (Order of Baali)
Bele wants to become a slacker but is too damn lazy.
Iseult would like fries with that, please. (Order of Ascendere)
Jari, killing in the name of Britney Spear's implants..
Kreel the Lamb Chopper.
Naro the bodyguard, aieeeyaaa....I always love youuuuuu.
Megareus The Half-hearted Halfling Halfwit.::(..CMP..):.
Odessyus Harthlen looks up his own skirt (Sgt: #2, OoT).
Talona is a healing slave..... save her.
Ikeusavan: quitters never win, but we get laid more often. (Order of Dragonslay
Upocmakil the statname wannabe (Order of Baali)
Grenclimix has been getting better, and still sux.
Preia is right. Wait a minute..that's not right IT|IOQC (Order of Ringbearers)
Kraklin is Flushels, the toilet cleaning clown!
Jannalynn the blindned accidentally killed something. (Nosferatu)
Mercid says 'Who says I'm lazy, I just don't feel like it...
Derkmet is lazy for your own good.
Gereandile: I'm not your normal everyday fool... (Order of Baali)
Eeris WhiteBlood is going to stop procrastinating, soon.
Zaemond is wrong...cuz he's a guy ON DUTY
Georg can resist anything but temptation.
Magusi threatens you with poo on a stick. (Order of Ascendere)
This wont hurt... . .
much . \ \
\
_________________________/---\
_________________________|||||
\___/
,#####,
Realm's Clerics #_ _#
make miraculous |e` `e|
advancements in | u |
Anesthesia. \ = /
|\___/|
___ ____/: :\____ ___
.' `.-===-\ /-===-.` '.
/ .-"""""-.-"""""-. \
Completely Useless Trivial Facts
The average chocolate bar has eight insects' legs in it.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered
blood donors.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the
word you want.
A snail can sleep for three years.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough
sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left-handed.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The author of the above useless facts is unknown (however i suspect they
are extremely bored)
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#: .' .' o--o 5th `. `. :#
#: ..' . | | o `. `.. :#
#: ..' .'# O-Oo o-o o o o-o o-o o-o #`. `.. :#
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#`. .'###|\_ o o o-o o--o o o | o-o o o /|###`. .'#
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###### For more information on the RoD Reunion see help reunion. ######
########################################################################
O o
/ \ |
o---oo-o o-o o o o-o o-o o-o o-O-o o-o o-o -o- o-o
| || | | | | | | | | |-' | | | |-' | | | \
o oo o o-o o--o o o o-o o-o o o o o-o o o o o-o
ANNOUNCEMENTS
The CoD has a public board for you to post suggestions and ideas for the
paper. The board is located in our New Front Office which is located
e,s,u,u,s,w,s from dh[].
To: All
I would just like to say thanks to the CoD staff for giving me something
entertaining and informative to read every week. Good job, and keep
up the good work :).
--Odessyus Harthlen (Number Two, Order of Templars)
A note from CoD staff:
We received several comments from people that were offended by some of
last weeks poll answers. While we apologize to anyone offended, we don't
feel it would add to the quality of the paper to censor responses to our
questions. However, we do appreciate your comments and suggestions so
keep them coming in!!!
Staff of CoD
Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down