==============================================================================
Cry of Despair, Issue 91 January 2005
==============================================================================
- From The Desk Of The Editor - by Sarakin
- Kill Blow Of The Month - by Vortok
- Ideas For (Belated) Christmas Presents - by Aslan
- Christmas Cracking Jokes, What A Present! - by Aslan
- A New Dawn, 2005 - by Aslan
- Lessons From The Headmaster: Poison - by Karkarov
- Funnybones
- News From Around The Realms
- Nations News - via Romani
- Orders News
- Cry of Despair Quest
- December's Quest Results - by Alysira
- January's Quest - by Korim
- From The Quill Of Alysira - by Alysira
- Public Outcry
- Cracked Cask Casino - by Cyril
- Advertise in the Cry of Despair
- Join the Cry of Despair
- Wedding Celebrants
==============================================================================
Page: 1
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Desk of the Editor By: Sarakin
==============================================================================
Another year gone by, another great issue of the cry.
I should be a poet or something! Anyway, we have lots of stuff packed
into this issue, so as usual we all hope you enjoy.
P.S Look out for the Cry of Despair website, on a server near you shortly!
Sarakin
==============================================================================
Page: 2
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Kill Blow of the Month By: Vortok
==============================================================================
Why you don't taunt during circle lag, then sleep to be sarcastic...
Jubei wars 'just like the good ol days'
Skia-[1422-1658hp|87-align|365/500lbs|S|sty-S[|]
Jubei quaffs a violet flask from a wanderer's satchel.
Your circle _demolishes_ Jubei!
Skia-[1422-1658hp|87-align|365/500lbs|IS|sty-S[||||]
Jubei leans over the fountain's stone border and drinks deeply.
Jubei floats northeast.
Jubei flees head over heels!
<1422/1658 305/338 S day [11] Y IS>bs 0.jubei
Jubei seems to get a laugh from something saying, "heh heh heh".
Jubei collapses into a deep sleep.
Jubei is now afk.
You gain 20 experience points from your success!
Your backstab DESTROYS Jubei!
Jubei is DEAD!!
Bolts of blue energy rise from the corpse, seeping into you.
Jubei hits the ground ... DEAD.
==============================================================================
Page: 3
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Ideas For (Belated) Christmas Presents By: Aslan
==============================================================================
Vampires: A fine crystal ankh bottle containing warm blood.
Mages: A new ability to fashion mana from cups of stale coffee.
Augurers: A toy deck of cards they can use to perform magic tricks with.
Warriors: A collection of this years finest crafted weapons and armour.
Nephandi: The new top of the range pentagram-deluxe with increased summoning
power.
Thieves: A new book entitled 'Thievery made easy in five steps' by I.R.nicked
Paladins: New upgraded festive robes with the livery of the higher lords on it.
Druids: A book entitled, 'The art of Trees..' by C.p m.down.
Rangers: New compound bows with poison tipped arrows.
Fathomer: Ah the blighters are wanting a new vast pirate ship to sail the
seven seas.
Clerics: A book entitled 'Healing for the masses...' by J.r.Sick
Bladesingers: New swords from the Gucci-Sword fashion range.
We hope that this gives some helpful ideas for those stuck and in need of
urgent presents.
==============================================================================
Page: 4
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Christmas Cracking Jokes, What A Present! By: Aslan
==============================================================================
What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph
Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen
What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games
in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbonhood
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog.
==============================================================================
Page: 5
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
A New Dawn, 2005 By: Aslan
==============================================================================
The damp, cold mist lifts gradually as the sun rises in the new dawns air.
A sense of peace and calm lingers heavily, like an invisible blanket that
covers the sleeping realms. Creatures of all shapes and sizes slowly wake
as life takes form again the world. Stores around the land open and merchants
begin their daily chants and bantering, hoping beyond hope to score that
elusive special deal with a keen adventurer. In the Guilds and Orders the
silence of slumber is disturbed by the early members plotting the future
with the excitement and bright eyes of a child playing with a new toy.
In that flittering peace, that may only last a second, a ghostly voice can be
heard in the crisp air, wishing you all a Welcome to 2005
==============================================================================
Page: 6
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Lessons From The Headmaster: Poison By: Karkarov
==============================================================================
A new book in our household this christmas 'Horrible Science - Painful Poison'
has set me thinking about poison in the Realms. There is a stark contrast
between the real life methods for applying a poison and the methods we have
available here in the Realms.
Basically, the only method of poison we have here is a spell ..
the nature of the poison varies according to the skill of the practitioner
but the method of delivery is basically magic, even a Nephandi desecrated
cookie in the end, casts a spell when something eats it. Of course, the
only way we have to remove a poison is the counter magic of the remove
poison spell (and class variants), or of course the shotgun approach of
dispel magic. Having thought about this for all of about 5 minutes, I wonder
about the possibilities of introducing poisons with only specific antidotes
avaible, for example a snakebite from some particular mob which could only
be cured by death .. or the appropriate anti-venom. I feel it is certainly
an interesting idea.
==============================================================================
Page: 7
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Lessons from the Headmaster: Poison By: Karkarov
==============================================================================
Poison must be the single most effective spelldown. Big mobs which can be
poisoned are rapidly humbled by a good poisoning. The big difference between
poison and any other spelldown is the time factor. The longer a mob remains
poisoned, the more effective the spelldown becomes. This leads to the common
run method of 'poison and wait', many young avatars have been known to use
this method to kill mobs such as Shade and Artemis, mobs which otherwise
may have been too hard for them are rendered almost defenceless. The affects
of poison are generally a steady reduction in the ability of the mob to
defend itself. You will find that your weapons hit much more often on a
properly poisoned mob than a healthy one. It is also rumoured that a poisoned
mob is less capable of casting spells at you. I will leave the truth of that
last statement for someone else to determine, apparently some people like
analyzing their fights in excruciating detail.
There are few classes which don't have their own form of poisoning ability,
although debate rages daily about the ineffectiveness of the poison skills
in some of the classes (Ranger and Fathomer for example :P). Even the
non-magical thief class has the special 'poison weapon' skill. Again, the
effectiveness of this poisoning method is debatable, and off hand I cannot
think of any mobs against which poisoned weapons are regularly used. Perhaps
however the underuse of the skill has something to do with the loss of
the poisoned weapon through corrosion some short time after the poisoning
powder is applied.
==============================================================================
Page: 8
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Lessons from the Headmaster: Poison By: Karkarov
==============================================================================
For those of you who do want to try using the poison
weapon skill, I can recommend that you first adept it using ultra cheap
weapons such as boomerangs, or Darkhaven guards swords. Having adepted the
skill, now choose a real weapon for actual use. Remember the weapon will be
destroyed but the length of time it lasts depends on a few factors.
The level of the weapon, high level weapons will last longer magic or
non-magic, magic weapons will last longer, metal and blessed, I believe metal
weapons last longer than organic and those carrying the 'bless' flag will
also last a little longer. If you are so inclined, I suggest you grab
a few different weapons a stop watch and do some experiments to check it out.
In any case, a popular target weapon for poisoning is a Soulslayer, it is
easy to get, a reasonably high level and may even cause some damage to the
mob besides poisoning it.
==============================================================================
Page: 9
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Funnybones: Immortal Ranks Submitted By: Pheayre
==============================================================================
-----------------------------------[ IMMORTALS ]------------------------------
Just in case Lopuis will never stop loving her, MMmmM necrophilia. (Deity
of Catarrh)
lower case [AFK] edmond: see the penny, not the plane. [Council of
Elders]
Brief case Cappadocius. (Deity of Inconnu) [The Symposium]
Basket case Ceirana. [Overseer of Guilds] (Ascendere) [Head of
Neophyte Council]
Violin case Romani de Carpathia-Umbramnia loves Herne. [Nations Advisor]
(Deity of Sanctus Irae)
Test case Altrag; Prophecy of Dragonflies. (Baali) [Code Council]
On the case Kinux Talier. [Tribal Lord] [The Symposium]
Suitcase Aylssa Bela Morte. (Deity of Excordis)
A joint to case Stoneheft Gemstone. [Head of Newbie Council]
Basket Case Kali. Hell is other people. (Inconnu) [Council of
Elders]
==============================================================================
Page: 10
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Half-orc Via: Romani
==============================================================================
The half-orc nation as a whole took a great OOC blow last month due to
the news of Grishnakh's departure from the mortal world. However, he
will forever be remembered in all of our hearts as the greatest, and the
original, half-orc of these realms!
On an IC note, Carnak has finally regained his freedom, claiming the
southern gate of Krozloy as his. The orcs of the mountain that
still remain loyal to him have been amassing, setting up camps within the
newly constructed wall defending the gate from Mount Krozloy and it's
territory.
As new gods replace the old, and the warriors of Carnak prepare
to fight their own in a bloody civil conflict, the fate of Krozloy
shall be decided. Who shall possess it? Who shall fall? Only time
will tell...
OOC: There are still roles open on both sides of the conflict. If
you are available, please contact Carnak via MUDmail or email at:
unknownentity111@hotmail.com to be casted :D.
==============================================================================
Page: 11
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Half-ogre Via: Romani
==============================================================================
From the Opallinoc News Bureau:
Dateline Opallinoc: Aftermath of Winter Solstice Festival
Alas, a new record was not set at this years Winter Solstice Festival.
The crowd was less boorish and boisterous than most years. A few bragging
Uruk'hai volunteered to retell of their great adventures of the year.
Things picked up as Meeka arrived with a fresh batch of swill and pickles
pork ears. A few rounds of the swill and some ill-gotten dWARven ale had the
usual result. Your reporter is healing nicely, thank you. The other melee
participants have all seen the healer shaman Hakupa and have only
throbbing, blinding hangovers to contend with. Just what was used in the swill
this year??? Meeka only cackled wildly in response.
No further new items until the pain is gone and my vision is clear again.
==============================================================================
Page: 12
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Half-troll Via: Romani
==============================================================================
*This note is written on some kind of humanoid parchment...*
This is warning!
Olog'hai has detected several Dunedain in T'man.
This not tolerated. Olog'hai will kill on sight, or capture, and then kill.
We not know why this intrusion. We will find out.
Bruk repeat: come to T'man again - face consequences!
Bruk, Dredd Lord and High Chieftain of the Olog'hai
*This note is signed with a muddy handprint, index finger missing.*
==============================================================================
Page: 13
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Halfling Via: Romani
==============================================================================
Small as children who don't sleep through the night
Mighty warriors who are brave in a fight.
We live by a creed of honor that withstands
the tests of time and the greed of man.
We are the Hobbits and our time has come.
To stand together, our great nation as one,
And usher in The Age of The Hobbits.
Part 2 of our newletter:
Well as long as I've lived and dont ask how long, Ive never taisted
better white
pudding then what was at our New Years White Pudding this year.
After plenty of wine, song and flattery i managed to get a few of the winning
recipies for you to try at your own risk at home.
Irish whisky white pudding
2 cups of cream, one -half cup of sugar stirred on medium
and thickened without scalding. Once thick take off the heat a bit
and slowly pour 1 cup of Irish whisky into the pudding without allowing
it to boil. When thick add another half cup of the whisky if you can spare it.
Take off the stove as soon as its thick. Serve over a wedge of cake.
==============================================================================
Page: 14
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Halfling Via: Romani
==============================================================================
Snowy white pudding
2 cups goat milk
2 goose eggs
1 cup sugar.
Heat together on stove, stirring, dont burn.
When pudding gets thick slowly pour in one cup of rum
a little at a time. One smattering of butter and one half cup
mead. Still on stove so it thickens, take off before it boils.
Now add two cups of fresh fallen snow and put pudding in our
cold celler. Take out and serve only to those who have
finished their vegetables.
Stuffed Ogre.
offer the finest rum to our captive ogre
feed him well with plenty of vegtables.
give him only our best meat and all
he wants to drink the night before.
Bath Ogre in warm soapy water, be sure to shave off hair and get
rid of as many warts as possible.
Place soft greens at the bottom of a very large baking pan.
give the Ogre another bottle of brew. Keep adding wood to the
fire slowly as the orge sings songs and talks to himself.
He is ready to serve as soon as he is done talking to himself
and snoring.
Have a great New year Everyone
==============================================================================
Page: 15
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Nation News - Gralthai Via: Aslan
==============================================================================
*Written on a fresh sheet of dragonleaf parchment with an ancient quill*
Dear Citizens,
It is a new year and a chance for new trading, allies and expansion of
our great Empire. The Gralthai are planning to open our trading passages
to the Human's as long as they abide by our laws. As the sun rises over
the start of the new year, who knows what magic, mystery and hope this
year shall bring us.
I have also taken up residence in the great city of Irae, along with
my closest council members.
*Signed with the symbol of the Gralthai*
King Aslan de C'ian
==============================================================================
Page: 16
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Order News - Ringbearers Via: Wren
==============================================================================
== , ==
<^^\()/^^> _/^^\_ <^^\()/^^>
\/ \/ < > \/ \/
* /__\ /.-.\ * /__\
== /\ * `/%\` /\ * ==
<^^\()/^^> !_\/ ,@.*;@, \/_! <^^\()/^^>
\/ \/ !_/I_|| /_o.I% _\ * ||_I\_! \/ \/
/__\ /I_/|*|| (`'--:o(_@; || |\_I\ /__\
/_ \ !//| | || /`;--.,__ `') || | |\\! /_ \
(- ) /I/ | | || ;@`o% O,*`'`%\ || | | \I\ (= )
\__/!//| | | ||* (`'--)_@ ;o %'()\ ||*| | |\\!\__/
/ \I/ | | | || /`;--._`''--._O'@; || | | | \I/ \
{_ __} | | | || /*,()-o`;-.,_ `""`) || | | | {____}
_!__|= || | *| | || /`,@ ;+% () o*`;-';\ || | | | || |__!_
_I__| ||__|__|__|_|| (`""--.,_0 +% @' %()\ ||_|__|__|__||- |__I_
-|--|- ||--|--|--|-|| /-.,_ ``''--....-'`) *||-|--|--|--||= |--|-
| | || | | |*|| /@% ;o:;'--,.__ __.'\ || | | | || | |
| |= || | | | || ;*,%(); @ % %^^;=`"`o;@(); || | | | *||= | |
| |- || | | | || /(); o^^-; % ().o@*%`;.\ || | | | ||= | |
| |- || | | | || `"="==""==,,,.,="=="==="` || | | | ||- | |
-|--|= ||--|--|--|-||__.-.----''#####---...___..*||-|--|--|--||- |--|-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^ `"""""`
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Merry Christmas to Everyone from RB And have a Happy New Year!!!
==============================================================================
Page: 17
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Cry of Despair Quest - December's Quest Results By: Alysira
==============================================================================
Last month, in honour of the holidays, I gave you six trivia questions to
complete. These two people had the most accurate answers, congratulations to:
Norelle and Skaphia!
Please see me for your prizes ASAP! Here are the answers to the questions:
1. What goes on the top of a Christmas tree? (Hint: Two possible answers)
Originally, I wrote the question as "What goes on a Christmas tree?" So I
accepted Star/Angel, Decorations/Ornaments.
2. What is the Jewish object which holds nine candles during Chanukkah?
Menorah
3. What day does the celebration of Kwanza begin?
December 26th
4. Name all of Santa's reindeer. (Hint: There are nine!)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph!
5. Which island will be the first to see the New Year?
Pitt Island in the Chatham Islands, a dependency of New Zealand. It used
to be Kiribati, but in 1995 Kiribati moved the International Date Line so
that the entire country was West of the line, therefore they see every New
Year 27minutes later than Pitt Island now.
6. What is the name of the plant which you must kiss someone under?
Mistletoe
Thank you to everyone who entered, please turn to the next page to see
this month's quest, written by Korim!
-Alysira
==============================================================================
Page: 18
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Cry of Despair Quest - January's Quest By: Korim
==============================================================================
Well, this is it folks: the month of truth.
The big '05 has hit us, but not all is lost. You still have time to mend your
ways.
This month's quest is sweet and simple. Share your New Year's resolutions
with us and you'll get them published in the Cry of Despair, free of charge!
Not only that, but you'll also win the month's prize. How much easier could
it get? Here's the catch: we want originality but only resolutions relevant
to the Realms - although we're sure several of you have made great real life
resolutions for the year, we don't want to hear them.
So, if you're planning on stepping up in the Realms world, we want to hear
your plans for it. If you're planning on quiting that late night beer and
pipe adiction down at the square, we want to hear about that too.
The two most original resolutions will be selected as winners.
MUDmail your resolutions to Alysira and Korim by the 30th of January.
Start thinking!
==============================================================================
Page: 19
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
From The Quill Of Alysira By: Alysira
==============================================================================
Greetings, Readers!
I hope that everyone had a most fantastic Holiday season, whatever you
celebrated. I hope that everyone had a wonderful New Year too! It's the one
holiday which everyone across the world, no matter what your religion, seems
to celebrate the same way; party and alcohol!
Only a small issue this month since everyone was too busy enjoying their
holidays. For shame, huh?
Have a fabulous year 2005 everyone!
-Alysira
==============================================================================
Page: 20
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Advertisement: The Cracked Cask Casino By: Cyril
==============================================================================
Come to the Cracked Cask Casino for all of your gambling and financial needs,
featuring 3 levels of jackpots. Delanna hosts the 100 mill and 1 billion coins
jackpot game in the west room (Darrek's Corner), Adryanna hosts the
"Set For Life" slot machine, featuring a minimum jackpot of 25 billion coins,
located in the east room (An Ale Room), and Magdeline hosts the 5 billion
jackpot game in the north room (The Upper Bar). In the south room, Vitarla
hosts multiplayer blackjack.
For those who wish to sell or buy equipment, there is Orestes the Auctioneer
and now banker. Items with a * can be bought, and the prospective seller can
put their item up for sale or for auction for as little as 1 hour or as long
as 14 days. There is a listing fee of 10K per item per day, with a 1% sellers
commission if the item is sold. Orestes now features interest paying accounts,
with a minimum deposit of 5 million coins, and higher interest rates for
deposits over 100 million and 500 million coins.
Orestes also sells heal potions, tanksets, truesight, sanctuary, demonskin,
and dragonskin. Look at Orestes for current pricing.
Stock certificates which pay monthly dividends are also available on Orestes.
The dividends are based on monthly casino volume. They can also be sold back
through Orestes as well. Dividends are paid on the first of the month for the
preceeding month.
==============================================================================
Page: 21
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Advertisement: Advertise in the Cry of Despair
==============================================================================
/---------------------------------------------------\
| /-----------------------------------------------\ |
| | | |
| | Have something important to say, but don't | |
| | have anywhere to say it? | |
| | | |
| | Consider advertising in the Cry of Despair! | |
| | | |
| | Organization leaders, wedding planners, | |
| | anything and everything appropriate will be | |
| | considered, formatted to your liking, and | |
| | posted here free of charge! | |
| | | |
| | Just MUDmail your announcement to Alysira, and| |
| | you'll receive it back just as it will appear | |
| | in the CoD, open to changes if neccessary. | |
| | | |
| \-----------------------------------------------/ |
\---------------------------------------------------/
==============================================================================
Page: 22
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Advertisement: Join the Cry of Despair
==============================================================================
/---------------------------------------------------\
| /-----------------------------------------------\ |
| | | |
| | Are you looking for a new challenge in life? | |
| | | |
| | Want to meet interesting, and even not-so- | |
| | interesting people? | |
| | | |
| | Want to discover new aspects of the game? | |
| | | |
| | Want your voice to be heard by the whole MUD? | |
| | | |
| | And... Want to get paid for it all? | |
| | | |
| | Then look at a career in journalism! Send a | |
| | short application and sample article via | |
| | MUDmail to Alysira if you're interested in | |
| | joining the Cry of Despair staff. | |
| | | |
| | Hope to hear from you soon! | |
| | | |
| \-----------------------------------------------/ |
\---------------------------------------------------/
==============================================================================
Page: 23
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Advertisement: Weddings
==============================================================================
Need a priest for marriage officiating? tired of being charged or delayed by
others? Now there is no longer that problem. Contact Aslan or Ashima for free
professional officiating. Times and conditions will apply.
-No charges, even if postponed
-All themes accepted/workable
==============================================================================
Page: 24
==============================================================================
Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down