April Fools; Not Aeriel! Best of Funny Bones
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A P R I L F O O L S A N N I V E R S A R Y I S S U E
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#47 . April 2001
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mortal staff:
alendil, aylssa, begaria, conran, dein, goomra, ilsensine,
jaryl, lorel, naithalia, oknelim, saraphin, sarig, shingo
immortal staff:
elisabet(sponsor) tical(finance)
editor:
kuah
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table of contents
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DESK OF THE EDITOR
april fools
MEET AERIEL
get to know the only non-fool in these pages
FUNNY BONES
two years of mud fun
WE WANT YOU!
positions are open
Quest & Contest
A holiday contest! and a Moonbeam announcement!
In Closing
thank yous & submission information
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desk of the editor
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april fools
Two years. Seems like yesterday Mystaric started this whole
grand idea with a room full of volunteers. But here we are!
This issue will not follow the format of most, the staff and I
took a break this past month, and we are going to go with mostly
a 'best of' all funny bones issue! (And thus the sell out title
of 'April Fools Anv Issue'...)
We also welcome Jaryl to the staff with a small feature. That
being his interview with the Immortal, Aeriel.
So check out the interview and the best of (or worst of?) the
last two years of CoD humor! And I think Moonbeam makes a big
announcement... curator or something... Thanks, and enjoy.
Kuah
feedback? comments? fan/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at
the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
square or south of quills and parchments on market street.
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MEET AERIEL
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written by:Jaryl
I managed to catch up with Aeriel for a few minutes recently to
to interview her for you, our faithful readers' enjoyment. So,
without further ado, I give you...
Aeriel's Interview!!!
Aeriel suddenly appears in a bright flash of blue lightning!
Aeriel: Well, let's do it! *grin*
Jaryl: You've been an imm for a while now Aeriel, do you
like the change?
Aeriel: Yes, I really do. It's a difference, that's for
sure. You have a lot more spam, many more channels... have to
keep them on. It's a good thing I can speed-read!
Jaryl: What one thing makes being an immortal most
worthwhile?
Aeriel: Well, hmmmmm. I love it here, I enjoy working with
everyone, the administration here is a WONDERFUL group. They're
very helpful. If there is something I need help with, it's there.
Jaryl: Now that you've become an imm, do you still find time
to keep up with your mortal friends?
Aeriel: Usually yes. Right now, I'm really time-restricted.
My r/l wedding day was moved to three weeks away instead of
August. But, when I have more than 30 minutes online, I do try
and keep up. =)
Jaryl: How is being an imm different from your position on
the Newbie Council?
Aeriel: Hmmmmm. Well, you don't have to walk to people!
Seriously, though, you still help players, however, as an
immortal, you can do things that a mortal can't, like grabbing
corpses, etc. As a NC mortal, you try and cr them by bringing
them to their corpses, etc.
Jaryl: What do you miss most about guild life?
Aeriel: Everybody, all my friends. I don't get to see you
all that much. =(
Jaryl: I'm sure you get a lot of wierd questions and
requests as an immortal. What is the wierdest thing a mortal
ever asked you?
Aeriel: Well, someone asked me to cyber him one day. He
also asked every other female immortal online.
Aeriel rolls on the floor laughing hysterically
Jaryl: What happened to him?
Aeriel: He ended up, well, quiet. I think it was Tiki that
got the classic one, though. You'll have to ask her about it, but
it was something along those lines. You'll laugh, I did.
Jaryl: Do you still find time to play your mortals, or are
you too busy?
Aeriel: I log my alt on on occasion, but as to playing her,
I think my max time has been about 30 minutes.
Jaryl: Do you have anything you want to say to our readers?
Aeriel: As an imm, you really learn that the world takes all
kinds to make it up, that's for sure. It's a great thing.
Jaryl: Thanks, Aeriel. I'm glad you could find the time to do
this. =)
Aeriel: Anytime, hon. =)
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FUNNY BONES
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Avatar Quickies...
Fobertron: devote darrek -- No such deity holds weight in this
world -- Ha, shows what the game knows
...
Merton: You recite a magical tablet...50 dr 50 hr 5 dex 1000 hp
Anti-Merton *sniff*
...
Sarig: I rubbed my little soldier on you, *wink*
Sarig: it was my little merman soldier :(
Shingo: Call it what you will, Sarig. And that's guts admitting
it's little ;)
Phacia: Object 'Cersei's rubber ducky of DOOM!' is a weapon,
with wear location: wield
Phacia: Special properties: glow hum anti-neutral anti-evil
anti-mortal Its weight is 2, value is 5,43*10^6, and level is 2.
Phacia: Affects cuteness by 600.
Tical: Only 600?
Phacia: she also has other EQ 8)
Trinda: my cat's breath smells like cat food - hola all
Booke: why isn't that a surprise? - hi Trinda
Sampras: hrm... my breath smells like cat food :(
Trinda: mmMMmm cat food is oh so yummy
Turlok: whats a cats breath supposed to smell like other than cat
food...dog food???
Sampras: if your like me... sometimes booze
Sampras: cat acting up? put some johnny walker in the water bowl :)
he will prr like a kitten :)
Traffic Fun
DekkatH openly traffics: merlin poop for sale
Begaria openly traffics: Merlin poop? I'm there!
Drahmel openly traffics: I'll trade you my Darrek poop for your
Merlin poop.
DekkatH openly traffics: To those who sent me a tell about my
Merlin poop... it was a joke... no feces exist...
Begaria openly traffics: But I was willing to trade you Shingo
for some!
Amerlea openly traffics: c'mon no one wants an action figure to
call their very own? you can hug it and pet it and love it until
it dies..
Lorkon openly traffics: it dies?
Amerlea openly traffics: my action figure will spank you til
the cows come home
Amerlea openly traffics: *wink* it ain't called action for
nothin!
Vanzank openly traffics: ok I'm convinced! Lemme get rid of my
man first then I'll buy your figure!
Taonmakan openly traffics: Yay, sold evil scales!
Taonmakan openly traffics: Now I can put my children through
DH Academy *sniff*beam*
...
Fennpoxah openly traffics: sexy old Obsidian boots for trade,
Impress the ladies....impress your friends...make them drool
before you...
Sian openly traffics: buy my female av chars, why impress the
ladies when you can own em!
Random Noise
Moonbeam wars 'GI Hoes! The great american Hookers!'
Moonbeam wars 'I've been listening to this channel too long'
Kali wars 'Step away from the wartalk dear'
...
Someone tells you 'Darrek says 'Honey, if I had my way. I'd drop
a phone book on pixie hometown. Kill hundreds of thousands.'
...
Navarius tells you 'whatcha doin? :)
You tell Navarius 'mapping a certain maze'
Navarius tells you 'ah, that dern one in daycare, it's a buggar :)'
Best Description of Reunion 2k...
Calin now follows you.
A Ford Ranger now follows you.
You group your followers.
A guardrail utters the words 'jasdio djao'
You fall into a deep sleep.
Calin falls into a deep sleep.
A Ford Ranger's lunge misses a guardrail.
A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
(A front tire blows apart and falls to the ground in scraps)
A Ford Ranger's swipe barely scratches a guardrail.
(A guardrail gets damaged)
A guardrail's scratch *ANNIHILATES* a Ford Ranger.
(A door panel gets damaged)
A Ford Ranger attempts to flee but cannot.
A Ford Ranger is bleeding freely.
A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
(A rear tire gets damaged)
A Ford Ranger flees from combat losing 999,999,999 experience.
Even More Noise...
Darkur newbiechats 'Why, when I was level 1, we didn't have a
pre-auth area. We fought our way as amoeba out of the primordial
ooze and if we couldn't make it on land, we died.'
...
Dreskin racetalks 'how long does weaken last?
Pryce racetalks 'Two days. Then Monday comes.'
...
Aerial's car yells 'Help! I am being attacked by Rosario!'
Angelus yells 'a car....yelling....whats a car?'
Someone yells 'I wanna thwap my car!'
Rosario yells 'The things I manage to find. =)'
Thadius yells 'A hot, buttered, freshly shaven yak yells 'Help!
I am being attacked by Rosario!''
Two Years of Titles
Jari Litmanen, killing in the name of Debbie Gibson.
Georg can resist anything but temptation.
Bele wants to become a slacker but is too damn lazy.
Jari, killing in the name of Britney Spear's implants.
Kreel the Lamb Chopper.
Eeris WhiteBlood is going to stop procrastinating, soon.
Mischief- A 69 is neuron pleasing anatomical shareware!
Darrek. Women - Can't live with 'em. Can't do most positions without 'em.
Throm knows that coffee is a dish best eaten with a fork.
Gultar Endymion speaks in the third person as God.
Wraegn says 'A night with sunshine is like the day.".
Xenpaolin GreyBorne, Can someone change my diapers?
Odessyus Harthlen sits naked at his computer when he muds.
Valashrect B/D,S/M,its an alphabet soup of hedonistic delight.
Graem Your powers are useless. I wear tin foil underwear.
Turalyon- creator of tuna safe dolphin.
Sigwulf wishes he was on Buffy...erm with Buffy
Qizatch has belladonna sticking out of its mouth.
Gethi v2.0....special Balzhur edition!
Kuni Talier, all the power, half the calories.
Saraoreo wants to move to Canada for the 5 pin bowling, eh?
Mino: I'm just a f*%$#ing ray of sunshine, aren't I?
Laine Bela Morte: What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Zerial:I'm the Boss and I have HER permission to say so!
Saderax Darkraven - as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Albert, Fat.
Quickcut bot Gladiator DVD, for the christians and lions.
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WE WANT YOU!
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We are looking to add to the ranks of scribes here at the CoD!
If you have the desire to become part of this staff and put some
creative urges to use, then please submit a sample of writing
on the CoD public boards.
The CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
square or south of quills and parchments on market street.
Submissions and Requests will be taken till the first week of
May. Selections will be made by the first week in May as well.
Thank you!
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Quest and Contest
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Happy Festivus!
Every culture has it's own holidays, except for us!
Your mission - come up with a Realms of Despair holiday and
write a brief (no more than 1 note) explaination of that holiday
and when and why it should be celebrated. You should also
include any items that are siginificant to the holiday (ie. a
tree at Christmas for some).
Answers should be mudmailed to Elisabet no later than April
25th at 9:00pm EST/system time. Entries will be judged and the
winning ones will be posted in the May issue.
,--.
{ }
K, }
/ -Y`
, / /
{_'-K.__/
`/-.__L._
/ ' /`\_}
/ ' /
____ / ' /
,-'---- --/ ' /_ It is
,' ``--- ', my pleasure
( Y to announce
{ I that Trinda
{ - `, has been hired
| ', ) as the new curator
| | ,..__ __. Y of my museum.
| .,_./ Y ' / 'Y J )| Thank you to all
\ |' / | | || who applied.
\ L_/ . _ (_,.'(
\, , ^^""' / | )
\_ \ /,L] / -Moonbeam
'-_--, ` ` ./`
`'{_ )
^^\..___,.--`
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In Closing
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We look forward to the next year ahead, and thank you for all
of the support of the last two years. We have many ideas and
plans for the future, and are working on them as you read this.
Remember we are looking to add to our staff, and if you are
interested we can not wait to hear from you. See HELP CRY20
Thank you for reading!!!, from the staff of the CoD.
feedback? comments? fan/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at
the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
square or south of quills and parchments on market street.
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