Times of Despair – February, 1997
a copy of the Times of Despair for February, 1997 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - COLUMN LISTING *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* Intro - Welcome to the Times of Despair. Adventures - The journals of those who wandered the Realms. CouncilNews - Reports on what is going on in the Immortal Councils. Editorials - Letters to the Editor on various issues. Entertainment - Poems and stories that add to the spice of life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - COLUMN LISTING 2 *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* Humour - Laughable and funny stories for those with a sense of humour. OrderNews - The latest news on the Realms great Orders. GuildNews - What goes on in the Guilds of Darkhaven. Submissions - The "How To" on becoming a part of ToD. ClanNews - The latest news on the great Clans of the Realms. Staff - The listing of all those who put an effort into this edition of ToD. Welcome to the Times of Despair! I, Adonia, am the Editor of this newsletter and I humbly apologize for the many months it took to put together the first issue. Hopefully things will go much faster now that the plan is finished and the whole idea is completed. This newsletter is here for all who play the Realms to read and enjoy. It contains some tales of adventure, editorials written by fellow players, and news about what's going on in the Realms. This issue is just the beginning, as many do not even know we exist, but we soon hope to have a much larger selection of columns to choose from. As of now, we would like to begin reporting on Duels, Orders, Councils and Guilds, plus any new ideas anyone else has. If you are interested in covering anything, or submitting something to us, please don't hesitate. Our board is located 1 south of Marsel, the Parchment and Quill Man in Darkhaven. I hope you enjoy this issue! :) Sincerely, Adonia, Editor and the rest of the ToD Staff ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - TALES OF THE ADVENTURERS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* A1 - The Selfish Duke: written by Celeborne A2 - Tales of a Young Aliaser: written by Aliaser A3 - The Diary of a Vampire: written by Janos A4 - The Forging of Draconia: written by Celeborne A5 - The Mysteries of the Elven Forest: written by Celeborne ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * The Selfish Duke * By Celeborne Lately there has been great concern going about the town of Darkhaven that concerns the Duke. He has been known to do strange things which many citizens dislike, and this has caused me to write this, a story from one ranger who has heard much from his brothers and passing travellers in the forests. I have been through the city, and just by visiting the castle, I have come across strange happenings. I found myself quietly descending into the castle dungeons and I was quiet and was not noticed by anyone but the rats. I passed by many cells, all closed and locked to hold in the thing and starving prisoners, mostly beggars off the street. His punishment was cruel and no man deserved it, and I found half the prisoners to be innocent of crimes, most as small as not paying taxes. I came across a murderer, and when I had come to the last cell, I stumbled upon the domain of Jaxron, the pirate. He was chained and had whip marks across his naked body, and he could not speak in his condition. I soon came to learn that all of these prisoners were to be executed, due to the lack of room within the dungeons. What has happened to your home, how can you follow such a pitiful man? I may be hunted as soon as this is seen by Luther, so don't be afraid if you see a ranger by the fireside, far in the depths of some lost forest. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * The Adventurers of a Young Aliaser * By Aliaser ------------------- The Hoan Dor Forest ------------------- His finely honed sword at the ready, Aliaser crept and waited at the west gate of Darkhaven. Making small chat with the guards, he waited for the sun to creep up and for the mayor to unlock the gate (Yes, Darkhaven had a mayor way back when...). As he sat there, a vampire lept out of the darkness and made an easy meal of the aged guard. Turning his fierce eyes upon the young ranger, the vampire wiped a spatter of blood from his cheek. Deftly, Aliaser dodged to the side as the hellspawn lunged at him. He swung his sword in a horizontal arc, delivering a blow that would have gutted a normal human, but did not even hurt the creature of night. Standing back, Aliaser knew he was not yet a match for this beast. He closed his eyes, and whispered a prayer to any god, making himself ready for the afterlife. After a moment of nothing happening, he opened his eyes to see the vampire was gone, and the sun had risen. The guard's corpse had vanished, and the mayor stood nearby, unlocking the gate. Ready to get out of the crazy city, Aliaser ran off blindly into the wilderness known as the Hoan Dor forest. He wandered the forest for some time, when he came upon a small cabin. Outside was a strong man chopping wood. Making introductions, he found this woodcutter to be named Jack. Jack had lived inthe Hoan Dor all his life, and knew quite a bit about the surrounding woodlands. As they were speaking, the sound of a wolf echoed through the air. Jack told the young half-elf that hearing that noise meant a wolf was hunting nearby, and to be careful unless well hidden or prepared. Jack offered to let Aliaser stay in his cabin until the wolf had left the area, but Aliaser was a cocky youth, and stumbled out to find this wolf and kill it. He wandered out, but soon could not even find any signs of a wolf. Suddenly, he felt something poke him in the ribs. He spun around, but there was nothing there. He then heard a giggle from nearby, but couldn't see anything at all. Confused, he ran blindly off. He looked behind himself as he ran, to see if any beast was after him. Aliaser slowed down as he neared a bear's cave. Looking inside, he saw a grizzly was taking a nap. Backing out of the cave, he came face to face with a viscious warg. The warg grinned, sharp teeth shining. A dark shadow covered the area, and Aliaser said to the warg... "Look out! A giant frog!", warning the warg, even though this evil creature wanted to eat him. Snicking, thinking that Aliaser was a coward, trying to get away, he mocked Aliaser. "Oh, no! A little froggy.... Ribbit!" *** SQUISH *** the warg became nothing but a stain on the ground as the froghemoth stepped on him. Aliaser ran off through the forests once again. He came to a giant oak tree. Looking to the south, he saw a dismal swamp, an area of forest covered with spiders webbing, and a darkened grove of shadows. Northward, he heard the sound of a woman singing. Heading off, he saw another tree that looked climbable, stretching above the rest of the trees. It was a tempting adventure to see the treetops, but he ventured to the singing lady. He came upon a beautiful woman, standing in the path. She smiled at him, but Aliaser was very shy around women, so he smiled back and walked past her, acting as if he knew where he was going. He walked past a giant lake and soon found a small city that was built in the mighty Vallenwood trees. Asking a nearby citizen, he found this village was known as Solace. Smirking at the name, Aliaser wandered this village until he found a great inn to stay at for the night. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- By Janos Dear Diary, I grow wary. I'm not sure how much more I can take. If only I had the courage to put a stake through my heart. I could end this life and death struggle which befalls me everyday. Today I must have been temporarily killed 50 times. Being hacked apart piece by piece, so these savages can gain experience is not my idea of fun. It's always the same. I die horribly. Then regenerate again, only to become their fodder once more. What makes my teeth is I know I'll regenerate. They wait for it! I gave a wooden stake to my would be assassin today. I begged him to drive the stake through my heart. He just looked at me and smiled. Not just any smile, but a smile with 2 sharp fangs gleaming white with little drops of blood on the ends. A fellow Vampire. A vampire twice as young as me. I wanted to shred him apart. I wanted to suck every ounce of blood in his body. Who did this young sproud think he was? However, I knew he'd win, and so did he. Getting killed so many times a day has weakened me too much. I'm but a mouse compared to what I once was. In the end he did kill me. Not once, but 5 times. At least I hurt him in the process... The diary written in blood continues... Today did have it's upside. About an hour later 2 young mortals foolishly walked into my little Tea party. They got no tea, but I got their blood. It's fools like that who bring any pleasure to my unlife now... I should ask the Count to let me stay in one of his many rooms at the Castle. I'd have peace there. Not too many adventurers go there these days. Those that do would only be interested in him. Seeking out his Bloodlust gear that he loves so much. Yeh, go live with the Count. I like that idea. Maybe the mean old Vampire will put me in his special room. The room that would kill even me forever! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The above diary pages were found at the tea party by me. I can only guess the rest of the diary is destroyed, or the Vampire Lord still has the rest of it. Looking at the burnt edges, I think the former is the case. After debating what to do with my find, I decided the rest of the Realms should know the feelings of his Lordship. Sincerely, Janos ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * The Forging of Draconia * By Celeborne Far across dark mountains there existed a kingdom of great power. The city known as Draconia was a strong city, protected ny a great army of men and elves and under the kingmanship of King George. The city was popular and travelers would come from distant lands, from as far as Solace to the most hidden of villages, to buy from the many shops and merchants. The city was originally of men, but when the great goblin wars were over, the elves were forced from their home, and found haven in the Kingdom. The once strong city, only used to keep people safe within the great walls, was changed dramatically by the elven folk, and trees and gardens, green grass and exotic flowers were all planted, and parks and fountains were made. Draconia became a place where people would not only find haven, yet also live happily among the friendly folk of the city, and enjoy their lives within it. The elves were not ALL happy living with the humans, for most elves were not fond at all of their ways, killing animals and slaving horses against their will, yet the men and elves were not alike. The race of half-elves was formed within it after many years. The men seemed to attract the elven woman more than the human women, and the human women were attracted to the elven men. Twas strange in the ways of elves and men, but they were almost attracted to the exact opposive of each other, and soon the city was bonded in trust and love. The many other tales of the city are soon to be told, for they are written in the ancient books, but I only give you a brief summary of the creation of Draconia, and the bond of Elves and Men of that land. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * The Mysteries of the Elven Forest * By Celeborne Among the lands I have travelled, I am an independant person, and do not speak with most, only write what I wish to. I have written this story to speak of what I have come across on my journeys. It was in the forest, a beautiful moonlit clearing. I sat alone and in my cloak, staring into the crackling fire as the howling of wolves echoed off the walls of some faraway canyon. I was on private business, planning out things silently and alone in the forest, the place I go to think, and then I saw her. She seemed to float in upon the cool breeze, an elven woman of immense beauty. Her eyes were shimmering under the moonlight, and the stars made her violet hair glisten with silver as she looked upon me. Her smile was fair and enchanting, and she spoke not a word to me. Her eyes were deep, and ancient, almost sorrowful. She wore a long blue gown, and she seemed to be lost. I knelt down and kissed her hand, forgetting that I do not usually trust anyone, but then I found she was sad, and I looked into her eyes, beautiful they were, but as I gazed I saw a tear trickle down her fair cheek and she turned, and quickly ran into the trees. She was gone, and I sat down again, yet as I wondered about her, I could hera her enchanting voice, singing... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - COUNCIL NEWS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* C0 - Introduction C1 - Project Council C2 - Mortal Council Hello there! Welcome to the Council News Section. Here Councils can submit explanations as to what they do, and/or current projects they have on the go. If any Council Member/Head would like to begin submitting articles, they may do so on the Newsletter board. Anyone with questions about the Councils within the Realms, can post them on the newsletter board and we will put them in a Q A article within the Newsletter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -* The Project Council *- The Project Council was formed by the CoE in an attempt to make things run a bit smoother. Our primary purpose is to keep track of who is doing what. We try to lessen the workload of overloaded imms, and give the bored ones something to do. We also try to get changes implemented in a timely manner. We come up with ideas for improvement, take them to a general immortal vote, then present the idea to the proper ruling council, (ie: the CoE, Area, Pkill Conclave, Quest) in an attempt to get it approved. We're always open to suggestions for improvement from both immortal and mortal players. Mortals can post on the main board, or send mud mail :) - Cedrick Lightblade, Head of Project Council ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -* The Mortal Council *- What is the Mortal Council? - The Mortal Council is a group of Immortals and carefully chosen Mortals. Our interest is to address issues brought up by you, the mortals, concerning certain aspects of the MUD. Hopefully, the council can then shed some light on why certain things are the way they are, as well as giving mortals an opportunity to voice their opinions on how the MUD can be made a more enjoyable place for everyone. The Mortal Council has a note board, which is located south of the Darkhaven Archives. It is not to be confused with the Complaints Board (the Oracle), which has its seperate purpose. *Reasonable* ideas posted on the MC board will be discussed during our meetings. Reasonable means relevent suggestions.. anything that is along the lines of 'Make Seth Astrallable and Charmable' will not even be read. Use your own judgement before posting a suggestion, if it sounds way out of line... don't post it. the Immortals on the Mortal Council are a *part* of the promotion proocess. When I mean a part, we are only a step in becoming Immortal... so please don't bother an MC member about promoting yourself, as we are only a STEP. We encourage all mortals of ANY level to post your suggestions on our board.. and we will be sure to tend to them. To look for results from your idea, the 'Minutes of the Mortal Council' will be posted a day after the meeting on the Mortal Council board. Article by: Cirdan Korkas ||| Current Mortal Council Projects ||| 1) We are in the midst of developing a system for Mortal Housing. 2) As many have heard, we have been doing many promotions lately. If you are interested and have any questions, be sure to read the note board and/or talk to an MC member. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - EDITORIALS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* E0 - Introduction E1 - Role Playing Peacefully: written by Radagast E2 - Quests: written by Radagast E3 - Immortality: The Pros and Cons: written by Darin Zepyulos-Eskendale Welcome to the Editorials Section! This is the place where you, the reader, can comment, object or write about anything to do with this MUD or articles within the Times of Despair. The Newsletter Board is located 1 south of the Quill and Parchments shop in Darkhaven. Please feel free to post any Editorial submissions there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [][][] * Role Playing Peacefully * [][][] By Radagast An Editorial: Realms of Despair is a MUD, that is, a Multi User Dungeon. Everyone has heard the debate of role play, mobkill, pkill etc; which being the integral part. I don't think it will ever be resolved. As one who does not pkill, I will not comment on it. The other two I can speak of however, and this article's purpose Pkilling is important on RoD. When many people were complaining about it, the imms try to improve and upgrade it. The new Clans look pretty damn intriguing to me. Also, whenever a mob is too easy, or too boring or cliche, they change him(her) / their eq / their area, to keep mobkilling alive and vibrant. As for role play, they set up a board, run some role play-ish quests, and try to encourage it within the clans and orders. They've been doing this for a long time. I enjoy role playing, so I may be prejudiced, however..... The Pk role playing meets my approval. They try their best under the circumstances, besides, actual Pk is the priority. For Peaceful players, however, role play is another story. No, perhaps RP is less important than Mobkilling, but perhaps it is really vice versa. BOTH are integral and important. But no one seems to care about this, and most newer mudders, or newer MUDders here have no care whatsoever for role play. To them it's a bunch of boring old avs talking in 'Olde' english on avchat. Part of the fault of this (remember I am trying to discuss Orders and such) is the fact that none of the present Orders (save maybe Maidenstone) have any REAL role play base. Dragonslayers are Dragonslayers, their RP purpose is to kill dragons. Arcanes are Magic Users, their purpose is to heal, and be wizard-ee (however the clan has no basis with which to build an RPing character, nor does it encourage much). Ringbearers is fairly new...and I as yet cannot comment wholly, however, from what I see, they are an Order of 'Men with a Mission' and sort of Spiritual Mercenaries (they seek out specific knowledge for a mission). Because these missions deal with specific goals, the members have no time to Role Play it, they just want to succeed in their mission. Also; as in the others, there is no standard on which to build an RP char from within it. Finally Maidenstone, which is in my opinion the best of the bunch (it at least has an RP base) but it's not open to males, and so, is FAR from enough. My qualm really is this: with all the energy imms spend, and players spend trying to figure out and put into place new areas, upgrades, quests, pkilling improvements and all, Role Play, which IS the third integral element of the 'Mud' ideal has been neglected. Here on RoD, it is a dying state--far worse than any pkill situation. To many, it is of no matter; but for many still it is a lost art and is a thing out of water here. It has lost its niche. RP needs little pushes to achieve greatness and in my humble opinion many of the new MUDders are being robbed of one of the greatest parts of MUDding. We MUST bring Role Play to some attention, for if it is not, if part of the *Essence* of mudding is lost, I feel; be it stark or no, that Pkill and Mkill will soon perish, beocming no more than some computer code and talk of MTG. The Fantasy World of the MUD is kept up by Role Play; in the areas or not. Do not turn your back on it, or it will turn its back on you. Though longwinded, that is what I had to say; and it is the opinion of the Writer and noneother. Quests: an Editorial The Avatars...and new/lowbies too... of the Realms have always had an itch for questing...As a matter of fact, not just the players of this MUD, but MUDders in general. We're always whining about wanting a quest, but rarely do people up and really think; as a majority of clear-headed players; that we really haven't been having anywhere near as many as you would desire or expect to have on a MUD of this size. This is not a gripe; It is a fact. I've been on 4hrs a day for the last what...2 weeks, and seen a total of three quests -- one closed newbie quest ran by Britt, one closed av quest ran by some wizinvis imm, and one trivia quest ran by Rahvin out of the goodness, exasperation and boredom of his own heart. There was a bit of a discussion on the quest channel during his trivia quest, simply remarking that the 'imms never run quests any more'. That's not altogether true. I won't pretend that it is. Sure you guys run quests. You run GREAT quests. But with a MUD which is presently feeling it's alltime high of newbies, as well as a bloated number of avs...the ratio of quest per hours per avatar is truly out of proportion. There are avs (newbie avs -- who have only been avatar for 2 months) out there, that have never had an oppurtunity to participate in a quest: Meaning A) There's never been an open quest when they were online or b) They've never been online when the selection question was given to participate in a closed quest. This is somewhat crazy, considering it is the quest council and the mortal council who have the most vis members the most of the time. There is almost ALWAYS a quest imm on and vis, yet they almost NEVER run quests. Why? Well, I can give one reason. There is a present trend among Immortals running quests to give a simple mobkilling type. Simple 'kill the evil sorcerer demon satan spawn and win' quests. They are performed (I think) simply because this is the kind of quest that requires the most preperation, the most skill, and perhaps the most 'greatness' in general. It is a way to quietly boast your finesse at quest making, and show that you are a true Questmaster. This is not a bad thing, the imms have a right to show that they are worth something as a 51+...however...though these quests are appreciated...they only involve a small segment of the population (normally 6-8), and these 6-8 are generally the fastest typers or most experienced avs. Simply because the newbie avs don't answer the 'skill testing question' in time. Yes, I agree, its the only way to run this kind of quest...but that's just the point. THIS KIND OF QUEST; There are many other types; Here's a list I came up with: Mobkilling-- Closed 6-8 against the monster and minions Open quest: Kill as many of the little evil minions for minor qp/gp, and last blow on big guy gets major prize --And variations on the same Trivia --You know--open quest on quest chan Scavenger Hunt --Gather as many 'things' as you can (renamed obj's) -- Gather as many pairs of 'things' as you can (2 socks) -- Gather letters to form an imms name/specific word -- Gather playing cards to make a poker hand. Other --Hide and go seek with clues --charm, spellup a mob and have them duel eachother in arena --Treasure hunt (clues) -- Note with Sequence of Evens you have to decipher There are more, but that's all I could come up with. Now...out of all these quests, I have seen but....3 of the types in the last apprxmtly 6 months. That's nuts. It wasn't such a big problem before, but now for some reason (be it more avs, even less quests) it has reached crisis level. It feels as if there are NEVER any quests, to us morts at least. A trivia quest needs a knowledgable imm. almost NO preparation They're easy and enjoyed by all. Hide and seek quests are the same.... Various scavenger hunts require a bit more preparation, but the energy lvl among avs is really surprisingly high... and mobkilling ones are always fun, though a span of types might be interesting What it really comes down to is--Imms, we morts don't think you're doing enough quests (generally). AND we don't think you're doing enough variation. Your quests are mostly GREAT, but sometimes, when you're bored, it's QUANTITY not QUALITY that counts. There have been many more 'boredom' messages lately than ever before...as well as more restores (which is cool) but it feels almost as if that since restore is available to imms of almost any level, some Gods are becoming giddy with the praise of mortals after a restore and feel they don't need to run quests. *shrug* Mortals (especially avs) need more stuff to do, I think, need more quests, need more activities. It has reached a point that even some of the MUDs greatest mobkillers are leaving--not just because they don't think there'll be a chance to get out (un-addicted) after this, but because there's nothing new happening, and they're sick of the 'go kill a mob for eq, go kill a mob for qp, talk'. It's a problem that HAS a solution, but the Imms need to acknowledge that sure, they ARE doing quests, but with a growing population of bored avs, you have to adapt; Quantity wise and Variation wise. My two cents, From the ToD Editorialist...... Radagast D'thBlayde. Immortality: The Pros and Cons By Darin Zepyulos-Eskendale For years, 'immortality' has been believed to mean 'power'. This is only partly true. Immortality is a gift given to those who can help those who live in the Realms. As the immortals maintain and create the Realms, the mortals explore and delve further into the mysteries of the Realms which are made by the immortals. But why, you may ask, do these immortals deserve the power over the Realms? The truth is that it is not a spur-of-the-moment decision. Immortality takes many hardships and decisions to obtain, and as such is given to the chosen mortals who have truly proven their worth. Those given the gift of immortality are trusted not to abuse it, and with this trust is established the steps to further the immortals' powers. While this may sound very nice, the immortals are directly prevented from telling the mortals of the secrets of Despair. And when one of the dead is risen, the immortals are prevented from helping them retrieve the items from their corpses until a certain time elapses, where in which the mortal must ask the immortal for help in retrieving the items. Even then, the cost is high as the immortal will destroy an item of the character's as a sacrifice of this service, which is usually the most powerful item of a character's inventory. However, without the immortals, the Realms would have surely fallen apart. There are some mortals who do not believe this, and as such jeer at the immortals. To these I say: Why do you do this? Is it because you believe that you should be immortal? Perhaps it is you who should be jeered at. However, I try to cool my anger when this happens, and try to remember that not everyone has attempted to study the immortals' ways. It should be noted that only those who are avatars are looked upon as worthy of becoming immortal. Even then, the avatar would have to do great deeds and services in order to earn a position among the immortals. And now, I leave you with this advice. The immortals are always watching, so always help out whenever possible. Good luck to all, and may Thoric smile upon you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - ENTERTAINMENT SECTION *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* P0 - Introduction P1 - Caryn's Web of Poems: Teen Creed, Author Unknown Each of Us, Danielle Steel Welcome to the Entertainment Section! Here we will put in anything from poems, duels, or maybe even a critique of the latest Quests within the Realms. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -*- Caryn's Web of Poems -*- * Teen Creed* * Each of Us * Don't let your parents down, Each of us with our secret gifts, They brought you up. magic potions, lovely notions, Be humble enough to obey, waiting to be shared You may give orders someday. waiting to be aired, Choose companions with care, each of us a half, a whole You become what they are. a soul, a heart, Guard your thoughts, and yet a part of a better richer more, What you think, what you are. looking for the door, the key, Choose only a date the you, the me, the we Who would make a good mate. growing day by day, Be master of your habits, looking for a way to find or they will master you. what I'd always dreamed and never seen, Don't be a show off when you drive. always tried and never been, Drive with safety and arrive. always thought but never knew, Don't let the crowd pressure you, until at least I discovered Stand for something or you'll that the gift I always sought fall for anything. was you. - Author Unknown - Danielle Steel ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - HUMOUR SECTION *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* H0 - Introduction H1 - Marshmellow Madness and Spam Silliness: Darin Zepyulos-Eskendale H2 - Free Candy, Adventurers Dead Next Day: Darin Zepuylos-Eskendale H3 - Christmas Special: Darin Zepuylos-Eskendale Welcome to the Humour Section! You may find some of the stories to be a little out-of-date as they were written a while ago, but you will probably get a kick out of them all the same. Whether it be a list of medieval jokes, or a tale of craziness.. we want to hear it! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Marshmellow Madness and Spam Silliness * By Darin Zepuylos-Eskendale Today in Despair, I was climbing to the top of the Tree of Life, when I had a familiar smell come to mind. Marshmellows on an open fire. Not seeing any campfires, I was very disappointed and the thought crossed my mind that the Gods were planning more twisted things for the people of Despair. My assumption seemed to come true when the smell was replaced by that of when the priests of Marian's temple are conducting sacrifices. However, this had the smell of flesh and boiling blood! Apparently, the Gods were having a weenie roast. As quickly as the smell came, it passed, and then came such a horrendous stench that even the Rangers of the land were said to lose their lunch! Then came a combination of the first two smells, which smelled pretty good. Exasperated, I announced that we should have a quest for marshmellows so that we could have our own campfire. Apparently the Gods were too busy at the moment, however. Soon a message came to all the minds of the Despair from one of the Gods: Elcid had used his powers of slaying against a fellow Immortal! The Reason: Got hit by a rotten kiwi that was thrown by Lady Adonia. However, in this reporter's opinion, Elcid should try to improve his catching before using the art of slaying. Then, another message came through my mind. Anyone who established communication with Marian telling her she was a weenie could get a marshmellow. Marian, still at the weenie roast, probably ignored the messages, however. Then we were told to insult Elcid. However, someone intervened saying that they would take away our powers if we did so. I decided to heed this warning, much to my disappointment, since we were told we could also get some free cheesecake with our marshmellows. A later incident was reported when everyone in the Realms took off their socks and threw them at anything that resembled Elcid. Not wearing any socks, I did not participate in this, to my further disappointment. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * G'narish Gives Free Candy on Halloween, Adventurers Dead Next Day * By Darin Zepuylos-Eskendale On Halloween, many people give out free candy. G'narish, the candy monk of the Dragon Exports, took this a step further. He gave out his select stocks of candy for free to adventurers. Everyone knows that the Dragon Exports candies are magical and used by many popular adventurers. Things came to be worse the next day, when several adventurers complained about severe stomach cramps, and eventually vomitting, usually on the doctor who was examining them. Agents of Duke Luther reported that all the sick adventurers had recieved free candy from G'narish. He was investigated immediately, but no one found a connection between him and the supposed candy poisoning. All of his stock was given an "A+" by a group of magicians who tested all of his candy for possible ill effects. However, all of the adventurers had died by the end of the day, and many alchemists and magicians were at a loss of what happened. When I spoke to G'narish, he said that he had nothing to do with it, and that someone was setting him up, forcing him to shut down. This reporter, however, still has his suspicions. G'narish's candy shop is still open, and he still carries his usual stock. If you wish to purchase some, simply look for his booth in the Dragon Exports on Law Avenue. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find a big turkey for Thanksgiving. Or a virgin. Pure blood is very hard to get this time of year. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -+ Christmas is in the Air, as well as many Other Things -+ by Darin Zepyulos-Eskendale Well, it's time for Christmas, that special holiday that everyone loves to stuff stockings, give presants, and then go to the bar and have a few beers. I still have no gifts for anybody, and probably will not have any anytime soon. However, I am here to help you out by suggesting many different gifts. Sure there's always rename scrolls and such, but these are gifts that can't be found anywhere else but in my article. So, let the list begin. Chias These cute little things are pieces of pottery shaped to resemble something. When coated in seeds, they begin to grow, covering the pottery with fuzzy flora and usually resembling anything fuzzy. There are new kiwi, wanker, and sasquatch shapes. The Game The Game is a new idea which the inventor calls a "bored game". Basically, players pretend to be various immortals, all starting at the Neophyte level. By completing certain tasks and much manual labor, one can achieve a higher rank in the game. The first to reach Supreme Entity wins. Warning: This game should not be allowed in the hands of those under the age of 1000, as many younger players who play usually have power trips soon afterwards. Certificates While cheesy, these are great for giving to some people. Many are promises and and allegiances for help, such as, "I, vow to aid in the defeat of Lord Seth on ." This is sure to win many lifelong allies, and and many friendships started from these. Well, these are just three gifts that could be given to anyone, and are pretty cheap to buy, depending on store. Well, I have to run. I'm still busy looking for the "Wanker" chia. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - ORDER NEWS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* OR0 - Introduction ORA - The Order of Arcanes ORM - The Order of MaidenStone Welcome to the Order News Section of the Times of Despair! Here we will try to keep you informed of the latest changes in Orders, latest news or induction policies. We hopefully will also have a Q A section for anyone with frequently asked questions about Orders. -+ The Order of Arcanes +- Deity: Adonia Leader: Cyrax Number 1: Sterling Number 2: Cirdan As many know, the Order of Arcanes has grown tremendously since it's return. Due to this, our inductions have become slower and slower. We are currently attempting to make it more efficient while still giving all in the Order a say in those who are up for induction. If you have any questions about our induction policy, please type help Arcanes or ask a member with the rank of (Arcane-Scout). We now offer an Mkill night every week for members to get together and gather equipment or just enjoy the thrill of besting the major mobs in the Realms. We also hold a few major quests every month, in which our best and brightest come out to fight against the foes which forced our creation many centuries ago. Recently we received some new perks in our HQ. Available to us are mana potions and detection potions, sold by Agaku, and some spells offered by Keshulu. We congratulate Leylia and Elrohir upon their promotions to Arcane-Elder! ***--The Order of MaidenStone--*** Deity: Circe Leader: Cruella Number 1: Farrow Number 2: Lizee The Order of MaidenStone is rich in tradition and steeped in history. Created by Circe in the times of old, MaidenStone was a deadly clan of very select maidens. Only few were chosen to join the ranks of these beautiful, deadly women. When the blight across the land ravaged the lands and brought all clans to their downfall, MaidenStone emerged anew in the form of a peaceful Order. Their ideals are still the same. Their methods altered. To learn more about MaidenStone and their history, type help MS and/or read the revered MaidenStone handbook. Members receive the benefit of a beautiful HQ chock full of luxurious ameneties such as: 1) Rhiannon's Stables for purchasing such fine mounts as baby dragons, flying griffens, arabian horses, wild mustangs and unicorns. 2) Vesta's Titanium Workship for repairing equipment. 3) The Upper Lip where bartender Scheherezade will make you a dynamite Margarita or an elegant Vodka Martini among other items. 4) MaidenStone Spa - Boris the Towel Boy will massage you at no cost. 5) Musashi - MaidenStone's resident mascot, and Min's cherished pet will assist you in many of your needs, but watch out, tiger's still aren't exactly domesticated or housebroken. 6) MaidenStone Boutique - Minerva offers various sought-after items such as the ever fashionable and useful Sequined Evening Bag, a detect hidden/invis potion, and 7) Gula - Rumour has it that MaidenStone's resident healer has awesome powers that favour maidens greatly. 8) A Dining Room with Antoine, MaidenStone's personal waiter. 9) A Larder overflowing with delicious foodstuffs. 10) Hidden surprises that only a MS member would be privy to. Please note that the MS HQ is being constantly renovated in order to keep on the cutting edge and ensure that our members are not lacking for anything. At this time, we would like to wish Farrow congratulations on her promotion to Number One as well as welcome Lizee to the spot of Number Two. Farrow, an elf-druid, has been a loyal member of MaidenStone for aeons and her promotion is well earned. Lizee, elf-mage and daughter of Circe, is known for her cheeky, high- spirited nature and is known for cheering up even the most despondent of souls. Both would be happy to speak to those wishing to join MS, along with Cruella, noble leader of MaidenStone. Be warned though, although Cruella is extremely pleasant and helpful, she has a wicked temper that matches her name. Fiercely protective of her maidens, she would die for any of them, as they would for her. On a sad note, MaidenStone tearfully retired two of their original leaders to the distinguished ranks of Aes Sedai. Min and Lomion. Known for their skill and prowess in their glory days of pkill, Min and Lomion took MaidenStone from their deadly ways into the new domain of the peaceful with grace and aplomb. Their leadership will be greatly remembered as they pass the torch on to their disciples. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - GUILD NEWS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* G0 - Introduction G1 - The Galloping Guild Gabber: An introduction and guild tidbits! G2 - Warrior Guild: Inductions The Galloping Guild Gabber ! This is the inaugural column of all the Guild News that's fit to print! In this column we will try to bring you news of interest about all things concering the Guilds of the Realms. News - gossip - twists and turns ! In this column we will try to bring you news of interest about all issue but in the meantime here's a few tidbits: Clerics Guild - Well new powers and new spells make this Guild one of the more powerful now. Group spells that can devestate opponents, healings from afa r, and mysterious meditations are all part of the new souped up Clerics powers. In addition the Guild has formed a new Council made of of extra elected members More to come... Druids Guild - new areas and rooms promise to make this one of the cozier hangouts in the Realms. Augerers Guild - newer Guild allows quick advancements into leadership because there were no old members ;} ! More later ! Look for us in each issue.... the Galloping Guild Gabber ......... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-* The Guild of Warriors *-* For those interested in joining the warriors guild, the council of warriors members are as follows: Hubris Cadimus ---------- Kordannan Lilith Delshara Aliena There is also a recruiting team being implemented very very soon... as to help alieviate some of the strain the CoW has put up with. We hope to have it up and operating by oh... say Tuesday I hope... - Cresis Trueheart SUBMISSIONS: Our board is located, 2 south, 1 west, and 2 south from Darkhaven Square... right behind Marsel the Parchment and Quill guy. We hope to get one Newsletter out a month. The deadline for all stories is the 1st of every month. Please post all your article ideas, articles, etc. on our board. Not all stories will be chosen every month, depending on the number of entries and content of your submissions. There will be rewards for the best articles written, so put your quills to your parchments and let's get working! Please address all Articles to Adonia, and make sure you add under which column you would like your article to be printed. :) The ToD Staff ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - CLAN NEWS *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* CL0 - Introduction CLL - Lasombra Welcome to the Clan News section! Here we would like to get the latest news on all the Clans and keep you informed of their latest battles! We hopefully will also have a Q A section on the most frequently asked questions about Clans. +-+ Lasombra +-+ Deity: Darrek Leader: Anakin Number 1: Lestrade Number 2: Daz Out of the shadows of the darkness, and the abyssal blackness of the night comes a new clan known as Lasombra. Heavily influenced by the occult and the manipulation of both shadows and darkness, the Lasombra exert their will upon others through both force, and manipulation. The Lasombra believe that they re the true bearers ofpower, as well as the rightful rulers of the Sabbat. It is through these foundations that the Lasombra will affect these Realms as we know them. A both potent and powerful clan of Vampires, we will be a force to be reckoned with. But, such things do not happen overnight and it is with these ideals and goals in mind that I call you to my cathedral of Darkness, to fight in both blood and honor under the name Lasombra. It need not matter of what origin you come from, nor the level of experience you have had in combat. We, the Lasombra will gladly accept you, as well as teach you of the powers and knowledges that have accumulated during our times and lives. - Lord Anakin ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* THE TIMES OF DESPAIR - STAFF LISTING *-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-* Head Editor: Adonia Co-Editor/Writer: Darin Writers: Aliaser Caryn Celeborne Janos Radagast Alazar Special thanks to Circe for helping check over spelling and typos. Also thanks to Korkas for the picture on the front. Thank you to those who contributed! Your efforts were fantastic. Hope to see you in the next issue!