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April Fools; Not Aeriel! Best of Funny Bones

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    A P R I L   F O O L S   A N N I V E R S A R Y   I S S U E
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#47 . April 2001
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 mortal staff:
 alendil, aylssa, begaria, conran, dein, goomra, ilsensine,
 jaryl, lorel, naithalia, oknelim, saraphin, sarig, shingo
 immortal staff:
 elisabet(sponsor) tical(finance)
 editor:
 kuah
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                      table of contents
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DESK OF THE EDITOR
april fools

MEET AERIEL
get to know the only non-fool in these pages

FUNNY BONES
two years of mud fun

WE WANT YOU!
positions are open

Quest & Contest
A holiday contest! and a Moonbeam announcement!

In Closing
thank yous & submission information

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                       desk of the editor
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 april fools

 Two years. Seems like yesterday Mystaric started this whole
 grand idea with a room full of volunteers. But here we are!
 This issue will not follow the format of most, the staff and I
 took a break this past month, and we are going to go with mostly
 a 'best of' all funny bones issue! (And thus the sell out title
 of 'April Fools Anv Issue'...)
 We also welcome Jaryl to the staff with a small feature. That
 being his interview with the Immortal, Aeriel.
 So check out the interview and the best of (or worst of?) the
 last two years of CoD humor! And I think Moonbeam makes a big
 announcement... curator or something... Thanks, and enjoy.
 Kuah

 feedback? comments? fan/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at
 the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
 square or south of quills and parchments on market street.

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                         MEET AERIEL
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written by:Jaryl

 I managed to catch up with Aeriel for a few minutes recently to
 to interview her for you, our faithful readers' enjoyment.  So,
 without further ado, I give you...
 Aeriel's Interview!!!

 Aeriel suddenly appears in a bright flash of blue lightning!

 Aeriel: Well, let's do it! *grin*

 Jaryl: You've been an imm for a while now Aeriel, do you
 like the change?

 Aeriel: Yes, I really do. It's a difference, that's for
 sure. You have a lot more spam, many more channels... have to
 keep them on. It's a good thing I can speed-read!

 Jaryl: What one thing makes being an immortal most
 worthwhile?

 Aeriel: Well, hmmmmm. I love it here, I enjoy working with
 everyone, the administration here is a WONDERFUL group. They're
 very helpful. If there is something I need help with, it's there.

 Jaryl: Now that you've become an imm, do you still find time
 to keep up with your mortal friends?

 Aeriel: Usually yes. Right now, I'm really time-restricted.
 My r/l wedding day was moved to three weeks away instead of
 August. But, when I have more than 30 minutes online, I do try
 and keep up. =)

 Jaryl: How is being an imm different from your position on
 the Newbie Council?

 Aeriel: Hmmmmm. Well, you don't have to walk to people!
 Seriously, though, you still help players, however, as an
 immortal, you can do things that a mortal can't, like grabbing
 corpses, etc. As a NC mortal, you try and cr them by bringing
 them to their corpses, etc.

 Jaryl: What do you miss most about guild life?

 Aeriel: Everybody, all my friends. I don't get to see you
 all that much. =(

 Jaryl: I'm sure you get a lot of wierd questions and
 requests as an immortal. What is the wierdest thing a mortal
 ever asked you?

 Aeriel: Well, someone asked me to cyber him one day. He
 also asked every other female immortal online.

 Aeriel rolls on the floor laughing hysterically

 Jaryl: What happened to him?

 Aeriel: He ended up, well, quiet. I think it was Tiki that
 got the classic one, though. You'll have to ask her about it, but
 it was something along those lines. You'll laugh, I did.

 Jaryl: Do you still find time to play your mortals, or are
 you too busy?

 Aeriel: I log my alt on on occasion, but as to playing her,
 I think my max time has been about 30 minutes.

 Jaryl: Do you have anything you want to say to our readers?

 Aeriel: As an imm, you really learn that the world takes all
 kinds to make it up, that's for sure. It's a great thing.

 Jaryl: Thanks, Aeriel. I'm glad you could find the time to do
 this. =)

 Aeriel: Anytime, hon. =)

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                         FUNNY BONES
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 Avatar Quickies...

 Fobertron: devote darrek -- No such deity holds weight in this
 world -- Ha, shows what the game knows
...

 Merton: You recite a magical tablet...50 dr 50 hr 5 dex 1000 hp
 Anti-Merton  *sniff*
...

 Sarig: I rubbed my little soldier on you, *wink*
 Sarig: it was my little merman soldier :(

 Shingo: Call it what you will, Sarig. And that's guts admitting
 it's little ;)

 Phacia: Object 'Cersei's rubber ducky of DOOM!' is a weapon,
 with wear location: wield

 Phacia: Special properties: glow hum anti-neutral anti-evil
 anti-mortal Its weight is 2, value is 5,43*10^6, and level is 2.

 Phacia: Affects cuteness by 600.

 Tical: Only 600?

 Phacia: she also has other EQ 8)

 Trinda: my cat's breath smells like cat food - hola all

 Booke: why isn't that a surprise? - hi Trinda
 Sampras: hrm... my breath smells like cat food :(

 Trinda: mmMMmm cat food is oh so yummy

 Turlok: whats a cats breath supposed to smell like other than cat
 food...dog food???

 Sampras: if your like me... sometimes booze
 Sampras: cat acting up? put some johnny walker in the water bowl :)
 he will prr like a kitten :)


 Traffic Fun

 DekkatH openly traffics: merlin poop for sale

 Begaria openly traffics: Merlin poop? I'm there!

 Drahmel openly traffics: I'll trade you my Darrek poop for your
 Merlin poop.

 DekkatH openly traffics: To those who sent me a tell about my
 Merlin poop... it was a joke... no feces exist...

 Begaria openly traffics: But I was willing to trade you Shingo
 for some!

 Amerlea openly traffics: c'mon no one wants an action figure to
 call their very own? you can hug it and pet it and love it until
 it dies..

 Lorkon openly traffics:  it dies?

 Amerlea openly traffics:  my action figure will spank you til
 the cows come home

 Amerlea openly traffics:  *wink* it ain't called action for
 nothin!

 Vanzank openly traffics:  ok I'm convinced! Lemme get rid of my
 man first then I'll buy your figure!

 Taonmakan openly traffics: Yay, sold evil scales!

 Taonmakan openly traffics: Now I can put my children through
 DH Academy *sniff*beam*
...

 Fennpoxah openly traffics: sexy old Obsidian boots for trade,
 Impress the ladies....impress your friends...make them drool
 before you...

 Sian openly traffics: buy my female av chars, why impress the
 ladies when you can own em!


 Random Noise

 Moonbeam wars 'GI Hoes! The great american Hookers!'

 Moonbeam wars 'I've been listening to this channel too long'

 Kali wars 'Step away from the wartalk dear'
...

 Someone tells you 'Darrek says 'Honey, if I had my way. I'd drop
 a phone book on pixie hometown. Kill hundreds of thousands.'

...
 Navarius tells you 'whatcha doin? :)
 You tell Navarius 'mapping a certain maze'
 Navarius tells you 'ah, that dern one in daycare, it's a buggar :)'


 Best Description of Reunion 2k...

 Calin now follows you.
 A Ford Ranger now follows you.
 You group your followers.
 A guardrail utters the words 'jasdio djao'
 You fall into a deep sleep.
 Calin falls into a deep sleep.
 A Ford Ranger's lunge misses a guardrail.
 A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
 (A front tire blows apart and falls to the ground in scraps)
 A Ford Ranger's swipe barely scratches a guardrail.
 (A guardrail gets damaged)
 A guardrail's scratch *ANNIHILATES* a Ford Ranger.
 (A door panel gets damaged)
 A Ford Ranger attempts to flee but cannot.
 A Ford Ranger is bleeding freely.
 A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
 (A rear tire gets damaged)
 A Ford Ranger flees from combat losing 999,999,999 experience.


 Even More Noise...

 Darkur newbiechats 'Why, when I was level 1, we didn't have a
 pre-auth area. We fought our way as amoeba out of the primordial
 ooze and if we couldn't make it on land, we died.'
...

 Dreskin racetalks 'how long does weaken last?

 Pryce racetalks 'Two days. Then Monday comes.'
...

 Aerial's car yells 'Help!  I am being attacked by Rosario!'

 Angelus yells 'a car....yelling....whats a car?'
 Someone yells 'I wanna thwap my car!'

 Rosario yells 'The things I manage to find. =)'

 Thadius yells 'A hot, buttered, freshly shaven yak yells 'Help!
 I am being attacked by Rosario!''


 Two Years of Titles

 Jari Litmanen, killing in the name of Debbie Gibson.
 Georg can resist anything but temptation.
 Bele wants to become a slacker but is too damn lazy.
 Jari, killing in the name of Britney Spear's implants.
 Kreel the Lamb Chopper.
 Eeris WhiteBlood is going to stop procrastinating, soon.
 Mischief- A 69 is neuron pleasing anatomical shareware!
 Darrek. Women - Can't live with 'em. Can't do most positions without 'em.
 Throm knows that coffee is a dish best eaten with a fork.
 Gultar Endymion speaks in the third person as God.
 Wraegn says 'A night with sunshine is like the day.".
 Xenpaolin GreyBorne, Can someone change my diapers?
 Odessyus Harthlen sits naked at his computer when he muds.
 Valashrect B/D,S/M,its an alphabet soup of hedonistic delight.
 Graem Your powers are useless. I wear tin foil underwear.
 Turalyon- creator of tuna safe dolphin.
 Sigwulf wishes he was on Buffy...erm with Buffy
 Qizatch has belladonna sticking out of its mouth.
 Gethi v2.0....special Balzhur edition!
 Kuni Talier, all the power, half the calories.
 Saraoreo wants to move to Canada for the 5 pin bowling, eh?
 Mino: I'm just a f*%$#ing ray of sunshine, aren't I?
 Laine Bela Morte: What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
 Zerial:I'm the Boss and I have HER permission to say so!
 Saderax Darkraven - as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
 Albert, Fat.
 Quickcut bot Gladiator DVD, for the christians and lions.

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                         WE WANT YOU!
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 We are looking to add to the ranks of scribes here at the CoD!
 If you have the desire to become part of this staff and put some
 creative urges to use, then please submit a sample of writing
 on the CoD public boards.

 The CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
 square or south of quills and parchments on market street.

 Submissions and Requests will be taken till the first week of
 May. Selections will be made by the first week in May as well.


 Thank you!

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                       Quest and Contest
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 Happy Festivus!

 Every culture has it's own holidays, except for us!

 Your mission - come up with a Realms of Despair holiday and
 write a brief (no more than 1 note) explaination of that holiday
 and when and why it should be celebrated.  You should also
 include any items that are siginificant to the holiday (ie. a
 tree at Christmas for some).

 Answers should be mudmailed to Elisabet no later than April
 25th at 9:00pm EST/system time.  Entries will be judged and the
 winning ones will be posted in the May issue.


                             ,--.
                            {    }
                            K,   }
                           /  -Y`
                      ,   /   /
                     {_'-K.__/
                       `/-.__L._
                       /  ' /`\_}
                      /  ' /
              ____   /  ' /
       ,-'----    --/  ' /_             It is
     ,'             ``---  ',           my pleasure
    (                        Y          to announce
   {                         I          that Trinda
  {      -                    `,        has been hired
  |       ',                   )        as the new curator
  |        |   ,..__      __. Y         of my museum.
  |    .,_./  Y ' / 'Y   J   )|         Thank you to all
  \           |' /   |   |   ||         who applied.
   \          L_/    . _ (_,.'(
    \,   ,      ^^""' / |      )
      \_  \          /,L]     /         -Moonbeam
        '-_--,       ` `   ./`
           `'{_            )
               ^^\..___,.--`

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                          In Closing
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 We look forward to the next year ahead, and thank you for all
 of the support of the last two years. We have many ideas and
 plans for the future, and are working on them as you read this.

 Remember we are looking to add to our staff, and if you are
 interested we can not wait to hear from you. See HELP CRY20

     Thank you for reading!!!, from the staff of the CoD.

 feedback? comments? fan/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at
 the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
 square or south of quills and parchments on market street.

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