______ ______ ______ ______ ______
| (__` () | | | | ) | __|
|______)___|\_\___ | |______;___|
______ ______ ____|__ ___|__ ______ ___ ______
|. | _) \ \___|(_ (_' () | . | | () | .|
| `- |______/______|__)____) __;____|_;___;___|\_\ -' |
. \ `-_ |___| _-' / .
| `-_\_ `-_ | _-' _/_-' |
`\. `-_ -. `- _ \ / _ -' .- _-' ./'
.\_ `-_ /--__``--__ \ _.-`-._ / __--''__--\ _-' _/.
\ `-_ `\__ ``-- ``--__ (.-.,.-.) __--'' --'' __/' _-' /
`-_ ``-/ ``--__ _ \'))- -((` / _ __--'' \-'' _-'
|` `-_ ``--__ - \\. ! .// - __--'' _-' '|
`--__``/``__``-- __ .-'. .` . __ --''__''\''__--'
+-------------;;;-.-----+' , , `+-----.-;;;-------------+
| [STAFF] |.';._)(_,' `.| [CONTENTS] |
| Anaisse Apollonia | \ ( | Feature |
| Cyniq Dacoit Conran | | , '. | Poems/Stories |
| Deevlit Keroppi Kuah | / \ | Funny Bones |
| Louellin Mea Ranstlin | /. | Guilds/Orders |
| Thabo Tunclon Vestia +=+=-=+=-=+=-=+ Quest Central |
| [EDITOR] Mystaric | May 30 1999 | Classifieds |
| [PRINTER] Bede | Number 09 | Announcements |
| [HTML] Grishnakh | | |
+-----------------------+-------------+-----------------------+
______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ _______ ______ ______
| (__ () | _) \ | ---| \___| . |_ _| | | () | \___|
|______)______;______/ |____| |______;____|_| |__| |_______;___|\_\______;
-------------------- The Cry of Despair Feature Story --------------------
Interview with Edmond Nomaihr - Newbie Council
by Conran Treves and Anaisse GreyBorne
Although he was on duty at the time Edmond was kind enough to grant
an interview with us at the last second with no notice...Thanks Edmond :
Conran asks "Why did you want to become a newbie council member?"
Edmond says "I had hit a point where runs and equipment hadnt hit any
sort of appeal for me anymore. I needed to get active doing something
exciting" I began watching the public channels i had never used, and
found a whole new world of work to do."
Edmond says 'I noticed that most of that work got pushed to the NCers
so I figured that's would be the best way to help out around the realms.
They do a lot of work most of the realms wasn't willing to do, and
that's what I wanted.
Anaisse asks "What is the goal of newbie council? Edmond answers
"The goal of the newbie council is to teach others how to have a
better time playing, and make the time they are on as care free as
possible when it comes to CR's and equipment choices and all around
general help"
"What would you do in an average day as a newbie councillor?" asked
Conran. Edmond says "Go chan +all, -auction and traffic, watch, listen
and answer questions. Do Cr's as they come up, anywhere from 1 - 20 or
who need an aid or cure, and then basically be on call for any
questions that arise"
Anaisse says "That sounds like a full day!"
Edmond nods solemnly and replies "Generally, yes sometimes too full."
Anaisse asks "How many hours a week would you say are needed if someone
wanted to apply?" Edmond says 'Council mins are 4-6 hrs, but most of us put in
that in a day, not because we have to but because we want to."
Conran asks "What duty as a newbie councillor do you dislike the most?"
Edmond says "That's a toughie. One thing i dislike the most is trying to
convince lowbies to start learning on their own.
People want hand outs. it's hard to teach people that it's ok to explore
and to die now and then."
Anaisse asks "When is the time to ask for help in your opinion?"
Edmond says 'when you've tried yourself, and died tryin, or know
you will without a doubt.. not just maybe. but definitely'
Edmond says "When you've tried the help files and homepages
and just don't know where else to look."
Conran says "Okay what is your favourite job as an NCer?"
Edmond says 'Cr's for the most part.. i treat it more like
one of morphy's item quests.. find the room. and it's by far
the most satisfying part.'
Anaisse asks "Do you have any special help for doing crs?"
Edmond says 'the biggest help most everyone doesn't have, is
the council.. combined, we pretty have the knowledge to cover
the whole realms just about'
Anaisse asks "What would you tell a player that wanted to apply?
"what skills/knowledge should they have first?"
Edmond says "To join NC, someone should be well equipped in knowledge
of pre-auth, even better knowledge of lowbie areas, and a decent amount of
experience with lowbie equipment. Those are the keys. And most
importantly, come equipped with a large amount of patience.
Conran says "Also Edmond, say something about if we fail, we get newbieset :P"
Edmond agrees with Conran. Edmond says "That's a fun one."
Conran says 'That is reequips anyone from lev 1 - 5 with pre
auth equipment."
Edmond was still working throughout the interview...giving
directions to 4 different areas and administering his wealth of
advice. Wrapping up our interview, Conran asks if there are any
truly memorable moments...Edmond replied that he had Cr'd both Jott
and Gisborne as well as alts 'There ya go.. when has an NCer been
an NCer too long?" "When he has cr'd the newer NC members."
Conran says 'thats gotta be a good feeling :)' Edmond nods in agreement to
Conran.
At this point Edmond had to leave for a cr in the shoals. This is one
seriously hard working council!!
As Edmond stated earlier, they also have a great deal of fun. For
example...Edmonds bio :)
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy hops.
Thou will be drunk,
And I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is The Ale, The Bitter and The Lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen
________________________________
/ , _ /\
. .' | /|/ \ _ _ , |_/
:`...' `.,' ' | |__// \_|/ /|/|/| / \_ |
`. ' .**. ; ; ': \ | \_/ |_/ | | |_/ \/ \
` ``:`****,' .' : \ \
..::. ``**":.'' `. | \|/
.: `: ; `,' : | _, _| \||/
`: ` : ; | / | /|/| / | \||/
: : : ; / \/|_/ | |_/\/|_/ /\||/
: : : .: | | \||/
: : :..,' ``::. | | \||/
`....:..' ..:;'' \ \ \||/
.: . ...:::: | () _|_ _ ,_ o _ , | \||/
,'''''``::::::: | /\ | / \_/ | | |/ / \_ | \||/
`:::: | /(_) |_/\_/ |/|/|_/ \/ | \||/
`::. / | \|
`:: __/___________________________ / ||
. ,. ::::' / ,.. / / |
.'.' ``. :: \ .'.. `. \__/ '
' .: :: ,'.' .--------------------'
.' ,' .:::::: ,.' .:::.
.' .' ..:' ::: ., .;'
Stories from the Bloodbath.
One day while strolling through Hoan Dor my band and I came
upon the cave of Kael Bannor. Creeping cautiously, after being
warned by the enchanter Tim, we looked into the bone littered
refuge of one of the realms most dreaded creatures and what
happened on that fateful day is as follows, related to us by the
remaining member of our expedition....
Behold... the cave of Kael Bannor...
"Right, keep me covered."
"What with?"
"Just keep me covered.."
"Too Late!" *gasps among the band*
"There he is."
"Where?"
"There"
"What, behind the rabbit?"
"It is the rabbit!"
"You silly sod, you got us all worked up"
"Well it's no ordinary rabbit, that's the most foul, crewl and bad
tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.."
"I soiled my armor I was so scared."
"Look, that rabbit has got a vicious streak a mile wide"
"It's a killer!"
"Oh please.. "It'll do you a cheap death"
"I'm warning you.."
"What's he do, nibble your bum?"
"He's got huge sharp..he can leap about.. look at the bones!"
"Go on Rathain, chop it's head off.."
"Right, silly little bugger."
"One rabbit stew coming right up!"
"LOOK!"
*The rabbit leaps ten feet into the air and bites the head off
Rathain whose bloody stump falls to the floor lifeless*
"Goooood Lord!"
"I warned you.."
"I've done it again!" *Allanon soils his armor for the second time*
"I warned you but did you listen.. oh no.. you no..it's just a
harmless little bunny isn't it? It's always the same.."
"Oh shut up!"
"Right, CHARGE!"
*The band all swarm over the protective hillock swords raised
with a battle cry*
*Pandemonium ensues*
*The rabbit leaps and darts about the men, dismembering and"
decapitating man after man*
*Blood and entrails litter the field though the the knights
valiantly try to overcome their enemy*
"RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY"
*The party retreats, bloody and beaten to the relative safety
of the hillock*
"How many did we lose?
"Faerielyn, Covellia, and Daishan.."
"That's five Sir"
"Three."
"Right three.."
"We'd better not risk a frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite"
"Would it help to confuse it if we ran away more?"
"Oh shut up, and go change your armor"
"Perhaps if we taunt it, it will become so cross that it will make
a mistake."
"Like what?"
"Well..."
"Have we got bows?"
"No."
"We have the Holy Hand Grenade.."
"Yes of course, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, tis one of the
relics brother Menard keeps with him."
"Brother Menard, bring out the Holy Hand Grenade."
*Brother Menard retrieves the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and
hands it to Ashiana*
"How does it, erm, work?"
"Consult the Book of Armaments"
"..And Saint Antiloc raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high
saying O Lord, bless this thy Hand Grenade that with it thy can
blow thine enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy"
"And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast."
"And the Lord did spake saying.. First shall thou take out the
holy pin, then shoult thou count to three.. no more, no less."
"Once the number three, being the third number be reached, then
lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade toward thy foe, who, being
naughty in my sights, shall be snuffed."
"Amen."
*Nitsuj, having heard brother Menard's oration, pulls the pin
and lobs the Grenade at the lair of Kael Bannor*
"One, two, five"
"Three sir."
"Three!"
*Arching into the air, the grenade falls down into the dark cave
and explodes in a cloud of white powder and tremendous force*
Thus signaled the end of the legendary rabbit, Kael Bannor...
______ ____ _ ______ ______ ______ ___
| __| | | | | | | | |__ ______ ______ ______ _______
|___| |______;____|_;____|_;___ | | . | ) | | \___|(_ (_`
--- funny - bones --------- |______| |______;______;____|_;______|__)____)
Funny Titles
Keroppi thinks he's cuter than Keanu! {BL,QM}. (Order of MaidenStone)
Yerinna deep pool of dark red blood Far Dareis Mai. (Order of MaidenStone)
Vobia, the Vampire Slayer (Buffy's Personal Friend).
Cyniq Pay homage to the almighty WiB *Wibble*. (Order of Baali) [The Symposium]
Gadoblamig Follower of the Almighty WiB *Wibbles*. (Order of Baali)
Dagen circles now, quaffs later!. (Order of Ringbearers)
Orin might not respond...so please dont cry
Funny Lines
Fobertron: devote darrek -- No such deity holds weight in this world -- Ha,
shows what the game knows
This is the first time I saw this... :p
Xebadalhi reports: 1466/1491 hp 85/500 mana 412/-210 mv 135297832 xp.
We got ourselves a new statue for the []. ;)
You say 'My four-year-old daughter just asked me a question I have
never heard, nor do I think I can answer'
You laugh.
You say 'I cant believe she just asked me this'
Zalasta says 'what did she ask?'
You say 'wanted to know what....a particular part of the male anatomy
is made of.'
You say 'OK no more changing my son's diaper in front of HER.'
Zalasta says 'who knows..'
Zalasta says 'brain material?'
Dreskin racetalks 'how long does weaken last?
Pryce racetalks 'Two days. Then Monday comes.'
Famous last words...
He's probably just hibernating.
What does this button do?
So, you're a cannibal?
Are you sure the power is off?
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
No, my shoes aren't untied.
What duck?
Pull the pin and count to what?
I've seen this done on TV.
Nice doggie.
You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you.
Geek Humor
Two strings walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have a beer, please."
The second one says, "I'll have a bee@#() _)!"\\ _+_@@#nm29^%"
The bartender looks at the first string and asks,
"Is your friend drunk?"
The first string looks up and says,
"Naw. He's just not null-terminated."
Social quest :)
Social name: concern
concern to self: Amoria seems concerned. Perhaps you should see
what's wrong.
concern to nobody: Amoria looks a bit concerned.
concern to somebody: Amoria looks at you, obviously concerned.
Social name: Blonde
Blonde to self: You bob your head from side to side. Are you that ditzy?
blonde to nobody: Amoria bobs her head from side to side like a perfect blonde
Blonde to somebody: Amoria looks at you and waits to see if you bob
your head from side to side.
social name: Keyboard
keyboard to self: You fall asleep on they keyboardfneualhe.
Keyboard to nobody: Amoria's tired. Amoria falls over on the keyboarekjbnaf
keyboard to someond: Amoria gets tired of waiting for you and falls
over on the keyboareefaeiulg.
The new social : INSANE
The message that people see :
To yourself : Thulkinn is placed into a straight jacket, and escorted
away by men in white coats.
On Others : Thulkinn says, "Take (name) away boys, Insanity is the works of
the Devil himself!"
To Nobody : Thulkinn starts to sing, "They're coming to take me away,
OH NO! hehe! ha ha! To the funny farm.."
What YOU see :
To yourself: Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
To others : You should be proud of yourself. They could have hurt
themselves or others. Hope they give them a sticky pacifier.
To Nobody : La la la To the funny farm we go. Pack a tooth brush?
Can't really submit this but just thought about it...
how about a REAL MAN social!
realman: (person) struts proudly and says "Getta whiffa that one boys!"
Once there was Darrek the Imm
His stein was filled to the brim,
Then in a drunken state,
He said with much hate,
I could purge this mud on a whim!
==================================================
There once was an imm, name of Jade,
Who had many great games to be played.
At first, they went fine,
Then the mortals would whine,
Though she found that they stopped when she slayed...
==================================================
There once was an imm named Serina,
The sweetest thing you've ever seen-a.
Then Misery came
And befriended the dame,
And now nobody can get near her.
==================================================
There once was an imm, name of Bede,
Who made wonderful papers to read!
Like the "Cry of Despair",
Which I may declare
Is the nicest thing I've ever see-d!!!
Submitted by Akael
______ ______ ___ ___ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______
| () | | | | |__| _) \(_ (_ | . | | _) \
|___ ;______;___;______;______/__)____) |____|_;____|_;______/
|______| ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______
| () | () | _) \ \___| () |(_ (
_________ |______|___|\_\______/______;___|\_\__)____) _____________
GoP News
The GoP now has reactivated its Apprenticeship Program with a few
changes. It is a program by which level 10 - 25 Paladin characters
may be mentored by an Avatar member of the GoP on the ways and skills
of a Paladin in preparation for entry into the guild or just to
receive help on being a more effective Paladin.Mentors or Masters will
have [Knight] in their title. Levels 10-17 Apprentices will have
[Page of (Mentor)] in their title. Levels 18-25 Apprentices will have
[Squire of (Mentor)] in their title. The purpose of this program
is for Mentors to advise Apprentices not to fetch equipment or plevel
them. This will help Paladin characters get Paladin specific informa-
tion that is not always available on the chat or ask channel but often
on the guild channel that they do not have access to since they are
not yet inducted.
Paladins wishing to apply for the Apprenticeship Program must post
on the Recruiting Office note board at [] 4n 3w 3n stating that they
wish to do so with details of Race, Level and a bit of backgound
on their character. They will be contacted in person or by mud mail
by a Knight or Knightess of the Guild of Paladins. Positions will
be awarded according to availability of mentors and needs of the
individual applicants. Presently there are quite a few positions
open but we have received many inquiries. Please apply if interested
at your earliest convenience for a better chance at starting your
Apprenticeship in the near future.
GoT News
The Guild of Thieves would like to welcome our newest members;
Pruett, Rasmussen, Tsaemanin, Sepi and Krystiana. We would also like
to congratulate Kirg, Feyd and Engrocis for reaching a milestone and
Aving! Good luck to the thieves out there questing for membership,
and our doors are open for those seeking membership.
Guild Pkill Schedule
June 2nd, 9pm EST Warrior-Vampire VS Thief-Augurer
June 5th, 1pm EST Nephandi-Paladin VS Druid-Ranger
June 9th, 1pm EST Augurer-Vampire VS Warrior-Paladin
June 12th, 9pm EST Nephandi-Thief VS Cleric-Ranger
June 16th, 9pm EST Cleric-Vampire VS Nephandi-Ranger
June 19th, 1pm EST Mage-Thief VS Druid-Paladin
June 23rd, 1pm EST Druid-Warrior VS Cleric-Augurer
Quest Central
Quest Results
Boggle Quest
Last Weeks Boggle quest results will be posted on Tuesday June 1st.
Due to numerous entries to last week's Mine Quest, the results will be
posted in next week's issue of Cry of Despair. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Open Quests
Boggle Quest
The objective is to make as many words as possible by following
these simple rules.
1. Each word must be 3 or more letters long.
2. Each tile can only be used once in each word.
3. To form words you have to move from connected tiles.
All entries must be mud mailed to mystaric by Tuesday June 1st.
_______ _______ _______ _______
| | | | | | | |
| G | | E | | E | | S |
| | | | | | | |
|_______| |_______| |_______| |_______|
_______ _______ _______ _______
| | | | | | | |
| T | | I | | N | | L |
| | | | | | | |
|_______| |_______| |_______| |_______|
_______ _______ _______ _______
| | | | | | | |
| L | | R | | U | | Q |
| | | | | | | |
|_______| |_______| |_______| |_______|
_______ _______ _______ _______
| | | | | | | |
| A | | H | | O | | D |
| | | | | | | |
|_______| |_______| |_______| |_______|
______ ____ ______ _______ _______ ___ ______ ___ ______ ______
| (__` |__| . |(_ (_`(_ (_` | __| | \___| _) \
|______)______|____|_|__)____)__)____)___;___| |___;______;______/
----------------------Classifieds----------------------------------
Terril WolfsHeart seeks two Ring of Kings please send mudmail with
offers.
I recently lost a lifebane(well my thief Kema) at Shadowport on May
the 9-10th (no i ain't really sure, cause i just realized it now), if
anyone would be so kind, if they did find it, to give it back, i offer
a 10 glory reward for it..(yes it isn't as much as a lifebane, but
you get the satisfaction of helping me out, and an easy 10 glory)
Wow, getting a prize for doing the right thing, that sounds great!
Thanx,
Kama(or Kema)
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
Pandry wants to trade you eq! All kinds of eq for every align for
trade for the right offer. If you got glory for trade, he's the
man to go to! Seth/La Chute/SoT, its all for trade!
Pandry
Announcements
,d88b.d88b, Hear Ye Hear Ye, I Brakko Blackrose want to ,d88b.d88b,
88888888888 announce to every and all of you readers of 88888888888
`Y8888888Y' this fine newspaper my engagement to my life, `Y8888888Y'
`Y888Y' love and law Nicki Ironspyre. And I also want `Y888Y'
`Y' to invite all who wish to join us in our `Y'
wedding, to come if you wish, June 5th, 5:30PM
EST at the Waterfall at the Mountains of Desolation.
,d88b.d88b, I also wish to announce that I love, with all my ,d88b.d88b,
88888888888 heart, soul, flesh, bone and blood, Nicki. She 88888888888
`Y8888888Y' has infused a sense of caring that has let me live `Y8888888Y'
`Y888Y' this last months of my life. She is everything `Y888Y'
`Y' for me. I love you Nicki!!!!! `Y'
The CoD has a new public board for you to post suggestions and ideas for the
paper. The board is located in our New Front Office which is located
e,s,u,u,s,w,s from dh[].
Say, you! Yes, you, sitting there with your dagger
dripping with the blood of some unlucky mob!
Sure, you can kill these things for fun and profit,
but deep down you want something more meaningful.
You want to show the Realms your stuff, that you're
not just another roseate ring-headed killer.
But how do you stand away from the crowd?
How do you distinguish yourself?
It's simple! Write for the CoD! Your words will
be immortalized for all time! Your name will resound
throughout the land! You'll get long hours
and the occasional pizza slice!
Send mudmail to Mystaric with your application!
Do it now, or we'll sic the Chadoyn on you. Grrr.
In your application please use the following format.
Name:
Class:
Guild/Order/Clan:
Why you want to join the paper staff.
What you feel you can do to make the paper better.
A brief sample of your writing using one of the following topics.
1. Informative - report on an event or happening in the realms
2. Creative story - Short piece of fiction.
3. Humor - Comical review or witty story.
4. Design - Sampling of your ASCII art.
Applications will be accepted for one week only.
Mystaric
Editor - Cry of Despair
Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down