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| (__| '_| || | / _ \ _| | |_) | -_)_-< '_ \ _` | | '_|
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#46 . March 2001
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mortal staff:
alendil, aylssa, begaria, conran, dein, goomra, ilsensine,
lorel, naithalia, oknelim, saraphin, sarig, shingo
immortal staff:
cersei(finance) elisabet(sponsor)
editor:
kuah
.................................................................
DESK OF THE EDITOR
spring cleaning
POLLS
opinions of the everyday player on current events
ASK THE CoE
the CoE takes some time out to answer your questions
QUEST AND CONTEST
logs, quotes and titles
WHO WANTS TO BE A 2.147BILLIONAIRE?
a gameshow like no other...
ROLEPLAY
lady naithalia starts her new featured article
FUNNY BONES!
laughs from the crazy world we call 'realms.'
PUBLIC SUBMISSIONS
from the mouths of the masses
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desk of the editor
.................................................................
spring cleaning
We are nearing the end of our 2nd year of publication. I'll save
the hoopla and kudos for the next issue when it is official.
(And we have decided to make it a 'best-of' much like the 1st
year anniversary issue, but this time with an all 'funny bones'
issue.)
I want to take this time to wish safe travels to Kyrnia, who
recently stepped down. As it was with Mystaric and Ayesh before
her, great things will continue to happen with the paper because
we now have the fluttersnuggle herself... Elisabet. I along with
the staff welcome her as our new imm sponsor! =)
Thanks, and enjoy.
Kuah
feedback? comments? fan/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at
the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven
square or south of quills and parchments on market street.
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polls
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What makes a good leader?
Someone who doesn't ask anyone to do anything they themselves
wouldn't do. Alegifu
Being just one of the ppl without getting powertrippy. Kirg
Be able to delegate responsibilities in a way that makes the
subjects around him feel that they are part of something
good. Seantier
A strong imagination, a good head, the ability to make decisions
and a good supply of quality drugs in case the first three don't
work. Doreen
A good leader is some one who cares enough to lead by
example. Aglician
What makes a good leader?
Animal magnetism. Its all about the sexiness. Valashrect
someone who is good with dealing with people, in good times and
bad. Calandra
Someone who can consume more alcohol than an elephant. Feyd
Compassion and understanding. Leaders have to listen to their
members, whether guild or order. Bertram
hrm, commitment. Lopuis
Ability to direct people, ability to keep a cool head when
things go wrong, tactfulness in conversation, ability to write
notes. Zwanth
What makes a good leader?
Someone who leads by example, someone who cares about those who
they lead, and someone who's experience benefits those under
him. Asmodeous
Someone who can recognize the faults of themself and their
followers and figure a plan to make them better. Jigure
Someone who is strong in their conviction yet is willing to
listen to his fellow guildsmen for ideas. Merkyl
Thanks to all of you who took time to reply!
.................................................................
ask the CoE
.................................................................
Why no option to delete a character?
This policy has been in place for as long as I have played
Realms. Since 'because it has always been that way' isn't much
of an answer, I can only give my view of the situation. A
character can always be deleted for the wrong reason. If you
are hacked, someone could just delete you. If you have a bad
day, delete yourself, then change your mind, you have no
further recourse. While the argument could be made that many
players are old enough and mature enough to make their own
decisions, I think the potential administrative problems it
could cause would be nightmarish. Just judging on the amount
of problems the Oracle deals with on a regular basis I can't
see adding one more problem to the pile. A character can be
deleted if you simply have the patience to see it out.
Why do thief mobs only keep a percentage of the gold they steal?
Thieves, as well as other mobs in an area, deposit their gold
into their area's economy. The policy has its drawbacks and
benefits. It prevents unscrupulous players from abusing thief
mobs to line their own pockets. However, there is the ever so
annoying 'Hey, this thief stole one bajillion coins from me and
I only got 4 back when I killed it'. The two offset each other.
And frankly, if I ever pick your pocket, I'm going to stash that
cash as quickly as possible. Um, hypothetically speaking, of
course.
Consider OOG items: Why remove the item from the mob, but not
the items(s) from the player?
That's a rather broad question. I think each item removed from
the game has its own set of reasons. For instance, Uncertainty
is out of the game and was removed to further the story line of
Scourge of Time. Simply because the smack was laid down on Jagr
does not mean everyone who had an Uncertainty should loose it.
Some items were intentionally added for a short period of time,
like Goroggles. 'Old clan' is the remnants of the early pkill
system. The tendency among immortals is to avoid stripping items
away from players. It has happened in the past, but we usually
will leave what has been earned with a player.
Do you find it difficult to address lack of interest from long
time players?
The difficulty lies morein keeping the game both interesting and
balanced. The latest spurt of disinterest among some older
players is due mainly to a lack of new areas/new major code over
the past year and a half. Yes, new areas and new code will be
coming as soon as we are humanly able to have it set and working
properly. A bulk of this work has been completed and a lot of
what is occurring now is tying up loose ends. The immortals who
have worked on our new projects have slaved endlessly and
deserve more respect and recognition that I can cram into this
measly little buffer (You know who you are). I think I can
safely say when all is said and done, your socks are gonna be
knocked off.
Thanks to Kali who always takes the time to answer your
questions. If you have a mud related question you would like
to see answered submit them to a CoD public board. Or send
them in mud-mail to Kuah.
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quest and contest
.................................................................
Winners from the 'cupid's arrow/broken heart' quest this past
month included; Indious, Alkaizer, Llaura, Kuah, Aesculapius
Vannor, Ilsensine and Pachinko.
Top winners from 'immortal catch-phrase' contest; Ilsensine in
1st place for Iliana - All the sin with only half the calories.
And Bannor in 2nd place with Tiki - Sugar take cover, here
comes the sweets lover!
The Thieves Guild recently held a quest to stop the destructive
beast known as Cthulu. Thieves in the battle included Danilobre,
Reiokenon, Ferokenon, Taammy, Seantier, Alegifu, Kuah, Tamalia
and Zeigfried with the killing blow delivered by Kirg! Glory was
for the defeat was given to all.
.................................................................
who wants to be a 2.147billionaire?
.................................................................
written by:ilsensine
SinSinLee:
Hello and welcome to, Who wants to be a 2.147billionaire?!
I'm your smarmy, irksome host, Sin Sin Lee!! Tonight we'll be
playing fastest finger first as always.
*dubbed cheering of crowd, note that most of the crowd is
suspiciously static*
SinSinLee:
Here comes your question folks. Get ready to give me the answer
in the correct format of the four letters. Put these 4 immortals
in alphabetical order from A-Z!
A) Viracocha B) Cersei C) Iliana D) Ceirana
Uglor: BCDA
Pheayre: DCBA
Zistrosk: DBCA
Kacy: They are all wrong, Z comes before A in my alphabet!
SinSinLee:
And yessss.... we have a winner! It's Zistrosk, A used car
salesman from Wyoming!!!
Zistrosk kicks a tire.
Zistrosk:
On sale today, come on down! Nobody beats our prices!
SinSinLee:
Ooooh.. Now step up to the hotseat to play... Who wants to be
rich and suchlike!!! I mean.. well you all know what I mean
damnit Ok... first question of the night... for 100 coins!
Complete the area title. .... Daycare.
A) Elven B) Pixie C) Dwarven D) Half-Ogre
Zistrosk sweats.
Pheayre snickers softly.
Zistrosk: C!
Zistrosk: C, Dwarven!
SinSinLee:
Are you sure thats the right answer? You seem very confidant.
Zistrosk: That's my answero de finale.
Kacy knows Zist is only confident because he listened to his
'How to be a Confident Used Car Salesman while playing a
Gameshow' Audiobook.
Zistrosk(to Kacy): How did you know??
SinSinLee:
You said, C - Dwarven.... *drumroll* Congratulations!
SinSinLee:
You are on 100 coins! But we don't want to give you that. We
want to get you upto 200 coins!
Zistrosk looks forward to being able to afford coffee.
SinSinLee:
For 200 coins... Who is the supreme entity in RoD?
A) Schporic B) Thoric C) Shingo D) A cocker-spaniel named Bill
Zistrosk: B, Thoric!!
SinSinLee:
Hmm.. You ruled out the others awfully quickly there. Do you
know the answer? Or is that just good guessing?
Zistrosk: Thoric! It's Thoric I tell you!
SinSinLee:
Final answer?
Zistrosk nods solemnly.
SinSinLee:*annoying jingle*
You've won 200 coins! Moving on to 300. The questions may get
harder soon... In which area would you find Zeus?
A) Shattered Refuge B) Revelation City C) New Thalos D) Olympus
Zistrosk: Olympus, and that's my final answer!
SinSinLee:
*OooOOooo* Ok! Ok! No need to get snappy!! Buuuuuttt.... You've
won 300 coins!!
Kacy: Jeer! Boo! Hiss!
SinSinLee:
Lets see if we can make it 500... remember you still have all
three lifelines intact!! Now for 500 coins.
How much glory does it cost for a rename?
A) 20 B) 28 1/2 C) 4.3 D) It's free if you buy Darrek a beer
Pheayre chants D! D!
Zistrosk: 20 glory, and that's my final !!
SinSinLee:
Computer, what is the correct answer... It's A! You win 500
coins! Now... This is the last time you can go home with
nothing! For 1000 coins.
What would you kill to get the chains of imprisonment?
A) Kali B) Gr'Staka C) Aunt Ethel D) Any good dominatrix
Zistrosk: Gr'Staka! My final answer!
SinSinLee:
Are you sure? You might want to phone a friend. These questions
are harder than they look.
Zistrosk: It's Gr'Staka for sure! I know!
SinSinLee:
Oooh confidant.. you must sell a lot of cars out in Wyoming. So
tell me Zistrosk, is there a large market for used cars in
Wyoming?
Zistrosk: It's wide open, WIDE I say...
SinSinLee:
Fascinating I'm sure... now lets see if your answer is correct!
Congratulations! You've won 1000 coins!!!
*Woo! Cheer! Clap!* (eep! that was meant for the autocue *curse*)
Haderan slumps over and falls asleep.
Kacy: Oh no, in all the excitement, a man died! Use the
lifeline to call an ambulance!
SinSinLee:
Somehow you've made it though! Things are gonna get tougher now.
SinSinLee jumps as her phone rings.
SinSinLee:
Hello... yes... ummm... what??? no... surely not!.. you can't!!
Umm... err... Oh dear.
SinSinLee puts down the phone.
Korogo is confused.
Kacy is so terrified, she cannot stop gripping onto the arms
of her seat.
SinSinLee:
Ummm.. we have bad news folks... the funding for this auspicious
and highly lucrative show has been cut. I guess some people just
don't appreciate true class. Oh well. So it's bye from
SinSinLee, Join us.. err.. well there won't be a next time so
scratch that... Anyways.. this has been...
"Who wants to be a 2.147billionaire?"
Zistrosk: *wail* Noooooo... now I'll never be able to
afford coffee!
Kacy just smiles and claps like the flashing red signs tell her to.
SinSinLee:
Oh well.. I guess I'll go back to being Bob from North London..
Making a living by drying and preserving pigeon entrails...
*sigh*
***Nauseating theme tune***
If you'd like to be a future contestant.. then tough luck...
You can't!!!
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role-play
.................................................................
written by:naithalia
TODAY'S TOPIC: Descriptions
A good description is vital to role-playing. A desc should show
what your character looks like, usually in such a way that some
of his character is revealed as well. The most important thing
about a desc is to keep it just a desc!
That is, none of this:
Bob turns towards you and grins, showing off a mouth of jagged
teeth.
What happens if you look at Bob when he's asleep? Or fighting?
Or making out with Jill? Actions are right out. Just describe
what the character looks like.
A good desc is memorable and unique, so avoid cliches. Eyes do
not burn into souls. And please, avoid having the viewer take
action, for example:
You see Bob's buff manly physique and butterflies stir in your
stomach. You've never believed in love at first site before...
What if the viewer is a man? Or a militant lesbian? Or is
simply turned off by smelly half-trolls? (There's a lot of us.)
editors note: Naith's views on us half-trolls are her own!!
You can't make someone fall in love with you, or have a chill
go up their spine, or even have an urge to look away.
In RP, you only control you. Include plenty of detail.
Is your character rich? Describe their expensive tailored
clothing. Is she a seductress? (Aren't we all?) Note that a
scent of jasmine wafts from her.
Try to show instead of tell, like instead of this:
Bob has the pendant of the Winkle family.
Do this:
Hanging from a silken cord about Bob's neck glints a bronze
talisman with a trollish rune raised from it.
Think of the viewer as knowing nothing. You can't assume they
know what the Winkle family pendant looks like and will be able
to recognize it as such.
editors note: Naith's views on the Winkle pendant are her own!!
For a good site with lots of RP tips for RoD players,
check RoleplayCrafts: http://rpc.excelland.com
Special thanks to Kaan and Rhyl
NEXT TIME: Emotes
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funny bones
.................................................................
The lost tongue twisters
Try reading these lines as fast as possible!
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is fool cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now, read the THIRD word of every line in rapid succession. ;)
Someone tells you 'Darrek says 'Honey, if I had my way. I'd drop
a phone book on pixie hometown. Kill hundreds of thousands.'
Guild of Droods
Poli guildtalks 'hrmph! English wuz me best subject'
Ilsensine guildtalks 'bah.. silly derivative off shoot language
speakers :P'
Norin guildtalks 'bah, you havent seen me speak in slang yet'
Ilsensine guildtalks 'Although.. speaking of spelling and
suchlike.. don't you just love the way Phonetic is spelled? :P'
Mikado guildtalks 'Yah, it's got "ho" in it.'
Zistrosk guildtalks 'what about dyslexia, Ilsensine?'
Mikado guildtalks 'or lisp?'
Ilsensine guildtalks 'Only Phonetic actually contradicts itself
so fully tho :P
Mikado guildtalks 'how cruel is that? people who lisp can't
pronounce lisp properly.'
Guild of Droods II
Poli guildtalks 'hehe..ya know..at onetime I got sooo used to
typing me words like this..I actually started writing like
this...=)'
Shingo guildtalks 'lithp?'
Mikado guildtalks 'or even worse talking like it?'
Norin guildtalks 'nah, what really eggs me is when i'm talking
on icq and put say, in front of everything I type :p'
Zistrosk guildtalks 'Norin, I find myself doing that on battlenet
and everyone else keeps saying, "no, I won't say that" as if I
was telling them to say it'
Mikado guildtalks '"Oh Em Gee! El Oh El, Double-U Tee Ef?
Semi-colon parenthesis"'
3 little imms (submitted by: Cersei)
3 little imms from RoD are we,
Pert as an imm-girl well can be,
filled to the brim with impish glee-eee,
3 little imm's from RoD.
Everything is a source of fun,
Nobody's safe, for we care for none,
Your life is a joke that's just begun,
3 little imm's from RoD.
From 3 little imms take one away,
Two little imms remain, and they,
Won't have to wait very long, they say,
There will be another imm'd real soon,
There will be another imm'd real soon.
Three little imm's who're all contrary,
Come from an order, they were all big faeries,
Freed from the guilds tutelary,
3 little imms from RoD,
Repeat the first verse and fade out.
(Adapted from the song "3 little maids")
The Missing Link
Korogo stole Kacy's link.
Kacy wants her link back.
Korogo traffics Kacy's link.
Kacy DEMANDS her link back.
Korogo can't find a buyer.
Korogo eats Kacy's link.
Korogo rubs his tummy and exclaims, "Yummy!"
Kacy laughs.
Kacy THWAPS Korogo for being a moron.
Korogo grins.
Kacy says 'Puke it up buddy'
Korogo says 'maybe later'
Kacy says 'Or else you will be the first male to have a C section
done on them'
Kacy gets out her scythe.
Korogo says, 'ooOOooOOooOOoo.'
Korogo utters the words, 'aqua breath'.
Korogo waves happily.
Korogo says 'too bad'
Korogo utters the words, 'plant pass'.
Shout Spam
Loril shouts 'imm'
Loril shouts 'bah'
Herne shouts 'Hi!'
Stoneheft shouts 'Neophyte!'
Pheayre shouts 'mastah'
Dria shouts 'Bah?!'
Noplex: shouts 'Can I have shout?'
...titles
Meade BitterAle the Beer Hunter.
Cyrados wish he knew the differnce between seth and set.
Iathos Vancour is a *PLEDGE* oh rapture.
Quickcut bot Gladiator DVD, for the christians and lions.
Aphrael Treves-Siarshad dances in airports.
Goomra toasts bunnies.
Lathos Vancour is a Recovering Teleport addict.
Tsandoya; You say 'potato' and I say 'utter contempt'.
Winnie the Pooh (*sigh* That's gonna haunt me forever).
Gutekkyn Says, 'I... See.. Dead-ly... People... !'.
Pheayre: Pretty Fly for a Druidic Guy.
Keilgarde Gluesniffer.
Fianavar the *Cuddly* stuffed ranger!
Elysee the *ugly* stuffed half-troll.
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public submissions
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poem by: Sarig
Today
I decided to die
now it is only a matter of time
I am so sorry
for all the pain I have caused
I understand
if you don't forgive me
I will never forgive myself
Take the words I have written
and let everyone see
so they know
I tried so hard
to make it
but I couldn't
This may be the final words written by me
so please let everyone see.
poem by: Caradan
Over the bridge
By the river
As the Mountain weathers
In the rain
Under the sun
None's for ever
Where the road leads
When our paths cross
Here together
Thank you for reading the Cry of Despair!
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Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down