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Jibberish by Thulkinn Krogenstar, Selina steps up in Guild of Warriors

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|   L   | Editor : Mystaric  |     #10    Jun. 6,1999    Vol. 1      |
|       | Printer: Bede      |                         |             |
|       |      [Staff]       | Feature                 | _________   |
|   I   | Anaisse  Apollonia | Poems/Stories           || *  *  * |  |
|       | Cyniq    Dacoit    | Funny Bones             ||         |  |
|       | Conran   Deevlit   | Guilds/Orders           | \   ^   /   |
|       | Keroppi  Kuah      | Quest Central           |  \ / \ /    |
|   S   | Louellin Mea       | Classified             o=o  \ I /     |
|       | Ranstlin Thabo     | Announcements           I    \_/      |
|       | Tunclon  Vestia    | Letters to Editor       *             |
|       | Romanu             |                         *            /
|   T   |----------------------------------------------------------'
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 -------------------- The Cry of Despair Feature Story --------------------

..:!:..Getting Froggy With It..:!:..
     ()-()    This is what shows up when you check Calis - The Hoopy
   .-(___)-.  Frood's (and no, I didn't spell it wrong, I checked it out)
    _<>_   personal bio (HOP HOP). This hard working Immortal can
    \/   \/   be likened to the mythical Dr. Frankenstein, because he
              is hard at work building the 'better' 'bigger' 'meaner'
monster for the Realms.

     Calis has been working to improve his Shapeshifter, the only mob
of its type in the game.  It actually changes its form randomly, becoming,
at any given time one, of six mobs.

Calis invokes The Shapeshifter!

    The Shapeshifter skulks about here, looking for a fight...
    The Shapeshifter is shrouded in flowing shadow and light.
    The Shapeshifter is surrounded by cascading torrents of energy.
    The Shapeshifter is ensphered by shards of glistening ice.

     This is the Shapeshifter in its most basic form, but wait a moment.

     "It not only shifts names, and both short and long descriptions, but
also the immunes, resistances, attacks and defenses change," says Calis.

  The Shapeshifter takes a swig out of a hipflask...
  The shapeshifter starts shimmering with a green aura.
  The Shapeshifter shimmers with energy as a glow encompasses them...

  A sleek black wolf rests on its powerful haunches.
  Hugo the Shapeshifter is shrouded in flowing shadow and light.
  Hugo the Shapeshifter is surrounded by cascading torrents of energy.
  Hugo the Shapeshifter is ensphered by shards of glistening ice.

  Hugo the Shapeshifter takes a swig out of a hipflask...
  The shapeshifter starts shimmering with a green aura.
  Hugo the Shapeshifter shimmers with energy as a glow encompasses them...

  A giant golem stands here, looking for a fight.
  Kronk the Shapeshifter shimmers beneath an aura of dark energy.
  Kronk the Shapeshifter is surrounded by cascading torrents of energy.
  Kronk the Shapeshifter is ensphered by shards of glistening ice.

These are just three of the six forms the Shapeshifter morphs into.
The programming required for this mob is extremely extensive.

     "For example,a typical mob's program is maybe 1 or 2 pages long.
This so far is about 6 pages long, and I want to double it," says Calis.

Calis has been an Immortal for about a year and a half, and
quite appropriately, he gained that status on Halloween.  He
started off with the Quest Council, but because of the stress
from dealing with complaints, problems and hastles of trying to
provide quests for Mortals, he left and began doing mostly admin-
istrative tasks.

     "I do run occasional quests still but no where near the amount
I used to (which was every day or every other day)," Calis says.
"Everytime you run a quest you cannot please everyone.  Most of
my building is with mobs. I am good with programs."

     Calis continues, "My mobs are not easy, ever. They require
teamwork, brains, and an analytical approach to killing it. A helter
skelter approach where everyone attacks will NEVER work. I get
accused of making my mobs too hard and some say you have to be mega buff.
That is not true. If you work together, and work as a team, they
are all very killable."

    Like most Immortals Calis misses the old days, but occassionaly gets
to roam the realms as a mortal.  He knows many hard core battlers are
always looking for the next BIG mob to take down. Chances are they will
one day find themselves face to face with one of Calis's "Frankensteins".
     By Vestia, Duchess of Waterlord -- Pixie Extraordinaire


Interview with the Leader of the Guild of Warriors

Q: How long have you been leading the GoW?

Selina: I think it's been about 6 months now.

Q: What first made you think you wanted to be the leader of GoW?

Selina: Well, to be honest, I was talked into being second of the guild.
I had no idea at that time what to do. I asked tons of questions and
spoke to a lot of people to learn.

Q: How long had you been a guild member at that point?

Selina: About 5 months.

Q: Did you have any idea of what you were getting yourself into when you
became second?

Selina: I knew it would be alot of work, but I like to help people, so I
was willing to try it.

Q: What do you feel is one of the main things you've accomplished as Leader
of the GoW?

Selina: I can't say I have done anything by myself, the whole guild has
gotten involved and got the councils up and running. A lot of people are
very active and I couldn't keep things running without them.

Q: Ok, then what have been some of the major positive changes that have
happened under your current leadership? The councils?

Selina: I would have to say the councils, all have active members, it
gets the guild involved in many different activities and makes gives us
fun stuff to do :) People weren't really involved before, everyone did
their own thing. Now, we do it as a group.

Q: So would you say your style of leadership emphasizes the Brotherhood
aspect of the GoW?

Selina: I hope so :) That's the most important aspect of the guild.
To me..that's why you join the guild, to be a part of something, to be
in a family.

Q: Where do you see the GoW going in the near future? Any visions for
its growth you would like to share with the CoD readers?

Selina: We are currently working on having an activity for the guild
each night of the week. Basically, to get everyone involved in something
would be the ideal.

Q: What sorts of activities?

Selina: Two pkills per week, trivia night, quest night, and runs on the
remaining nights. :) Especially the quests, it's something for the
non-avs to get involved in.

Q: If you had to pick one thing to say to a potential GoW recruit if they
wanted to maximize their chances of getting in the guild, what would
it be?

Selina: Be respectful to all people, show patience and persistance and
most of all a caring attitude toward your fellow warriors.

Selina says 'and to hug everyone :)'
Selina says 'we hug in the guild :)'

By Romanu

LookIng for clues Try thE funny bones.

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        :`...' `.,'  '    |      |__// \_|/ /|/|/|  / \_  |
    `.  ' .**.  ; ; ':     \     |   \_/ |_/ | | |_/ \/    \
    ` ``:`****,'  .' :      \                               \
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.:    `: ; `,'        :      |       _,         _|          \||/
  `:    `   :         ;      |      / |  /|/|  / |           \||/
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      .:   . ...::::         |   () _|_  _   ,_  o  _  ,     | \||/
     ,'''''``:::::::         |   /\  |  / \_/  | | |/ / \_   |  \||/
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                  `::     __/___________________________    /     ||
           . ,.    ::::' /    ,..                      /   /       |
         .'.'  ``.  ::   \  .'.. `.                    \__/        '
        '        .: ::    ,'.'     .--------------------'
      .' ,'    .::::::   ,.'    .:::.
    .' .'  ..:'     ::: .,   .;'

Stories from the Bloodbath.

Pacing restlessly around the Cathedral, I grew weary of the sounds of the
echoes of my footsteps following me and went in search of new sport.

Wandering east of Darkhaven, I spotted a little used path branching off to
the southeast. Curiousity drew me in, and I followed the path,
meandering along it's almost overgrown track until it turned east.
Smiling to myself, I crept past two vicious guards and slipped into the
unwary town. It was almost too easy, for they all rushed about madly on
their own errands, heedless of my presence.

A chorus of young voices caught my attention and I felt my fangs grow in
response to the thought of the taste of their young, sweet blood.
Licking my lips, I crept into the schoolroom. Toys littered the floor
while drawings of gears and levers decorated the walls. Small children
sat at their desks deep in thought, while a bespectacled harriden held
them in thrall as she taught Physics.

Stepping forward, I caught her eyes with mine and gave her a reassuring
smile. I extended my hand to her, as if in invitation to dance.
Powerless to resist my will, she stepped forward, her small hand coming
up to rest in mine. Spinning her about to face her charges, I caressed
her cheek, pushing her head to the side and tucking a loose curl behind
er ear. Smiling cruelly, I delicately traced a razor-sharp fingernail
long the graceful curve of her neck to where her blood coursed closest
to the surface, pulsing in time with the beating of her heart.

Mouth quirking with amusement, I raised my eyes to those of the children
and drew my nail across her jugular vein, letting the blood spray in a
fountain. White shocked eyes stared at me from gore splattered faces as
the old womans feet beat a rapid staccato against my shins. Casting the
ying woman from me, I strode towards the whimpering children. Cupping
he boys rosy cheeks in my palms, I dashed their heads together,
littering the room with skull fragments and brains. Smiling at the
little girl, I perched myself on a desk, and cuddled her into my lap.
Pulling the braids away from her small neck, I began to feed.. her
young sweet blood tainted with the smoky taste of fear.

Thus was my experience in Shattered Refuge

Jibberish by Thulkinn Krogenstar (The Insane Mage)

Once upon some cottage cheese,
I ran into some giant fleas,
Fleas be nimble, fleas be quick,
Satan Rides a Pogo Stick!

Clouds are sad, and eggplants die.
Said a siamese midget fly.
Come with me, come and see,
We'll watch the sunrise from beneath the sea.
But for now I have to flee.
And flee he did, or did he Flea?
Asked the dragon when he spoke to me.

And Elvis said, with a swastika on his head,
My steed named Ed, is dead on the bed.
And under the hood of my Yugo there stood,
Pamela Lee, since she looked so good.
My ears went out for a walk yester-night,
They grew wings, and grew flight.
So I lent my ears, to a pixie's plight.
Which to all the world was Jibberish!

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 |___|  |______;____|_;____|_;___  | |    . |    ) |      |  \___|(_   (_`
--- funny - bones --------- |______| |______;______;____|_;______|__)____)

Funny Titles

[(Link Dead)] Glorv the DT'd liquered up warrior is standing here.
Zerbry, another nameless soldier looking for his destiny.
Kardain opens up a can of blank scrolls on ya!.
Golan Failed a Math Test! *flex* [GoW].
Sagashi. *note on back* Kick Me! |RR|IGKF|MaP|IT-T|.
Anakah wields the last thing you'll ever see....
Kuah Cha'Din, Inked and pierced in all the wrong places.
Tryder is depriving a village of an idiot  .
Lotem i am not ignoreing you. i am just too lazy to repl.
Tucansam StarProfit says 'Follow your nose!' is hovering here.
Jari Litmanen, killing in the name of Debbie Gibson.
Brezhan to know me is to...what was the question?.
Ajax: Phase 1: Underpants. Phase 3: Profit.
Nixen is Not a Crook. (Order of Inconnu)

Funny Titles Summited by YOU!

From Axius
    Avatar          Gene-sis... if I could only get my hands on one....

Tries at Limericks

The fool who saw Shimmergloom's teeth
Decided to make like a thief
So drunk on his gin
He attacked with a grin
He's now marked by the grave he's beneath

There once was a pixie named Lynn
Who really was terribly thin
and when she was made
to drink lemonade
she slipped threw the straw and fell in.

Orun the Smithy 
The smithy in town here named Orun
Has a life that's seldom borin'
He bends and he bashes
In flying hearth ashes
And adventurers keep bringing him more

Twenty-four hours each day
With no vacation pay
They come with narry a 'Thanks'
The newbies and the 'tanks'
So Orun has no time to play

Through magical portals they will come
And even they will astral walk, some
Or in off the street
Fly, float or on feet
Orun never has time to sip rum
by Greetmir Goodeguard

Clues clues and more clues wonder were they could be hiding
Possibly with an apology.

Socials that didn't quite make it

Vestia points her fingers at you and shouts, "OooOoo Player.
I'm telling on you!"

Vestia points her fingers at Player and shouts, "OooOoo Player.
I'm telling on you!"

You point her finger at Player and threaten to tell everyone
what they did
Vestia stomps around, ranting about telling someone something
about somebody. Don't make eye contact with her.

You are certain that you have something to tell about somebody.
If only you could remember what it is.
Vestia runs up to everyone in the room shouting, "I did it!
I did it! It was me I tell ya!!"

You run around trying to convince everyone of your guilt. Stupid!!

You pull out an ugly stick and zap Morihaus. Ewwwww. Maybe that was a bad

Shingo pulls out an ugly stick and zaps Morihaus! Mirrors everywhere

Shingo pulls out an ugly stick and zaps you! You look like a wart an an
ogre's behind.

You pull out an ugly stick and brandish it! In the name of Thoric, what
have you done?!

Shingo pulls out an ugly stick and brandishes it! You suddenly feel like
an ugly freak. Oh wait, Shingo looks like an ugly freak too.
You pull out an ugly stick and zap yourself. There seems to be no change.
Did you run out of charges, perhaps?

Shingo pulls out an ugly stick and zaps himself. There is no change. Seems
like Shingo can't get any uglier.

  ______ ______ ___ ___    ______  ______   ______ ______ ______
 |   () |    | |   |   |__|   _) \(_   (_  |    . |      |   _) \
 |___   ;______;___;______;______/__)____) |____|_;____|_;______/
 |______|  ______ ______ ______ ______ ______  ______
          |   () |   () |   _) \  \___|   () |(_   (
_________ |______|___|\_\______/______;___|\_\__)____) _____________

GoT News
The Guild of Thieves would like to say farewell, goodluck and best
wishes to Wilhelmina. She retired from GM this week, and we will miss
her dearly. Elisabet has stepped up to be the new Guild Master, and
Belmore is now the new Guild First. We are currently holding guild
nominations and elections for our new Guild Second.
Good luck to those currently questing for membership.

GoP News
The GoP welcomes Zyboria, Golga , Traxxis, Dresduvay, and Tynia

Hidden News
Only if you can brandish it!

Quest Central
Open Quests

Hidden Contest, there is a hidden contest within the paper
Follow the directions.  Mud mail a note in the following format:


If there are items in the answer please have all items in a bag
with a note with your name.  Multiple bags will be accepted
Entries must be in before Thursday June 10th.

Quest Results
Boggle Quest from Issue 8

Zephranix  65 points
Aleara     20 Points
Ashiana    20 Points

The number of words from all entries is averaged. Entries that fall below 
The average is dropped (Average number of words 46).  From the remaining 
entries points are awarded as followed:

Most words                               25 Points
Each Unique word (words no one else has) 20 Points
Quest Participation                       5 Points

Most words - Zephranix 72 words
Unique Words Zephranix (2 unique) Aleara (1 unique), ashiana (1 unique)

Akael Aleara Alexian Aoede Arendahl Ashiana Brane Ceirana Dendraxx 
Drake Elisabet Feyd Fobertron Grandak Janel Jermyn Jezabyliayzy
Kaiowas Leala Leaman Loralanza Mariyah Preia Qenaralin Raginzari
Ranthor Sanin Shingo Tasarok Thulkinn Tyran Xantryke Xysma Zanardi  
Zephranix Zwanth

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  |______)______|____|_|__)____)__)____)___;___|  |___;______;______/

No classified this week. Reminder to place a classified is free of charge!

Congratulations to Lord Jago and Lady Wavin of Rol na Feinne on their
exchanging of marital vows. May they find every happiness together.

Congratulations also to Lady Lashina of Rol na Feinne on her Betrothal to
Commander Kabath. Our best wishes go to them for a long and happy life

The CoD has a new public board for you to post suggestions and ideas for
the paper.  The board is located in our New Front Office which is located
e,s,u,u,s,w,s from dh[].

Applications for the CoD are now closed.

Letters to the Editor

Letters to the Editor

Dear CoD,
    This letter is in regards to the story in funny bones last week.
You gave no credit what so ever to the true author of this story.
All you did was change the names of the adventures in it.
You could of atleast mentioned that Monty Python wrote this skit and gave
them some credit.

                       Yours in stealth,
                         Solomen [TM-Captain] [GoT]

Thank you Solomen,
The CoD would is sorry for printing a quest entry that was not unique and
original.  I myself did have knowledge of the origin of the article before
it was published, I am sorry and take full responsibility for its printing.

Mystaric - Editor, CoD
Searching for answers?  The guilds and orders have a line.