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McBaker's fortune cookies; Treasure Chest: chocolate; Moonbeam wartalks




Mortal Staff:
Aylssa, Begaria, Conran, Dein, Lorel, Naithalia, Oknelim,
Saraphin, Shingo

Immortal Staff:
Cersei, Elisabet and Kyrnia

Editor and Chief:

Table of Contents

Desk of the Editor
A small look into what changes we have coming!

The 2nd Annual Realms of Despair Awards
It's back! Be sure to get your vote in!!!

Prophecy Place
Fortune Cookies...

Quest and Contest
Can you create a catch phrase for RoD?

Treasure Chest
Candy Bar!

RoD Genealogy
Tracking bloodlines

Funny Bones
Channel fun and Funny titles!

Thank You

Desk of the Editor By: Kuah

What's the good word? If you have not heard by now of the
changes coming to the CoD, I'll try my best to fill you in.
The biggest is the return to a monthly format along with a
cut down on free-style type articles and more of a focus on
the mud and you, its players (our readers!).

Also there will be staff and format changes these next few
issues as we move to the monthly format. With this, we hope
to become even more of a voice for the players of the mud
and provide better insight into the groups and people of
these realms. Some of the articles and sections will change,
others will be removed altogether.
If you have a comment, be it praise or critical ,
you can mud mail me (Kuah) or post it up on the ,`/`,
CoD public board located e,s,2up,s,w,s from ,`/`,
Darkhaven Square or south of Quills and Parchments , / ,
on Market Street. `/,'
Thanks .-Y-.
Kuah |'-'|

2nd Annual Realms of Despair Awards By: Shingo

The 2nd annual Realms of Despair Awards are coming up, and we
need your help to determine this year's winners. Last year,
we had a huge success with 20 different categories to vote on.
This year, we've added 4 more, with the exception of getting
rid of a few of the old ones for even better categories.
Take one blank note, and on it, write the following:

Note to: Shingo
Note subject: Voting Form - (Your Name Here)'s Picks
1. Whoever
2. Whatever
3. Et cetera

So on and so forth. Use up the 24 lines to vote once per
category. Each vote should fit on one line. Failure to submit
a proper voting form will have all votes nullified and not
counted for.

One vote per category, one form per player. Please do not
"stuff the ballot box" by using alternates. If we find out,
all votes from you and your alt(s) will be nullified and
perhaps further action will be taken.


Best Male Immortal
This category is to vote for the Male Immortal who worked the
hardest, has shown himself vis quite often to answer many
questions, and has generally had a positive influence on the
players and the development of the MUD.

Best Female Immortal
This category follows the same guideline as the Best Male

Best Male Mortal
This category is for the one Mortal who has given all he has and
more for the greater good of the MUD. We use "Mortal" because
this doesn't necessarily apply specifically to Avatars. Nominee
must have shown some characteristics that would make them worthy
of Immortal status.

Best Female Mortal
Once again, the Best Female guideline follows the same as the
Best Male.

Best Male Roleplayer
This category is for all the vagrants, vagabonds, knights and
kings out there who have shown themselves as worthy heroes or
villains, and best exemplify what it is to be a great

Best Female Roleplayer
The same as Best Male but for the witches, good or bad,
valkyries and queens.

Best Rename
This is for the best rename, be it funny, serious, or just
plain original. When casting your ballot for this category,
include the rename and to whom the rename belongs to.

Best Couple
Vote for who you believe is the best married couple of the
Realms. Casting for this category will depend on just how public
their private love life is...

Best Area
Vote for the area that you believe has the most challenge,
prime equipment, or just fun. This category is not limited to
just "Avatar" areas.

Best Quest Mobile
Which mobile had you running scared or charged up to do battle?
Vote for who you believe was the best Quest Mobile, and don't
forget to include which immortal ran the Quest.

Best Mobile
Different from the Quest mobile, which current mobile has you
wishing you had it's equipment? You can decide based on
Equipment, challenge or description.

Best (Worst?) Death Trap
Vote for the Death Trap that best describes your agonizing

Best Guild
While the winner will likely be decided by which Guild has the
most members, decision should be based on which Guild has run
the better quests, and a great reputation amongst players.

Best Order
This category follows the same guideline as Best Guild.

Best Clan
Once again, this follows the same guideline as Best Guild and
Best Order.

Best Weapon
Plenty of new weapons have been discovered since last year's
Awards. Is one better than the others overall?

Best Piece of Armour
Same guideline as Best Weapon, but this includes any and all
pieces of armour (wrist, head, waist, body, etc.)

Best Biography (Bio)
Is there a bio out there that is better than all the rest? It
can be funny, serious, lame or a poem written by someone who
doesn't exist in these Realms. Obviously, voting for this
category means you write the player's name to whom the bio
belongs to.

Oughtta Be Destroyed
This is the award for that special someone who gets on your
nerves in any and every way possible. No discrimination here,
all sexes are up for it. As a bonus, the winner of this award
will have it named after them!

Court Jester
This award goes to the person (male or female, mortal or
immortal) who makes you laugh the most.

Best Name
Who do you think has the coolest name? It can be funny, or
serious, or a statname. Any sex applies.

Best Food
Which food moistens your mouth the most?

Best Drink
After eating that Best Food, which drink makes you feel like
you had a full meal?

Best Social
This is the award for the social that best captures the essence
of human (and all other races) emulation in a single line of
text. There's plenty to choose from!

Please remember to follow the voting guidelines. (HELP CRY4)
And know that all votes will be kept confidential to the Staff
of the CoD, so feel comfortable voting and do not ask who voted
for what. Have fun!

Prophecy Place By: Naithalia

Fortune cookies--soothsayer sound bite and crunchy treat in one.
But are they accurate? Don't worry your pretty heads, dears,
Naithie will find out for you. I journeyed to the back shop of
McBaker's, which happens to be a delicious Chinese restaurant,
and ordered two dozen of the best cookies they had. Here, in
the order of which they were eaten, is the fortunes I had...

Take time to smell the daisies.
Hey, shouldn't you leave a larger tip?
Everybody needs somebody to love them.

One is the loneliest number you'll ever do.
Rat races are useless: at the end, you're still a rat.
Let's do the time warp!
Do you really want to hurt me?

Why not?
I can't believe all the good luck you will have.
Lay your burden down, girl.
Lone Ranger wasn't lone-he had Tonto. What's up with that?

Even billionaires have bad hair days.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Delivery is always free from your friends at this restaurant.

Ob la di, ob la da, life goes on, braaaaaaaaa!
Needs cannot be denied.

At this point, I became ill and could not stomach another one
of those stupid cookies. The fortunes seem to be completely
banal, and I discourage any of you from taking faith in them.

Quest and Contest By: Nitsuj, Lascivias

At around 8pm on the evening of the Day of the Sun, Ralton,
along with nearly twenty other citizens of the Realms, so did
kill the Realm's Auctioneer. Rumor has it, a large sum of money
was found on the auctioneer's corpse - money that rightly
belonged to the citizens of the realms the auctioneer had saved
for himself.

The Gods did scramble to replace the deceased auctioneer and
the citizens hope this one will be a kinder, less greedy soul.

The Realms Needs a Catch Phrase...
Dria has asked us to grab people and stop them for a moment to
have people ponder what Realms means to them.
The first part of this is to come up with a slogan to represent
The Realms of Despair. Think bulletin or catch-phrase, something
that would have public appeal and grab attention. You can submit
your slogan idea on the public CoD boards or mudmail your entry
to Kuah. Have fun!

Treasure Chest By: Saraphin and Aylssa

Greets from Treasure Chest everyone!
Seems we missed the last issue.. but we're back! If you do not
remember us in the first place, here's a brief summary of our
mission. Since we're such pack-rats, we've decided to unveil
our junk collections with each of you. Every week will feature
a different item as well as its whereabouts and how to find it.

This week will be our first official 'spotlighted' treasure,
and we're glad we can share it with you! As a first adventure,
Saraphin an Aylssa went on a search for the most delicious
chocolate in all of the realms, because who doesn't like

After searching far and wide, our quest brought us to:
The Knights of the Round. Here we stumbled upon a small,
burned down city known as Cadbury which happens to be home to
the famous Cadbury Chocolate Factory! Every different kind of
chocolate in every shape and form lined the walls of this small
shop. Julietta, the Cadbury Chocolate Lady, let us sample our
favorites and mmMMmm... delicious!

Her inventory includes:
- a very dark bar of chocolate
This bar of chocolate is so good that it casts cure critical two
times! It's both tasty and useful!
Level: 40
Cost: 156780 gold coins

- a bag of semi-sweet charcoal
Make sure you have detect invis casted or you wont be able to
see this bag. When you apply it on someone (apply bag <name>)
it will heal them two times!
Level: 0
Cost: 174200 gold coins

- a blackened-chip cookie
The burnt morsels of sugar are especially delicious!
Level: 0
Cost: 8710 gold coins

- a burned Cadbury chocolate bar
(which has quite the effect on people when eaten!)
Level: 0
Cost: 17420 gold coins
(note: keyword is cadbury)

Where to find the Cadbury Chocolate Factory...
Directions from DH []: 4s 1w 2n give 10000 coin receptionist,
unlock n, open n, n, e, n, ne, nw, 2ne, enter

Astral/Portal Point: Cadbury

*disclaimer* Please remember that we only do this article by
choice and are not responsible for mistakes made in following
our directions. Always be careful and always scan/scry before
you walk. Thank you.

Got any suggestions or ideas for us? You can mudmail them to us or
post them in front of the CoD office (2e, s, 2u, s, w, s of DH[])
Safe Adventuring! :)
Sara and Aylssa

RoD Genealogy By: Oknelim

Hello, I am a new add-on to the CoD. My main goal is to help
people out there like me seek out and learn more about their
own families.

Let me tell you my short story first...
Awhile back, my sister Zenda and I were "created" by the immortal
named Brittany Seccunda (Before she was a DethBlayde I believe)
in the area of Dragon's Pass where the Gryphons now nest at.

While still young, a man named Phideas Ambrosianus found us and
took us in, gave us shelter, food, and the training needed for
when we would need to rely on our own wits.

Although Phideas was a Cleric, he taught me the basics in casting
such as Continual Light, Create Fire, and Create Water. And Zenda
was not taught much of anything because she was not willing to
put herself through the mental torment of learning spells for
the sake of living.

Later in my life I learned the arts of the Mage, and my sister,
the ways of the Thief.

Now on with the point of this all. In my younger stage of life,
I was pretty much a loner and didn't even know of anyone from my
family other than my mother (Brittany), and my father (Phideas).

My job here is to be a Genealogist for these Realms and to help
the people like me find links back on their family tree to learn
where they came from, and to see how their own life may wind up

I am setting up a web page just for this stuff. A Genealogy page
just for RoD where viewers may submit last names for me to find
a history on, and for other viewers to help with info on these
last names as in ANYTHING they knew about them at all.

Realms of Despair

The most basic looking Genealogy site
on the web! That's right, it was made
by none other than

Oknelim Seccunda-DethBlayde-Ambrosianus

Go to
and see if your or your family is on the soon
to be largest RoD Genealogy site ever!
(Considering it is the ONLY one ever)

No flashy colors! No flashy pictures!
Just information about you, and your many
family members that you never knew you had!

Funny Bones By: CoD Staff

Gultar and the Reunion

Calin now follows you.
A Ford Ranger now follows you.
You group your followers.
A guardrail utters the words 'jasdio djao'
You fall into a deep sleep.
Calin falls into a deep sleep.
A Ford Ranger's lunge misses a guardrail.
A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
(A front tire blows apart and falls to the ground in scraps)
A Ford Ranger's swipe barely scratches a guardrail.
(A guardrail gets damaged)
A guardrail's scratch *ANNIHILATES* a Ford Ranger.
(A door panel gets damaged)
A Ford Ranger attempts to flee but cannot.
A Ford Ranger is bleeding freely.
A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.
(A rear tire gets damaged)
A Ford Ranger flees from combat losing 999,999,999 experience.

Tales from Traffic:

DekkatH openly traffics: merlin poop for sale
Begaria openly traffics: Merlin poop? I'm there!

Drahmel openly traffics: I'll trade you my Darrek poop for your
Merlin poop.

DekkatH openly traffics: To those who sent me a tell about my
Merlin poop... it was a joke... no feces exist...

Begaria openly traffics: But I was willing to trade you Shingo
for some!

Channel -Shout

Harakiem shouts 'Darrek is a KILLER! PROTECT THE INNOCENT!

Darrek shouts 'hrmph'
Lascivias shouts 'Darrek bleeds beer!'


Moonbeam wars 'GI Hoes! The great american Hookers!'
Moonbeam wars 'I've been listening to this channel too long'

Kali wars 'Step away from the wartalk dear'

Only in Darkhaven

A funky chicken quests 'I have qualifying money... All extra
will be added to the winner's prize on racenight'

Mudo quests 'DON MUDO PROCLAIMS: The funky chicken fight the
black monk at ceasers palace.. we can call it.. "the barnyard
beast, vs the monk of peace!"'

A Begaria Quickie
Navarius says 'Hey Begaria, ah, your not going to rub me out
for not giving you the TB, are ya?'
I smiled and I shook my head....of course, I applied my
subliminal message type things I do when I replied to Navarius.
I said 'Why, would I want to KILL you NAVARIUS when you didn't
sell me that TB? NOW, I just want to say something, to MAKE IT
QUICK, but it won't be long AND MESSY. Alright?'
Kahl, getting the hint right away, jumped out of the tree and
started to club Nav with the almighty HERNE WHACKER(TM)
(trademark of every damn person who gets annoyed by Herne)
Navarius cried like a little school girl to the bitter end.
Nav layed lifeless before my feet with stinky smells coming from
him. Of course, he will live again so I can annoy, er kill,
er....whatever....him again.

doh! A few years of MUDding and I can't even get out of a damn buffer.
HEEEEELPPP!!! Oh hey Nav, wass uGH! *dies*

Funny Titles

Nitsuj the CORONER, give me your body.
Mino: I'm just a f*%$#ing ray of sunshine, aren't I?
Syera: Do I look like a f*%$#ing people person?
Laine Bela Morte: What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Elisabet Atal - rocks were tougher back in my days.
Yargol-if yer as cool as dont need a witty title.
Claire wants a MenSpeak to English decoder ring.
Agragella Smella *emits an odoriferous stench*.
Skaphia Cha'Din est dominus latinus *flexus*.
Naithalia: Scary girl and bright yellow crayon!
Goomra the blood-red crayon!
Saraoreo has an uncreative title.
Kellandra hates waking up still drunk.
Orpheus is your Big Bad Voodoo Auggie.
Kali. S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
Ceirana is too busy mudding to watch any olympics.

Thank You By: CoD Staff

We hope you will like the changes to come as we push forward to
be all we can. And we hope you enjoyed the time you spent
reading the Cry of Despair.

As always, feedback is welcome.
You can mud mail me (Kuah) or post it up on the CoD public
board located e,s,2up,s,w,s from Darkhaven Square or south
of Quills and Parchments on Market Street.