----------------------------------------------------------------
Cry of Despair Issue 58, 04/02
----------------------------------------------------------------
|
.JNNNN` .JNNNNNL NNNNNN. | In this month's issue:
JNNNNN) JNNNNNNNNL (NNNNNNN. | * Juliana catches up with
JNN` JNN` NNN (NN. (NN)| some of your favourite
(NN` (NN` NNF (NN` (NN`| imms to find out their
(NN. (NN. JNN` NNF JNN) | thoughts on April Fools'.
(NNNNNN (NNNNNNNNN' (NNNNNNNF | * New Quest, and results
4NNNN` "NNNNNN` NNNNNNF | to last month's!
| * Myra and Ilsensine.. er..
The Cry of Despair! | help you with your woes.
=================== | * As always, your poems
* * * | funny bones, and more!
* |
* * |
----------------------------------------------------------------
Editor: Khaimran Immortal Sponsor: Elisabet
----------------------------------------------------------------
Staff: Juliana, Silverwind, Begaria, Ilsensine, Shingo, Myra
Vladith, Tinani, Kellandra
----------------------------------------------------------------
Contents CoD, Issue 58
----------------------------------------------------------------
Desk of the Editor
Imms + April Fools'
TS Annual Report
Realms of Despair 101: Run Etiquette
Myra and Ilsensine tackle your problems
The ever lovable Funny Bones!
Stories and poems.. just Words
Advertisements
----------------------------------------------------------------
Desk of the Editor - by Khaimran Editor
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hi,
And welcome to another edition of your only.. er.. favourite RoD
paper, the Cry of Despair. We've got a slightly smaller edition
this month, but hey, its quality not quantity right? We have our
usual installments of RoD 101, Dear Myra and Ilsensine, Quest
Central, and everything else, aswell as a special feature from
Juliana on April Fools' day. Might wanna be on your toes, looks
like the imms have plenty planned.
I hope everyone had a great Easter break and gorged themselves
on plenty of chocolate eggs, keeping alive the commercial spirit
of the festival. Just means more hours spent on RoD, working off
those calories with your fingers ;)
The Cry of Despair is hiring again, as of this month. Read
Help Cry65 for information on how to apply, and soon you too
could be writing for the CoD. I'm sure there are many of you out
there with lots to offer the paper.
Ok, I think that's enough ill-flowing babble from me, so I'll
let you get on with reading the 58th edition of the Cry of
Despair.
- Khaimran
----------------------------------------------------------------
April Fool's + Imms - by Juliana *FEATURE*
----------------------------------------------------------------
April Fool's. Day of pranks, tricks and lots of laughter. I'm
sure everyone can recall a funny incident in real life where you
bamboozled someone or fell for someone else's joke. How about on
the Realms of Despair?
To find out, our reporter Juliana hunted down as many imms as
she could find in a few days and asked them the following
questions.
1) What's the best April Fool's prank you've seen played on the
mud?
2) Or what would be your favorite trick to play on an
unsuspecting mud populace or your fellow imms?
Kali:
There was a small black pyramid made by an immortal long ago. If
it was dropped, it forced Blodkai to quit. If Blodkai tried to
relog, it forced him to quit. That may not sound too amusing,
but at the time progs were relatively new so it was terribly
ingenious. Plus, watching Blodkai react to something like that
is always amusing."
Juliana:
Grin :) What was his reaction?
Kali:
A lot of cursing and sputtering.
As for what prank I would pull, I can't tell you or it would
ruin the surprise.
Juliana:
Oh goody, we'll expect something this year then? :P
Kali:
Maybe not this year, but someday. See, it's hard to say 'What
would you do if you could..?', when you have the ability to do
it almost all. :)
Kinux:
Well, not that it would be ever done.. but I think you take 10
of the top av weapons, then rename them all to different types
of flowers.. Or for added bonus.. make them all hold items. :)
I'm sure there would be a few people.. unamused ;)
Thalasian:
Umm..best thing Ive seen was the April fool [mob] that emoted
giving an Oblivion and an Uncertainty..was really funny at
first since people really believed it..
Juliana:
Got a trick you'd like to play or just dreaming about? :P
Thalasian:
Thinking a fake pwipe.. that'd definitely rule.
Tiki:
Okay... the answer to the second one would be... 'I can't tell
you, or I wouldn't be able to pull one over on you!'
Juliana:
Egrin. I'm so expecting a -lot- of jokes this year, judging by
how many people tell me that. :P And the first?
Tiki:
There was a deadly teasing a lad one time with a 'trick' he had
of removing all of his equipment... but the lad couldn't see
the deadly removing anything. One minute the deadly had it on.
The next, he was naked. The lad kept watching and couldn't
figure out how he was doing it.
Juliana:
And how was he doing it? :)
Tiki:
The deadly explained to him the 'magic' behind it. He was
sneaking out of the room to remove and wear his equipment. ;)
<A bonus historical joke from an ex-imm...>
Phred:
Gorog once told all the imms that he was going to de-imm
everyone and the first 10 imms to logon on april 1st would be
imms and the rest would lose their immhood. Some people really
panicked."
Aeriel:
I think some of the funny restores would have to be my faves.
On RoD, there have been quite a few...it's always the ones
where all channels go silent afterwards, and then everyone goes
'uhhh, what was THAT?'. The more creative, the funnier they are
=) One of the funniest ones was when I've seen an echo of the
slay message during a restore.
Juliana:
Bet there was chatter after that. :) Got a favorite trick
you're dreaming of playing?
Aeriel:
At the moment no. Or I could just be saying that. *evilgrin*
Thorpe:
I'll answer the first...since revealing the latter might result
in people expecting what i have in store for them :) The best
realms joke I've ever played involved a realms wide echo where
everyone got an Oblivion transed to them by "accident".
Juliana:
Egrin, bet the chatter on the channels took a while to fade,
eh? :P Any more jokes come to mind? :)
Thorpe:
Not for April Fools, no.... And yes, the spam was quite
delicious ;)
And almost as if demonstrating that he hasn't lost his touch...
This occured several minutes after, as I was talking to Pheayre.
Darkfire blaster from Orkilian appears in your hands!
Orkilian tells you 'OMG...give that back? Please?'
Pheayre tells you 'peer?'
Pheayre tells you 'xpeer'
Thorpe has restored you.
Pheayre tells you '*roll*
You tell Pheayre 'That almost screams for publishing :P'
Pheayre tells you ':P Go ahead if you want.'
Pheayre tells you 'You can put that instead of my April Fools'
day quote.'
Pheayre tells you 'Since I can't think of a single April
Fools' day joke I remember on the mud.'
A couple minutes later...
All those that didn't receive their gift, please contact Thorpe.
(For some curious reason, Thorpe rapidly vanishes into
wizinvisibilty. Two minutes later...)
Thorpe tells you 'Sorry, too late...all gone :('
And that's all the jokes we could rustle up for you folks.
Juliana and the CoD would like to give a big thank you to all
the imms she pestered with questions until they remembered
something funny. :P
- Juliana Shadowfyre
----------------------------------------------------------------
TS Annual Report - by Myra TS
----------------------------------------------------------------
The Symposium has been hard at work for many years trying to
make RoD a better game for everyone. In the past year, more
than 117 ideas were discussed. On the following pages, you can
find a list of those ideas, as well as the action taken by the
Symposium.
Key:
P = Passed on to the Immortal community for review/
implementation.
D = Denied after review and discussion.
N = No action taken due to similar suggestion already in place.
H = On hold.
Summary:
Passed - 41% ----> Implemented - 13%
Declined - 54% Not Implemented - 27%
On Hold - 06% Unknown - 08%
No Action - 02% Pending - 42%
----------------------------------------------------------------
Idea TS Action
----------------------------------------------------------------
Give all coins to another character | P
Over head slash (skill) | D
Wimpy in Prompt | D
Recastable fly | D
Classes - Lycanthrope, Necromancer, Kender, Dark Paladins | H
Augerers Attacks Changed | D
Augurers Climb | P
Paladin Scry | P
Paladin farsight | D
Druid 'elementals' | H
Druid Farsight | D
Nephandi astral | H
Change Nephandi Pentagrams | D
Counter Attack skill | P
Celerity and awakening spells | H
Changes to Solar Flight | D
Changes to Mail system (command to check mail) | D
Underwear eq | P
Config no org | P
Change Gnoll Shaman | D
Bring back Lizardmen | D
Orb of recall (create recall spell) | D
Hometown recalls | H
Being drunk (new socials) | D
History of Organizations | N
Channel Level restrictions | P
Colour in Bio | D
Colour in Practice | D
Colour in Area list | D
Dual Shield (skill) | D
Avatar Help file | P
TS help file | P
Spells and Skills specialization | D
Deadly Tags on channels | D
Practice sessions traded for glory | D
Practice sessions traded for higher percent spells or skills| D
Transport given to all Newbie Council members | D
Double Passwords | D
More character length for passwords | P
More buffer space on notes | D
Note Edit | D
Note Vote Remove | D
More keys for Findnote | P
Subject line shown in inventory | P
Unable to Farsight/Astral/Portal to people on ignore | P
Room echo at level | P
Entangled Root spell | P
Alternate to Brewing potions (make pills) | D
Gold Mob | D
Changes to Score at level 1 to show stats | D
Change to sentinal pop | N
Config +/- IC/OOC | P
Jounral write | P
Note Copy | D
New line after prompt | P
Sacrifice All (everything in room) | D
Show multiplay in group | P
Style in Group | P
Paladin resist for neut/devout | D
Ignore modification (more slots) | D
Hints on practice | P
Ability to see how you voted on ballots | P
Note weight zero | D
Notes permanent | D
Show Command | D
Glory for Humming and Glowing | P
Group Experince | P
Note list Player | P
Config +/- rank | D
Realms Bank | D
Cleric Charm | D
Weapon type helpfile | P
Weapon type shown in ID | P
Attempt to flee message | P
Help killstealing, help staking | P
Double Heals sold in shops | D
Contents spill went container sac'd | D
Command Line for Saves in score | P
Glory for Houses | D
Glory to Remove Magic | D
Glory trade for renames | D
Healing fountain | D
Add area restrictions back on 'area list' | D
Show players idle time | D
Portal of Mists (spell) | D
Auto save on wear | D
Sayto/rtell blocks ignore | P
Ignore deadly | D
Ignore stops someone from following | P
Class bards | H
Change in align system from (A/S/N to D/E/N in group) | D
Afk while trancing/meditating | D
Add wear prog with glory | D
Colour key words in channels | D
Night Description | N
New Vampire feeding messages | D
Socials on channels | D
Whois modification for orders/guilds | D
Seal Portal | H
In organization tags | D
Air ships (free ride to areas) | D
Roster (name) command | P
Auction limit to one IP | D
Levelling pets | D
New info shown at level | P
Restore at level | P
Auto save on level | P
Prompt token for fly | P
Race/Class in helpfiles | P
Tysthia no astral | P
Change in character deletion times | P
Guildmistress for female leaders | P
Farsight message changes | P
Object short descript in auction | P
Changes to help quest | P
Allow for emotes without space | P
Not able to send tells to people on your ignore | P
Config -/+ follow | P
----------------------------------------------------------------
-= The Symposium =-
* Remove tongues from practice list. passed
* Promoting help files. passed
* Bloodstains changed from green to red. declined
* New town crier. declined
* Who Channel. declined
* Ventriloquate spell repair. passed
* Mage: detect hidden spell. passed
* Helpfiles (lvl 51+ commands). passed
* Language channels. on hold
* Adept colour. declined
* Loot warning. no action
-= Visionary Consortium=-
* Forced grouptalk on loot. denied
* Change to laws assist. denied
* Change to steal help file. passed
* Group experience gain. denied
* Friends who list. denied
* Socials - eek, arena, weak, afkcheck, panic. passed
* Obfuscate (Augurer stun spell). passed
* Advice on what to practice. CoE
* Multiplay warning in group. denied
* Lengthening of pword. denied
* Not being able to follow someone ignoring you. CoE
* Eqstatus. denied
- Myra Fyremusik
----------------------------------------------------------------
Realms of Despair 101 - by Juliana RoD 101
----------------------------------------------------------------
Run Etiquette.
Once upon an ancient time ago, when Juliana was maybe 200ish
years old, I was a newbietar cleric. And like all newbie devout
clerics, I held a Ruling Sceptre and wanted a Storm. (This was
in an age when Storms cost 60mil, mind you.)
Because I was a miser, I didn't want to buy one, I wanted to
run for one. And because I was an ignorant and naive newbie, I
would answer every call on public channels for a cleric to heal
at Zeus.
You can guess what happened, eh? I'd heal and quaff manas to
keep up my rate of healing. The run leader tanked without a
sweat. The hitters hit. When the first Storm popped, the run
leader claimed it "since he tanked," and barely two kills later,
he'd have an urgent emergency irl and call off the run.
If more than one Storm popped, the more vocal hitters got it
rather than the silent, hopeful-looking, unknown cleric in the
corner. Never did we manage to stay long enough that every
player received one, and guess who got shafted at every run? The
invisible healer. I never saw these people again, either. A
successful run is based on trust, you see.
Players gather together to kill a mob they can't kill alone. The
understanding being that everyone will receive an equal share of
the loot in the end. Pops are a problem, especially in a one-
shot run, since there usually isn't enough time to get one for
everyone. The run leader may not realize how long the logistics
of the run will take. Or maybe he doesn't even care.
Hence this sequence of articles in the months ahead, that will
deal with run logistics and advice for both run leaders and
their followers.
This month, we deal with the common denominator - the run
follower, the run member. The guy who joins an announced run,
trusting that the run leader will be fair. Yes, leaders have a
great many responsibilities, but as a member of a run, you have
obligations too.
Before that, some people may be wondering... "Just how do you
get to go on a run in the first place?" The anecdote I related
above is a classic example of why runs organized on avspam and
chat channels have a significantly lower chance of working out.
You might get cheated by an unscrupulous run leader, or he may
simply be inexperienced and get everyone killed.
The answer? Organizations. Not just guilds/orders, etc. Nations.
A collective group of friends. People you'll meet on a regular
basis. Everyone has more stake to cooperate then. There's a name
for this in the animal kingdom - recipocral altruism. Basically
it means, I scratch your back today, because it costs me little
and in return, you may scratch my back tomorrow when I need it.
It's way more difficult to cheat a friend than a stranger. For
one thing, he knows your name and where you live (figuratively
or otherwise). He can bring punitive action more easily because
he knows more about you. :P
If you're in a coded organization, expect that you won't be in
the organization in the near future once the leaders hear of it.
Not to mention, your reputation in that community just plunged
to rock bottom and is likely unredeemable. And surprise
surprise... the small community of RoD talks to each other, and
the worse names are known. Moral of the story: Cheating = bad
in the long term.
-= Before The Run =-
Prep Fast. Prep Beforehand.
If the run has been planned and announced on a noticeboard a few
days before, you have no excuse for not being prepared with
heals, manas, sancs, weapons, and whatever else is required. If
it's a spontaneous thing, then work fast. :) You're wasting time
that you could be spending on actually running.
What I like to do to save prep time is keep my favorite
characters in prime running condition. After every time I take
them out, I repair them, refill 200 heals into their containers,
and check that they have a good supply of sancs, springs and
other mageprotects. My mages have about 100 manas in their
portals (one weight manas from organizations), and every hitter
character carries both magic and nonmagic weapons on them.
Money-wise, they tote around 1-3 mil, not so much that I have
to worry about losing my fortune to thieves but enough for
quick purchases or repairs.
It keeps me from forgetting things in the haste of prepping with
someone waiting for you. It's easier to brew extra things when
you're not rushed. And it also keeps my characters quest ready.
Log and go. :)
-= During the Run =-
Listen to Your Run Leader. Watch Your Ego.
An informal run would be your friends and you messing about with
stuff and having a good time with no clear run leader. You're
not really worried about time taken or that the loot has to be
equal. You're close enough friends that you'll forgive each
other for almost anything.
For formal runs though, always listen to your run leader. Give
him proper respect, he's calling the shots for this run. Even if
you normally know more than him, for this series of battles,
he's the boss. If he's obviously wrong in some way, point it out
in a tactful manner that doesn't undermine his authority
Clamp down on ego. Try to be modest, it stops other people
thinking what an arrogant bastard you are, and wondering why
you're even running with them.
Let your run leader do the talking. Especially when dealing with
another run group. There is no point in your run leader trying
to come to an amiable understanding with the other leader, while
both team's members exchange insults and work themselves into a
frenzy.
Reduce spam, especially if running with people you don't know
well. Some people don't like their screen scrolling with
informal chatter. It makes you look newbie-ish or
unprofessional. If you're on a run with close friends and know
they prefer talking and joking, then go ahead.
Give it Your Best
As a run member, the obligation is to be as effective as you can
be. This is a cooperative effort, and if someone slacks off, the
whole team suffers. No free-riding or social loafing. If you're
supposed to hit, hit as often as you can. If you need to heal,
heal and quaff up mana when you run out. If you need to tank,
don't just rely on cleric healing, but have heals to spare, just
in case of accidents.
In the same way, if you're already giving it your all, don't
feel too bad if you don't seem up to the same standard as other
members of your run group. They might just have more practice,
buffer eq, or even a better client or faster ping. After the
run, you could always seek to improve yourself by more practice
and working on acquiring all of the above, of course. :)
Be a generous contributing member. If you're just hitting or
healing, and someone is doing all the tanking, offer to help
share the cost of his heals or repairs. If you want an equal
share of the loot, it's only fair to bear an equal cost of the
run.
Make sure you're following a run leader you trust. If he's
unscrupulous, he might just be using you to get equipment for
himself. (He tanks, the first pop he takes "cos he tanked" and
then says he has to go. Sound familiar?) People from guilds/
orders are usually established runners within their community,
and not likely to ruin their reputation by being cheap, unfair
or acting stupid. If they do, well, simple solution, never run
with them again. If you get ripped once, you don't go back to
get ripped off again.
Be There.
As in mentally, all there. Going AFK between repops to do this
and that, especially for long runs, is done quite often - but
always keep a watch on your time and check back frequently.
Nothing is more aggravating to a run team than a single member
they need not responding to anything, whether marked afk or not.
Especially right after it repops and if time is crucial. Don't
keep people waiting while you tend your rl stuff, they too have
stuff in rl they're ignoring while running and having to pause
on your behalf.
It thus goes without saying that it's polite to let people know
that you'll be going and for approximately how long. "Drink, 2
mins." Or "running down to 7/11, 20 mins." So that they at least
can plan for your absence and don't spend their time beeping an
immobile you, wondering if your modem just got struck by
lightning or if you had an epileptic fit on your keyboard.
Ask questions if you don't understand. Run leaders have a
million and one things to take care of and remember. They might
have assumed you're familiar with the run, or know what "scry
out" means. It's your responsibility to make sure you're as well
prepared for the mkill as you can be.
In the same way, if a run leader has kept something secret from
you, such as how to get to the mob, you could try asking - but
if he doesn't want to tell you, _respect_ that and don't pester.
He's at least trusted you enough to take you to the mob. Perhaps
he's under obligations himself not to share the information he
has.
Another thing that I thought all run groups ought to be aware
of. Though I joked earlier, modem and connection problems have
been known to occur, and quite naturally, the poor guy involved
tends to die horribly in battle. Most of this will resolve
itself before his corpse decays, but it's nice to keep an eye on
the time. If the corpse has gone into last stages of decay and
the player is still linkdead, see if you can ask an imm to
bodybag it so the unfortunate soul doesn't lose his corpse.
Nothing's more stressful than watching a dead modem and
wondering as to the fate of your equipment. Who knows, someone
might recipocrate for you someday.
Don't spam the imms if it's -not- an emergency though! If you
make use of them for unnecessary crs and things that can
patently be achieved by mortal effort, expect a proportionate
amount of your equipment eaten.
-= After The Run =-
Thank the run leader. Thank your runmates. Thank everyone
involved. It doesn't cost anything and shows your appreciation.
The run wouldn't have taken place without them. You wouldn't
have gotten your nifty eq. It gives everyone warm fuzzy
feelings, and that makes it more likely that future runs will
happen.
Now if the run stank, and you feel cheated and pissed off, you
don't have to suck up to the run leader but there's no use
cussing him out either. You can still maintain your own dignity
and honor. A simple "Thank you" will do - at least you now know
that this guy is not trustworthy to run with. Make a note never
to run with the guy again, so you don't encourage his behavior.
If You've Borrowed Anything, Give It Back
It goes without saying, really, but in the euphoria or
exhaustion of finishing a run, people do forget stuff. If
someone's loaned you equipment for the run, give it back before
you vanish from the mud.
If you're not a close friend of that someone, you might just
find yourself accused of equipment theft when you next log back
on. Usually if someone trusts you enough to loan eq, they'll
trust you enough to give it back, but there's no need to push
your luck. They might need their eq for other things while your
character is happily offline.
It's also civil to repair the equipment before you return it.
Give it back in the same or better condition than when it was
loaned. The guy did you a favor, giving him a repair bill is
just not good manners. Worse, if the item was severely damaged
and it scraps in the next hit, chances are, no one is going to
be pleased.
Same goes for heals or manas or even mageprotect potions. All
these things -cost- money. It's your responsibility to remember
how much of everything you've borrowed and then give it back
after the run. Do it without prompting. If you can't afford it
right at that point, let whoever you've borrowed from know, and
then make sure you spend the rest of your time on the mud
working to repay it.
If you're working with a group, who has a shared collection of
mageprotect potions, it may not be necessary to return those,
since it's from the group fund anyhow. Some richer folks might
not mind if you scarf a hundred heals or so and not return it.
Or twenty manas or whatever. Still, never -assume-. Always offer
to pay it back. If the guy says it's all right, then ok, thank
him gratefully. If the guy seems to want the stuff back, give it
back to him. :P
On Run Secrets
This is a very nebulous issue, and really changes from run to
run. Most runs are pretty open, you run stuff, you learn the
tactics for how to kill the mob, you can go kill the mob
whenever and with whoever you wish. The strategies for killing
the mob are understood to be open knowledge and in the public
domain, so to speak.
On some big runs, because it takes so much effort to discover
how to get to and kill the mob, people have chosen to keep the
knowledge secret so as to keep the price and demand for eq up,
as well as to prevent massive spamming of the mob. (Massive
spamming is never good, it sends eq prices plunging and
increases likelihood the mob will be made harder to kill.)
The debate on keeping run secrets is pretty much like the
argument about abortion. The two sides will never really agree,
both are right and wrong at the same time. It all depends on
perspective.
A simple rule of thumb is: If you learn how to get to and kill a
big mob from a group of people who already know how, keep your
mouth shut. Especially if they tell you specifically to. Respect
their wishes. They did the work of learning about the mob, after
all. It's not your knowledge to disseminate. It's just not
honest to steal.
If you yourself discover the secrets on your own without help
from people who already know how, then do whatever you want with
it. You might just realize that after all the effort you've bled
into discovering stuff, that you don't want other people to
lazily mooch off you. :)
- Juliana Shadofyre
Join me next month as we discuss the ins and outs of how to lead
a good run!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Myra and Ilsensine - by Myra + Ilsensine M+I
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Myra and Ilsensine,
I'm a prank loving little pixie, would would just love for it to
be April Fool's all year round! But alas, it only comes once
per year, and I must use all of my pixie energy (and tons of
sugary pixie sticks!) to play as many pranks as possible on
that one special day. Do you have any suggestions for me?
Frolicks and sugar buzzes,
Prankxie
Dear Prankxie
The joke's on you, little bug. All pixies are the same,
greedy, sugar fiending pests that want things their way all the
time. Well tough cookies! It's high time that you learn that
the Realms does not revolve you and your trickster ways. Grow
up and get a life!
- Myra
Dear Prankxie,
Using my cliche soothing voice and time honoured motherly
wisdom, I can offer you some aid! God, I'm so nice. Umm...
anyways, back to you. What you need to begin doing, is
channeling that pixie frolicking energy away from the desire to
play tricks and confound others, towards more productive paths
such as helping others with less get up and go than you.
Remember, the road to being as goodly as yours truly is long and
pitted with rocks... but nothing compares to the big mug of
smug waiting for you at the end!!!
- Ilsensine
Dear Myra & Ilsensine
There's this girl in our order that keeps claiming every other
girl in the order. I just want to claim one, but she only
leaves the guys and I dont want them. What can I do?!
Lonely and lovelorn.
Dear lonely and lovelorn,
You can always find another order. If she's claiming all the
women for herself, then I think you're in the wrong place. And
from the sounds of it, you won't be missed. Take a hint and
hit the road.
- Myra
Dear lonely and lovelorn,
First of all, let me say that you sound like such a precious
little munchkin. I think you'd go real cute alongside the other
waifs and strays that live in my 5 star Ilsensine's Bleeding-
Heart Charity Mansion for the Underprivaleged! (limited places
still available!) Oh damn, I am just *soooo* giving! *pose*
As for the problem... well I think you need to analyse the root
of the problem. Why do you fare so badly with girls? Too shy?
Too forward? Too stinky? Or does the truth lie in you not
liking girls at all? You need to ask yourself these things.
Look for the root and work from there.
- Ilsensine
Dear Myra and Ilsensine
I am a male sea-elf and I like a female dwarf. I know she likes
me too, but she also liked a dwarven male. Now I am afraid she
will choose for the dwarf, instead of me. Please give advice.
Newbie
Dear Newbie
Let's face it sea-elves belong in the sea and dwarves belong in
the mountains. Why should she pick you? You have gills, she is
hairy. Take the hint and find yourself a nice little mermaid to
play with.
- Myra
Dear Newbie,
Your letter brings up a poignant and important point in today's
society (also it's a wonderful vote winner for me ahead of the
impending all-Realms Niceness Awards!). The barriers between
races must fall, you shouldn't worry if you have gills or if
she's got a beard. True love will flourish if it is truly meant
to be. All that you can do is ride the wheel of fate the best
you know how.
- Ilsensine
Do you have any problems? An inner child screaming to get out?
Need advice on which sanitary products to choose, to achieve
the desired effect on the opposite, or indeed same, sex?
Want to know the meaning of life? Well, tough luck, but you
can have a laugh by writing into Myra and Ilsensine anyway.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Famous Last Words... - by Juliana Funny Bones
----------------------------------------------------------------
-= Famous Last Words... =-
"Sanc is for wussies!"
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"Oops."
"If I scry a room and it tells me ONLY DEATH AWAITS YOU HERE,
ADVENTURER. is that a death trap?"
"Dammit, this thing won't die!"
"Wait!"
"blinded :("
"Magic weapons? Damn, I knew I forgot something..."
"How many times do I have to tell you: there's no dts here!"
-= ...+ Revelations at Sonoria =-
"Ok, so who didn't log their alts off?"
"Um, sorry, I spam circled in the clerics' windows and tried to
heal in the thieves' windows."
"All right, who dropped the spring scroll on the ground?"
"Who put the crystal of healing in my heal container!?"
"Fly? Oh, you mean I was supposed to have fly on?"
"Seth? I thought you said Set!"
"I promise I won't cast major invocation right before holy
sanc next time."
<after some minutes of screen scrolling, link-death and
reconnecting>
"...So -that's- why you cast elemental shields when you have
20+ avs fighting"
"Oh, you meant the mob's aggy, not me fight in aggy..."
"You mean *I* was supposed to be tanking?!"
Pfiles!
Dria says 'Is that a pfile in your pocket or are you just
happy to see me?
Ceirana wonders what all this pfile nonsense is about...
Thalasian Nightblade: Mind out of gutter, hands off my pfile.
Shargate has a big... pfile.
Tical Umbramnia has to wrap his pfile around his leg.
Pheayre says 'All your pfiles are belong to us!
Aphrael thinks Raz's pfile is the best!
Aeriel knows you just want to get in her pfile, get away!
Blodkai... all I know is my pfile won't fit in my underwear.
Adonia: There once was a Martian from Venus, whose body was
shaped like a ... pfile?
Hoerkin shouts 'Yeah baby, you know you want some of this pfile
Conran Treves: I'd kill for the nobel peace prize.
Ienna: Looking for love in all the wrong Brothels [BOT]
Kerrazze. Run away the old people are coming!:. .
Korrazze. o o|) < o o .
Kirrazze. |#->-|====- |/=| |/-+--- / .
Kyrrazze. (*)> (*)> (*)> /> .
Kurrazze TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Karrazze..
----------------------------------------------------------------
Story - submissions Words
----------------------------------------------------------------
She Who Brings Hell, Brings Heaven.
The sparks from the coals leapt high into the air, like
miniature fireworks, yet too close for comfort, and too hot. I
watched restlessly, fearing to move. Sweat erupted on my skin,
rolling down my arms. It turned the depths of my stomach.
Garsnagg stopped chewing and spat the masticated root into the
bowl of spring water. Trickles of white dribbled down the scales
of his chin, and his eyes gleamed with a fanatic faraway look.
"Drink."
The lizard hissed, tipping the crystal bowl towards me with one
claw. The white liquid swirled lazily within the transparent
bowl, lining the bottom with a milky patina. I hesitated.
"Drink." Garsnagg lowered his head, his dark orbed eyes hooded
in challenge. "You asssked for the knowledge of the datura. You
brought sssacred eggsss. So we allow you to drink." The
creature dipped its claws, swirling the contents deliberately,
breaking up the root pulp into hairlike fibers. His last words
were more threat than persuasion. I stared at the ghostly
liquid, twitching with cold fear, the suffused heat of the cave
forcing another bout of sweat from my skin. If I survived, it
would be interesting to see what the Archmagus thought of this.
If. My lips thinned consciously.
My hands cupped the cold sides of the crystal bowl, every nerve
end trembling.
I drank deep. The sigh of a maiden in lily white by the side of
an expansive cerulean sea blazed into my mind, the sunlight
glowing on wide crescents of sand.
Another sip ...
The next...
The bowl fell from my grip, the roots sloshing down my thigh,
its delicate strands encasing my skin. The maiden turned, her
smile seductive, her hands outstretched to draw me into the
waters with her, her fragile fingers gripping my own and her
hold oddly strong. Her ivory hair swirled like the winds, and as
we dipped below the churning waters, they spun around me, like
the unravelled threads of a winter tapestry.
We coursed through a primordial sea, waters so ancient they
drummed against the very beat of my own heart. And it ceased to
beat, my heart, for now it pulses with the incessant throb of
the dark bizarre creatures slicing through the waves with us.
It hummed with the beat of her heart, if she had a heart, this
strange efreet of foam and clouds, a mermaid born of diablerie
and dreams. I drew the primeval waters into my gills, relishing
in their unsullied state, in their purity, hungering for this
chaste innocence long gone in the oceans I was born in.
She did not let me indulge long, and we broke out of the waters.
Sunlight illumined her face, her slanting bones and abnormal
features, formed perhaps when the god who created her lost sight
of what was perfect and created a misshapen imitation of it.
The efreet wailed, her tresses webbing even tighter around my
body.
Then the light was gone, and darkness shrouded her face. An
alien moon and brilliant stars took flight into the night sky,
forging her hair into frozen silver. She dived into the ancient
sea again, howling, the dark creatures fleeing from her. Deeper
and deeper we went, down through chasms and ravines, her silvery
hair roping itself around my body, tighter and tighter.
The milky essence that formed her visage burned through my
veins. My eyes, frozen to their sockets, could barely make out
the looming form of Garsnagg as he bent over me, jaws moving in
a chant. Chained, I could not move, nor struggle. The lizardman
lifted a large dagger, and he spoke, a harsh cry above the
churn of the imagined waves.
"Thiss iss your wisssh...You wanted the ritual..." The dagger
fell and screams rippled through my ears. Her scream.
My wish, she screeched, as our hearts beat in unison now. My
wish that I be her, and she be me, the maiden wailed . And
together we spun in a mad vortex down into Time's very womb.
Garsnagg laid the dagger down. Blood welled up, like melted
emeralds, trickling down dark skin and staining the torn white
shirt on the sea elf's body. But he seemed oblivious to the
wound and his eyes stared flatly at the cavern's ceiling.
Garsnagg motioned to the smaller lizardman huddling in the
corner.
'When he ressistss the enticement of the root, we heal him. It
iss not hard to overcome. ' The older one signed guardedly, but
his motions held doubt. And the acolyte saw and returned the
gestures, orbed eyes twitching in fear. 'He will not. See, he
ssingsss with her... He singss...'
Garsnagg discreetly gazed at the motionless sea elf, a mask of
disappointment cresting the scaled ridges above his eyes. He
had been young when he first drank of datura, and she brought
him to dance amongst the ancient mud that birthed the first
lizardmen. The puckered face of another shaman, his teacher,
manifested before him, mouthing the very words that now dropped
from his own jaws.
'Then he failsss....'
- Falennt Sarien-Ladisvale
Towel Boy Lament
Oh how I love to fondly gaze
At frolicing, bathing Elven babes
With gleam in eye and towels dry
You'd think perhaps I got it made
Athletic, tall, and dainty sorts
Engage in playful watery sports
In crystal waves their jiggling ways
Cause me to adjust my shorts
Waiting patiently by the shore
My open arms and eyes implore
Wanting some but getting none
It looks as if I'll never score
So, gentle maidens I beg of thee
Tarry not and hear my plea
When next you bathe in yonder glade
Come and get your towels from me
- Gryllomat, Towel Boy)
Unrequited Abandonment
by Morgianya
Cosmic revelations filtering through the midnight skies,
Piercing the seemingly calm and mystical atmosphere;
Floating aimlessly through the serene winds,
Landing softly upon the grounds reaching high above.
Misty mountaintops that crumble with the touch of a hand,
Sounds of crackling visions scanning the open horizons;
Gently gazing upon the pristine and thin cloud formations,
Layering a feeling of care and love amongst the dead.
The faint odor of battles won and lost,
Creeping upon the angelic substratum with deadly intentions;
Oozing out from the supple soils in an obscure cloak,
Smothering the crystalline sands of days past.
A gentle caress which breeds faith and hope,
Quickly turns away with a distinct sense of unwanted forfeit;
Leaving an unsurreal feeling of hate and abhorrence,
Lingering upon those who continue their journey beyond.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thorpe's Hatemail - by Thorpe GreyBorne Ad
----------------------------------------------------------------
***************************************************************
********* FEELING A LITTLE ANGRY AT SOMEONE? *********
********* *********
********* ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND NOT SURE WHAT TO DO? *********
********* *********
********* THEN IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO VENT! *********
********* *********
********* AND *********
********* *********
********* THORPE'S HATE-MAIL *********
********* *********
********* IS HERE TO HELP YOU DO IT! *********
***************************************************************
Mudders,
Send your hate-mudmail to Thorpe at any time/place, not all
letters will be published in the Cry of Despair, but ALL will be
read and appreciated!
Take care to omit the names of the "hated" parties, but feel free
to describe them to your fullest extent. NOTICE: Any and all
notes become property of the Cry of Despair and it's guest writer
Thorpe GreyBorne, so if you aren't sure about making your views
public....don't send in your hate-mail!
*****
Do you know someone who is too nice? Are they sweet, considerate
and generally unbearable? If one or more people are percolating
in to your head... read on.
Once upon a time, purveyors of such beastly loveliness would
have gone without punishment. No longer!
Starting next month, we'll have the wonder will be...
The Ilsensine's Sickening Goodness Awards!
Huzzah! All that you need to do is mudmail yours truly, giving
the name of the player you wish to receive the Sickening
Goodness Award, as well as a few good reasons why they should
win such an esteemed proclamation of doom.
Each month I will choose the most deserving candidate...
Ask yourself... who *really* deserves an award worse than death?
Look out for the first ever Sicko next month!
....IT COULD BE YOU!
- Ilsensine
The Cry of Despair is now hiring staff!
Can you do ascii art like nobody else? Do you want to share
your views on various aspects of the Realms with everyone else?
Like to be able to conduct polls, competitions, quests, and
interviews in a way that the whole of RoD can see the
results?
Then the Cry of Despair is the place for you!
We're taking applications for a limited time
only. Any applications or questions should be
mudmailed to Khaimran. A notice will be posted
upon the Archives when applications close...
Any applications should include information as to what
you imagine yourself doing if/when you become a member
of the staff of the Cry of Despair.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down