{"id":1807,"date":"2024-03-15T17:45:59","date_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:45:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=1807"},"modified":"2024-03-15T17:46:00","modified_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:46:00","slug":"cry-of-despair-47","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/cry-of-despair-47\/","title":{"rendered":"Cry of Despair #47"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

April Fools; Not Aeriel! Best of Funny Bones<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n.................................................................\n      ___                 __   ____                   _\n     \/ __|_ _ _  _   ___ \/ _| |  _ \\ ___ ____ __ __ _(_)_ _\n    | (__| '_| || | \/ _ \\  _| | |_) | -_)_-< '_ \\ _` | | '_|\n     \\___|_|  \\_, | \\___\/_|   |____\/\\___|__\/ .__\/__,_|_|_|\n              |__\/                         |_|\n    A P R I L   F O O L S   A N N I V E R S A R Y   I S S U E\n.................................................................\n#47 . April 2001\n.................................................................\n mortal staff:\n alendil, aylssa, begaria, conran, dein, goomra, ilsensine,\n jaryl, lorel, naithalia, oknelim, saraphin, sarig, shingo\n immortal staff:\n elisabet(sponsor) tical(finance)\n editor:\n kuah\n.................................................................\n                      table of contents\n.................................................................\n\nDESK OF THE EDITOR\napril fools\n\nMEET AERIEL\nget to know the only non-fool in these pages\n\nFUNNY BONES\ntwo years of mud fun\n\nWE WANT YOU!\npositions are open\n\nQuest & Contest\nA holiday contest! and a Moonbeam announcement!\n\nIn Closing\nthank yous & submission information\n\n.................................................................\n                       desk of the editor\n.................................................................\n\n april fools\n\n Two years. Seems like yesterday Mystaric started this whole\n grand idea with a room full of volunteers. But here we are!\n This issue will not follow the format of most, the staff and I\n took a break this past month, and we are going to go with mostly\n a 'best of' all funny bones issue! (And thus the sell out title\n of 'April Fools Anv Issue'...)\n We also welcome Jaryl to the staff with a small feature. That\n being his interview with the Immortal, Aeriel.\n So check out the interview and the best of (or worst of?) the\n last two years of CoD humor! And I think Moonbeam makes a big\n announcement... curator or something... Thanks, and enjoy.\n Kuah\n\n feedback? comments? fan\/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at\n the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven\n square or south of quills and parchments on market street.\n\n.................................................................\n                         MEET AERIEL\n.................................................................\nwritten by:Jaryl\n\n I managed to catch up with Aeriel for a few minutes recently to\n to interview her for you, our faithful readers' enjoyment.  So,\n without further ado, I give you...\n Aeriel's Interview!!!\n\n Aeriel suddenly appears in a bright flash of blue lightning!\n\n Aeriel: Well, let's do it! *grin*\n\n Jaryl: You've been an imm for a while now Aeriel, do you\n like the change?\n\n Aeriel: Yes, I really do. It's a difference, that's for\n sure. You have a lot more spam, many more channels... have to\n keep them on. It's a good thing I can speed-read!\n\n Jaryl: What one thing makes being an immortal most\n worthwhile?\n\n Aeriel: Well, hmmmmm. I love it here, I enjoy working with\n everyone, the administration here is a WONDERFUL group. They're\n very helpful. If there is something I need help with, it's there.\n\n Jaryl: Now that you've become an imm, do you still find time\n to keep up with your mortal friends?\n\n Aeriel: Usually yes. Right now, I'm really time-restricted.\n My r\/l wedding day was moved to three weeks away instead of\n August. But, when I have more than 30 minutes online, I do try\n and keep up. =)\n\n Jaryl: How is being an imm different from your position on\n the Newbie Council?\n\n Aeriel: Hmmmmm. Well, you don't have to walk to people!\n Seriously, though, you still help players, however, as an\n immortal, you can do things that a mortal can't, like grabbing\n corpses, etc. As a NC mortal, you try and cr them by bringing\n them to their corpses, etc.\n\n Jaryl: What do you miss most about guild life?\n\n Aeriel: Everybody, all my friends. I don't get to see you\n all that much. =(\n\n Jaryl: I'm sure you get a lot of wierd questions and\n requests as an immortal. What is the wierdest thing a mortal\n ever asked you?\n\n Aeriel: Well, someone asked me to cyber him one day. He\n also asked every other female immortal online.\n\n Aeriel rolls on the floor laughing hysterically\n\n Jaryl: What happened to him?\n\n Aeriel: He ended up, well, quiet. I think it was Tiki that\n got the classic one, though. You'll have to ask her about it, but\n it was something along those lines. You'll laugh, I did.\n\n Jaryl: Do you still find time to play your mortals, or are\n you too busy?\n\n Aeriel: I log my alt on on occasion, but as to playing her,\n I think my max time has been about 30 minutes.\n\n Jaryl: Do you have anything you want to say to our readers?\n\n Aeriel: As an imm, you really learn that the world takes all\n kinds to make it up, that's for sure. It's a great thing.\n\n Jaryl: Thanks, Aeriel. I'm glad you could find the time to do\n this. =)\n\n Aeriel: Anytime, hon. =)\n\n.................................................................\n                         FUNNY BONES\n.................................................................\n Avatar Quickies...\n\n Fobertron: devote darrek -- No such deity holds weight in this\n world -- Ha, shows what the game knows\n...\n\n Merton: You recite a magical tablet...50 dr 50 hr 5 dex 1000 hp\n Anti-Merton  *sniff*\n...\n\n Sarig: I rubbed my little soldier on you, *wink*\n Sarig: it was my little merman soldier :(\n\n Shingo: Call it what you will, Sarig. And that's guts admitting\n it's little ;)\n\n Phacia: Object 'Cersei's rubber ducky of DOOM!' is a weapon,\n with wear location: wield\n\n Phacia: Special properties: glow hum anti-neutral anti-evil\n anti-mortal Its weight is 2, value is 5,43*10^6, and level is 2.\n\n Phacia: Affects cuteness by 600.\n\n Tical: Only 600?\n\n Phacia: she also has other EQ 8)\n\n Trinda: my cat's breath smells like cat food - hola all\n\n Booke: why isn't that a surprise? - hi Trinda\n Sampras: hrm... my breath smells like cat food :(\n\n Trinda: mmMMmm cat food is oh so yummy\n\n Turlok: whats a cats breath supposed to smell like other than cat\n food...dog food???\n\n Sampras: if your like me... sometimes booze\n Sampras: cat acting up? put some johnny walker in the water bowl :)\n he will prr like a kitten :)\n\n\n Traffic Fun\n\n DekkatH openly traffics: merlin poop for sale\n\n Begaria openly traffics: Merlin poop? I'm there!\n\n Drahmel openly traffics: I'll trade you my Darrek poop for your\n Merlin poop.\n\n DekkatH openly traffics: To those who sent me a tell about my\n Merlin poop... it was a joke... no feces exist...\n\n Begaria openly traffics: But I was willing to trade you Shingo\n for some!\n\n Amerlea openly traffics: c'mon no one wants an action figure to\n call their very own? you can hug it and pet it and love it until\n it dies..\n\n Lorkon openly traffics:  it dies?\n\n Amerlea openly traffics:  my action figure will spank you til\n the cows come home\n\n Amerlea openly traffics:  *wink* it ain't called action for\n nothin!\n\n Vanzank openly traffics:  ok I'm convinced! Lemme get rid of my\n man first then I'll buy your figure!\n\n Taonmakan openly traffics: Yay, sold evil scales!\n\n Taonmakan openly traffics: Now I can put my children through\n DH Academy *sniff*beam*\n...\n\n Fennpoxah openly traffics: sexy old Obsidian boots for trade,\n Impress the ladies....impress your friends...make them drool\n before you...\n\n Sian openly traffics: buy my female av chars, why impress the\n ladies when you can own em!\n\n\n Random Noise\n\n Moonbeam wars 'GI Hoes! The great american Hookers!'\n\n Moonbeam wars 'I've been listening to this channel too long'\n\n Kali wars 'Step away from the wartalk dear'\n...\n\n Someone tells you 'Darrek says 'Honey, if I had my way. I'd drop\n a phone book on pixie hometown. Kill hundreds of thousands.'\n\n...\n Navarius tells you 'whatcha doin? :)\n You tell Navarius 'mapping a certain maze'\n Navarius tells you 'ah, that dern one in daycare, it's a buggar :)'\n\n\n Best Description of Reunion 2k...\n\n Calin now follows you.\n A Ford Ranger now follows you.\n You group your followers.\n A guardrail utters the words 'jasdio djao'\n You fall into a deep sleep.\n Calin falls into a deep sleep.\n A Ford Ranger's lunge misses a guardrail.\n A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.\n (A front tire blows apart and falls to the ground in scraps)\n A Ford Ranger's swipe barely scratches a guardrail.\n (A guardrail gets damaged)\n A guardrail's scratch *ANNIHILATES* a Ford Ranger.\n (A door panel gets damaged)\n A Ford Ranger attempts to flee but cannot.\n A Ford Ranger is bleeding freely.\n A guardrail's bash *SMITES* a Ford Ranger.\n (A rear tire gets damaged)\n A Ford Ranger flees from combat losing 999,999,999 experience.\n\n\n Even More Noise...\n\n Darkur newbiechats 'Why, when I was level 1, we didn't have a\n pre-auth area. We fought our way as amoeba out of the primordial\n ooze and if we couldn't make it on land, we died.'\n...\n\n Dreskin racetalks 'how long does weaken last?\n\n Pryce racetalks 'Two days. Then Monday comes.'\n...\n\n Aerial's car yells 'Help!  I am being attacked by Rosario!'\n\n Angelus yells 'a car....yelling....whats a car?'\n Someone yells 'I wanna thwap my car!'\n\n Rosario yells 'The things I manage to find. =)'\n\n Thadius yells 'A hot, buttered, freshly shaven yak yells 'Help!\n I am being attacked by Rosario!''\n\n\n Two Years of Titles\n\n Jari Litmanen, killing in the name of Debbie Gibson.\n Georg can resist anything but temptation.\n Bele wants to become a slacker but is too damn lazy.\n Jari, killing in the name of Britney Spear's implants.\n Kreel the Lamb Chopper.\n Eeris WhiteBlood is going to stop procrastinating, soon.\n Mischief- A 69 is neuron pleasing anatomical shareware!\n Darrek. Women - Can't live with 'em. Can't do most positions without 'em.\n Throm knows that coffee is a dish best eaten with a fork.\n Gultar Endymion speaks in the third person as God.\n Wraegn says 'A night with sunshine is like the day.\".\n Xenpaolin GreyBorne, Can someone change my diapers?\n Odessyus Harthlen sits naked at his computer when he muds.\n Valashrect B\/D,S\/M,its an alphabet soup of hedonistic delight.\n Graem Your powers are useless. I wear tin foil underwear.\n Turalyon- creator of tuna safe dolphin.\n Sigwulf wishes he was on Buffy...erm with Buffy\n Qizatch has belladonna sticking out of its mouth.\n Gethi v2.0....special Balzhur edition!\n Kuni Talier, all the power, half the calories.\n Saraoreo wants to move to Canada for the 5 pin bowling, eh?\n Mino: I'm just a f*%$#ing ray of sunshine, aren't I?\n Laine Bela Morte: What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?\n Zerial:I'm the Boss and I have HER permission to say so!\n Saderax Darkraven - as confused as a baby in a topless bar.\n Albert, Fat.\n Quickcut bot Gladiator DVD, for the christians and lions.\n\n.................................................................\n                         WE WANT YOU!\n.................................................................\n\n We are looking to add to the ranks of scribes here at the CoD!\n If you have the desire to become part of this staff and put some\n creative urges to use, then please submit a sample of writing\n on the CoD public boards.\n\n The CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven\n square or south of quills and parchments on market street.\n\n Submissions and Requests will be taken till the first week of\n May. Selections will be made by the first week in May as well.\n\n\n Thank you!\n\n.................................................................\n                       Quest and Contest\n.................................................................\n\n Happy Festivus!\n\n Every culture has it's own holidays, except for us!\n\n Your mission - come up with a Realms of Despair holiday and\n write a brief (no more than 1 note) explaination of that holiday\n and when and why it should be celebrated.  You should also\n include any items that are siginificant to the holiday (ie. a\n tree at Christmas for some).\n\n Answers should be mudmailed to Elisabet no later than April\n 25th at 9:00pm EST\/system time.  Entries will be judged and the\n winning ones will be posted in the May issue.\n\n\n                             ,--.\n                            {    }\n                            K,   }\n                           \/  -Y`\n                      ,   \/   \/\n                     {_'-K.__\/\n                       `\/-.__L._\n                       \/  ' \/`\\_}\n                      \/  ' \/\n              ____   \/  ' \/\n       ,-'----    --\/  ' \/_             It is\n     ,'             ``---  ',           my pleasure\n    (                        Y          to announce\n   {                         I          that Trinda\n  {      -                    `,        has been hired\n  |       ',                   )        as the new curator\n  |        |   ,..__      __. Y         of my museum.\n  |    .,_.\/  Y ' \/ 'Y   J   )|         Thank you to all\n  \\           |' \/   |   |   ||         who applied.\n   \\          L_\/    . _ (_,.'(\n    \\,   ,      ^^\"\"' \/ |      )\n      \\_  \\          \/,L]     \/         -Moonbeam\n        '-_--,       ` `   .\/`\n           `'{_            )\n               ^^\\..___,.--`\n\n.................................................................\n                          In Closing\n.................................................................\n\n We look forward to the next year ahead, and thank you for all\n of the support of the last two years. We have many ideas and\n plans for the future, and are working on them as you read this.\n\n Remember we are looking to add to our staff, and if you are\n interested we can not wait to hear from you. See HELP CRY20\n\n     Thank you for reading!!!, from the staff of the CoD.\n\n feedback? comments? fan\/hate mail? submissions? all welcome at\n the CoD public boards, located: e,s,2u,s,w,s from darkhaven\n square or south of quills and parchments on market street.\n\n.................................................................\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
April Fools; Not Aeriel! Best of Funny Bones ……………………………………………………….. ___ __ ____ _ \/ __|_ _ _ _ ___ \/ _| | _ \\ ___ ____ __ __ _(_)_ _ | (__| ‘_| || | \/ _ \\ _| | |_) | -_)_-< '_ \\ _` | | '_| \\___|_| \\_, | \\___\/_| |____\/\\___|__\/ .__\/__,_|_|_|...\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-templates\/full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"class_list":["post-1807","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1807"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1807\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1824,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1807\/revisions\/1824"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}