{"id":1815,"date":"2024-03-15T17:22:45","date_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:22:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=1815"},"modified":"2024-03-15T17:22:45","modified_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:22:45","slug":"cry-of-despair-39","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/cry-of-despair-39\/","title":{"rendered":"Cry of Despair #39"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-white-color has-text-color\">In which Herne said no and told the immortal to shoo.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<pre class=\"cryofdespair\">\n ===========================================================\n\n\n        \nTHE CRY OF DESPAIR #39\n\n\n        \n===========================================================\n\n\n        Mortal Staff:\n\n        Alendil, Alerious, Alisia, Aylssa, Apollonia, Azrakare, Barentin,\n\n        Begaria, Conran, Dein, DekkatH, Elaria, Elbanon, Goomra, Lorel,\n\n        Loril, Naithalia, Nimue, Nitsuj, Odessyus, Saraphin, Sarig, Shamisen,\n\n        Shingo, Thalasian\n\n        Mortal Editor: Kuah\n\n        \n\n        Immortal Staff:\n\n        Elisabet, Lascivias\n\n        Immortal Editor: Ayesh\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Table of Contents\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        Desk of the Editor\n\n        Letters, Words and Thanks.\n\n        \n\n        Your Paragraph INTERACTIVE!!!\n\n        One starts it, one finishes it, Starting with Herne and the Otters\n\n        \n\n        Horoscopes!\n\n        Back! And better than ever!\n\n        \n\n        Poets Corner\n\n        Roses are red...\n\n        \n\n        Treasure Chest\n\n        Trikets!\n\n        \n\n        Funny Bones!\n\n        Avatar Chat humor and of course, titles...\n\n        \n\n        It's Brakius!\n\n        Yes, it's a Begaria story...\n\n        \n\n        Nations News\n\n        A word from the Lizard...\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Desk of the Editor By: Kuah\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        What is the good word? Thanks to all of you for the words on the last\n\n        issue, 99 percent of that being comments on the botting article. And\n\n        another big thanks to the staff who worked on it. This issue is another\n\n        good one, where we start something that we think will be beyond fun\n\n        and good for some laughs, and who can't have enough of those!?? The\n\n        Horoscopes also return with the debut of new staff member, Naithalia.\n\n        \n\n        We also return with poems, funnybones and the usual reading you have\n\n        come to expect from the Cry of Despair.\n\n        \n\n        As always, if you have a comment, gripe or something you want to\n\n        submit to the Cry of Despair, you can reach us the CoD public board\n\n        in the TownHall (e,s,2u,s,w,s from DH[]) or south of Quills and\n\n        Parchments on Market Street. Or you can Mudmail me or Ayesh. As\n\n        always, enjoy and thanks.\n\n        \n\n        Kuah\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Your Paragraph Winning Paragraph By:\n        Jaryl\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        One day Herne was walking with his friendly neighborhood otters when\n\n        out of nowhere an immortal popped up. The immortal said in a god-like\n\n        tone \"HERNE! WE COMMAND YOU TO BECOME AN IMMORTAL AGAIN!!!!!\"\n\n        \n\n        Herne said no and told the immortal to shoo. So Herne was frolicking\n\n        with the otters(Herne loves to frolick but dosen't do it with people\n\n        watching) when another one of those pesky immortals popped up. This\n\n        one said. \"Yo dude, why don't you come and hang with us immortal dudes\n\n        again. What'd ya say dude?\"\n\n        \n\n        Herne said no and told him to shoo.  So Herne was feeding his otters\n\n        their favorite food, chicken when all of a sudden another of those\n\n        ding-dong-danged immortals popped up. This one said \"Herne, you know\n\n        that if you become an immortal again you can kill all of those people\n\n        on your hit list.\"\n\n        \n\n        Herne was ecstatic. He'd never thought of the benefits of re-imming.\n\n        He said he'd think about it.\n\n        \n\n        Herne walked over to the otters and sat them down. \"Otters,\" Herne\n\n        said, \"I have something important to tell you. I'm going to have to\n\n        leave for awhile.\"\n\n        \n\n        The otters cried and begged him not to go, but Herne was set. The\n\n        prospect of mass murder was just too tempting. It was a tearful\n\n        good-bye. No one had ever seen Herne cry before, but now he cried\n\n        like a little girl. \"I'm sorry otters! I'll miss you all! You'll\n\n        always have a special place in my tiny, stone cold heart!\" With that\n\n        Herne gave them each a kiss and set off to the world he'd once known.\n\n        The world of the immortals.\n\n        \n\n        This was the winning Starting Paragraph! Now, everyone gets to use\n\n        the winning paragraph, and follow up the \"Herne has left the otters!\"\n\n        story. REMEMBER, you can change the path of the story in any way you\n\n        wish, as long as there is some relevance to the previous paragraph.\n\n        The more entries we receive, the more interesting the competition gets,\n\n        and you can win cash prizes!  So mudmail Shingo all entries!\n\n        (One entry per person)\n\n        \n\n        &P MUDMAIL ALL ENTRIES TO SHINGO\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Horoscopes By: Naithalia\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        Naithalia's Little Prophecy Place\n\n        Today's Medium: the Zodiac.\n\n        \n\n        Today, dears, we are foretelling using the most ancient medium of\n\n        all the stars.  They are quite accurate, as you would see if you\n\n        adventuresome types would realize if you would talk to Virgo instead\n\n        of killing the poor girl right and left.  Your futures are clear.\n\n        \n\n        ARIES (March 21-April 19)\n\n        You puzzle over your lover's shun of you but things improve vastly when\n\n        you finally get around to taking that bath.\n\n        \n\n        TAURUS (April 20-May 20)\n\n        Dependable and fun-loving describes you perfectly. You will spend the\n\n        first few days after reading this lazy as usual, but beware the sea-elf\n\n        offering trade.  Something's fishy, no pun intended.\n\n        \n\n        GEMINI (May 21-June 21)\n\n        Ever feel like people are watching you? Well, they are. You better\n\n        watch out, they just might catch you.\n\n        \n\n        CANCER (June 22-July 22)\n\n        You are a pushover, and you have bad taste in equipment. This month,\n\n        try not to let these little setbacks get you down.\n\n        \n\n        LEO (July 23-August 22)\n\n        You'll definitely be Leo the Lion this month, cause a frisky half-elf\n\n        wants to make you roar!  Keep your breath fresh and floss--I know you\n\n        always forget to.\n\n        \n\n        VIRGO (August 23-September 22)\n\n        You will have the worst time ever! You are nothing but a rotten,\n\n        stinking puddle of pond skum. Old (gorgeous) lovers will haunt your\n\n        dreams.  You will never find true love again, and you will get an\n\n        irritating rash!\n\n        \n\n        LIBRA (September 23-October 23)\n\n        You'll will have an insatiable desire for chocolate this month.\n\n        Don't worry--I hear Cadbury is having a sale.\n\n        \n\n        SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)\n\n        Lonely?  Two words.  Sea Monkeys.\n\n        \n\n        SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)\n\n        You may be asking yourself, \"Why am I destined to live my life all\n\n        alone?  Why, dear Thoric, WHY!\" Or you may be be having your ninth\n\n        kid and you don't know WHERE you're going to get the money to get\n\n        little Timmy's leg fixed.  In either case, take heart.  Start hanging\n\n        out in the cool sections of town with a sad look on your face.\n\n        Someone will notice.\n\n        \n\n        CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)\n\n        Hide.\n\n        \n\n        AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)\n\n        Ah, the celebrated leader of all, you are among the elite in sharing\n\n        my sign. You are beautiful, talented, and intelligent. Go ahead and\n\n        buy that Lifebane. You deserve it!\n\n        \n\n        PISCES (January 19-March 20)\n\n        Bored?  Ever been to a donkey farm? My suggestion is you find one\n\n        this month, and take the whole family.\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Poets Corner By: CoD Staff\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        &B Obsessed By: Naithalia\n\n        \n\n        Staring through the cold\n\n        A store window, a dress\n\n        A little too long\n\n        And too tight in the shoulders\n\n        And a bit too impractical\n\n        And a lot too expensive\n\n        Oh, you sigh for it\n\n        Long for it\n\n        Admiring the shimmerglimmersplendor.\n\n        Oh, you fight for it\n\n        Put aside all\n\n        Til it's yours, only yours.\n\n        But as sweet silk surrounds you\n\n        The cold winds bite\n\n        And you realize\n\n        You're tripping over the hem\n\n        And you realize\n\n        You're trying to loosen the neck\n\n        And you realize\n\n        It can't keep out the cold\n\n        It won't keep out the cold\n\n        It can't keep out the cold\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Treasure Chest By: Aylssa and Saraphin\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        Greetings From Treasure Chest..\n\n        \n\n        Saraphin and I were discussing our many treasures we have collected\n\n        during our time here..  Rustling to log storages, and digging thru\n\n        containers, we both laughed at the various toys, foods, novelty items\n\n        each had collected..  The fun we had sharing the items with each other\n\n        brought about the idea of treasure chest.. Each issue we would explore\n\n        the realms and 'spotlight' a fun find *see note*. We're looking forward\n\n        to future issues, if you should have a treasure you would like to share\n\n        please contact us via mudmail =)\n\n        \n\n        See you soon,\n\n        Treasure Chest\n\n        \n\n        *note* We are going to try to include directions for fellow treasure\n\n        hunters, but we are not responsible or any mis-adventures that occur,\n\n        We'll try to include as much information as possible, but we seek our\n\n        treasure as AV mages, and often forget the lil ones about realms..\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Funny Bones Chest By: CoD Staff\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        The testosterone hit the fan on the avatar channel one night...\n\n        \n\n        Lachlan: kali, do you blame your heterosexuality on perhaps an\n\n        inability to have a lasting relationship with members of your gender,\n\n        or do you believe that it is a chemical disorder from birth?\n\n        \n\n        Kali: It's because I dig chicks\n\n        \n\n        Lachlan: do you believe that with proper counceling, someday you could\n\n        perhaps learn to deal with this heterosexuality of yours, and perhaps\n\n        even change?\n\n        \n\n        Kali: Doubtful\n\n        \n\n        Kali: Breasts are too wonderful a thing\n\n        \n\n        Kali: Mind you, this doesn't include man breasts\n\n        \n\n        Tiki: <snicker> Like Herne's?\n\n        \n\n        Tenadabu: please don't bring up herne's man breasts\n\n        \n\n        Tical: Breasts GOOOOOOD!\n\n        \n\n        Kador: breasteses!\n\n        \n\n        \n\n        Immortal Rivalry...\n\n        \n\n        Edmond says 'emptied out in here.'\n\n        \n\n        Edmond sniffs Hoerkin's armpits.\n\n        \n\n        Edmond suddenly starts gagging.\n\n        \n\n        Iliana winces.  Ouch!\n\n        \n\n        Iliana thinks Hoerkin needs a bath.\n\n        \n\n        Edmond says 'we can fix this'\n\n        \n\n        Edmond peers intently about the area, looking for thieves no doubt.\n\n        \n\n        Edmond slays Hoerkin in cold blood!\n\n        Hoerkin gasps his last breath and blood spurts out of his mouth and ears.\n\n        \n\n        Hoerkin steps forth from a shimmering gateway which then collapses behind \n\n        him\n\n        \n\n        Edmond says 'you carry too much crap, Hoerkin'\n\n        \n\n        Hoerkin says 'Loot limit is 3!'\n\n        \n\n        \n\n        Cat Food...\n\n        \n\n        Trinda: my cat's breath smells like cat food - hola all\n\n        \n\n        Booke: why isn't that a surprise? - hi Trinda\n\n        \n\n        Sampras: hrm... my breath smells like cat food :(\n\n        \n\n        Trinda: mmMMmm cat food is oh so yummy\n\n        \n\n        Turlok: whats a cats breath supposed to smell like other than cat\n\n        food...dog food???\n\n        \n\n        Sampras: if your like me... sometimes booze\n\n        \n\n        Sampras: cat acting up? put some johnny walker in the water bowl :)\n\n        he will prr like a kitten :)\n\n        \n\n        \n\n        Funny Titles\n\n        \n\n        Turalyon embodies the smell of rotting tunafish\n\n        Jessel has enough hatred to go around for everyone\n\n        Vashan Consistantly inconsistant\n\n        Clevert is back to dual-wielding chicken.\n\n        Dakid got his corpse purged and didnt even get a t-shirt.\n\n        Vanyla... don't lick me just 'cause I'm sweet!\n\n        Leala Dela Drones is not a mob! :( :(\n\n        Vashan Doesn't care WHO yer parents are!\n\n        Lun wants to be your cabbage too\n\n        Nyphele is afraid of Normal people\n\n        Maire is God's hackie sack.\n\n        Gethi v2.0....special Balzhur edition!\n\n        Augustine eater of goat milk.\n\n        Gidrenth layeth the healeth down ;)\n\n        Laryssa the Monkey says, \"Spank me!\"\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        It's Brakius! By: Begaria\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        My story begins when the last issue of the Cry of Despair hit the\n\n        streets.  We hit 49 pages with 2 interviews from Imms and a whole load\n\n        of stuff.  I was pretty proud of myself and the staff for doing\n\n        such a fine job on that issue.  I was happily sitting in the guild\n\n        of Ranger's recall when I overheard brakius say on avchat that my\n\n        story was 'bad'.  I didn't take no offense of course, but I did say\n\n        that I would put him in my next story, just to get 'even'.  So now,\n\n        Brakius' 15 minutes come in to view.\n\n        \n\n        After I thought of some evil ideas to get even with Brakius, some\n\n        good ideas, some bad, I picked an evil scheme that I liked.  I stood\n\n        up and brushed off the leaves from my body and climbed out of the\n\n        Vallenwood tree and proceeded to find Verok, Brakius' father.\n\n        After a short treck through Darkhaven, I found him seated on the west\n\n        battlements of the city.  I approached him and he nodded to me.\n\n        \n\n        I sat down next to him and looked out over the forest, watching as\n\n        lowbies and avatars alike came and went from the gates.  I turned\n\n        towards Verok and said, 'I think Brakius needs a bit of discipline\n\n        and respect for people's work, don't you think so to?'\n\n        \n\n        Verok nodded and said, 'That them there boy...hrm, I mean...my son\n\n        does need to learn a bit about respect.  Why, I went and kicked his\n\n        butt all over the arena a little while ago.  7 to 3 was the score,\n\n        boy did I waste him.  So, yeah, he's in need of another little\n\n        trick to make him learn some respect!'\n\n        \n\n        I kind of thought Verok would see my point. I quickly told him of\n\n        my plan and patted him on the back and left towards the Vallenwood\n\n        tree, letting Verok carry the rest of my evil deeds out to plan.\n\n        What?  You think an evil person such as myself would do my own work?\n\n        I think not!  One of the tips from 70 hints on being an Evil Overlord\n\n        you know?\n\n        \n\n        Verok took one last look over the forest and jumped down from the\n\n        battlements and landed on skilled feet. He walked to a quiet part\n\n        of Darkhaven, deep in the lair of Dragon Exports, and sat down\n\n        and became motionless as he contacted an Immortal.  That Immortal\n\n        just so happened to be Edmond.\n\n        \n\n        Verok 'Excuse me, could you book the arena for me and my son, Brakius\n\n        for today?'\n\n        \n\n        Edmond replys 'Yeah.  Sure.  You just go round up your son, and send\n\n        me a reply when you are ready, I have to finish up something important.\n\n        All right?'\n\n        \n\n        Verok responded with a yes but heard from Edmond shout at Hoerkin to\n\n        leave his super cool deluxe action figures alone.  Verok shrugged and\n\n        recalled his way out of Dragon Exports and quickly found his son\n\n        seated on a bench on Hawk Street.\n\n        \n\n        Verok 'Hey son, I booked the arena today for some training, get your\n\n        gear on.'\n\n        \n\n        Brakius groaned and said 'But, you already kicked my butt 7 to 3!'\n\n        \n\n        Verok nodded and said 'Yeah, and I'm going to kick it some more if\n\n        you don't hurry up.'\n\n        \n\n        Brakius muttered and quickly strapped on his armor and grabbed his\n\n        weapons from his pack.\n\n        \n\n        Verok sent a message to Edmond that they were ready and they were\n\n        instantly teleported to the arena.  Verok and Brakius paid Edmond\n\n        the entrance fee and were sent into the arena.  Brakius quickly found\n\n        his way to his son and beckoned Brakius to follow him.  Brakius\n\n        did so and was quickly led the middle of the arena.\n\n        \n\n        Verok 'Alright son, could you stand in the middle of that big white\n\n        X? Don't worry about a thing.'\n\n        \n\n        Brakius knew something was up and said 'Ah...why?  Whats so great\n\n        about standing on that X?'\n\n        \n\n        Verok shrugged and said 'You'll see.'\n\n        \n\n        Brakius nodded and walked over and onto the middle of the X, when\n\n        he turned to face his father, Verok was gone.\n\n        \n\n        Brakius 'H...hello? Hey Verok!  Where are you?! HELLLLOOO!'\n\n        \n\n        All of a sudden, the arena went pitch black.  Brakius' light did\n\n        nothing to illuminate the place.  There was a click behind Brakius\n\n        and Brakius quickly turned and drew his weapon to face whatever was\n\n        there...and found himself staring a film machine...it magically\n\n        turned on and it projected a movie on to one of the walls and...\n\n        the movie...it is too horrible to mention...Brakius couldn't believe\n\n        it!  No!  It couldn't be!  It was a movie of Herne doing stand up\n\n        comedy...and it was terrible!  Brakius tried to close his ears off\n\n        from the horrible and outdated jokes, but he couldn't resist!\n\n        \n\n        Brakius tried to smash the machine but his weapon just bounced off.\n\n        He couldn't believe this! Brakius tried to ram glass into his ears\n\n        to stop the bleeding but it didn't help.  This movie was pushing him\n\n        over the edge!\n\n        \n\n        Brakius screamed 'Help me!!!!'\n\n        \n\n        Than the movie clicked off and the entire place went black.\n\n        Brakius stared around in amazement and was about to yell for help\n\n        again when another movie turned on...this...was even worse!  It\n\n        was the movie Fargo starring *gasp* Herne!  Brakius couldn't stand\n\n        the acting in the movie!  He shuddered and fell to the ground crying\n\n        wondering what he did to deserve this...and the movie droned on and\n\n        on...never ending...Brakius started to wish that some big bad monster\n\n        would come and kill him.\n\n        \n\n        Brakius screamed 'I'm sorry for whatever I did!  I'm so sorry!...\n\n        could I die now?'\n\n        \n\n        The movie projector than blew up!  The arena lights flicked on and\n\n        to Brakius' happy amazement...the Monty Python Foot came crashing down\n\n        on him with a humourous fart noise...\n\n        \n\n        And that, my friends, is the tale of how Brakius became small.\n\n        \n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        Nations News By: CoD Staff\n\n        ===========================================================\n\n        \n\n        The Life of a Lizard, By: DekkatH\n\n        Have you ever had the experience of walking through Darkhaven and\n\n        encountering a tall, scaly figure?  Did you think it was a Monster\n\n        invading your home away from home?  Well, for those who do wonder,\n\n        I would like to shed some light on a little known race called the\n\n        \"Lizardman\/woman\"  We have occupied the realms and have slain its\n\n        famed beasts for a few years now.  Being a small race we are a close\n\n        family of lizards always ready to help one another.  The rumor that\n\n        we can breathe under water is actually true since our homeland rests\n\n        beneath the swamps in Haon'dor.  We are a strong, and proud race of\n\n        warriors and rangers and we are always looking for the next hero to\n\n        pass through the spectral gates as a fellow Lizard in Arms.\n\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In which Herne said no and told the immortal to shoo. =========================================================== THE CRY OF DESPAIR #39 =========================================================== Mortal Staff: Alendil, Alerious, Alisia, Aylssa, Apollonia, Azrakare, Barentin, Begaria, Conran, Dein, DekkatH, Elaria, Elbanon, Goomra, Lorel, Loril, Naithalia, Nimue, Nitsuj, Odessyus, Saraphin, Sarig, Shamisen, Shingo, Thalasian Mortal Editor: Kuah Immortal Staff: Elisabet, Lascivias Immortal Editor: Ayesh&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-templates\/full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"class_list":["post-1815","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1815","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1815"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1815\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1816,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1815\/revisions\/1816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1815"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}