{"id":1842,"date":"2024-03-15T17:56:51","date_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:56:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=1842"},"modified":"2024-03-15T17:56:55","modified_gmt":"2024-03-15T17:56:55","slug":"cry-of-despair-54","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/cry-of-despair-54\/","title":{"rendered":"Cry of Despair #54"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-white-color has-text-color\">Interview: Kinux; Newbie Guide to Player Killing; Realms of Despair 101<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<pre class=\"cryofdespair\">\ndOOo. ------------------------------------------------------\nO    Oo.    ..                                        ,###.\nO       b  ;::'         ,,,'#,:#$#.'#.   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'''.##    :#'  '#  ,#! $#\n       d' O            '###:,#:.,'`:##'$#,,#' \"#,,$#,.#' ,:'\n      .P  l                           ,#'\n      .P  l                           ,#'\n   -- ; - \\ ------------------------ ,#' \n--------------------------\n          '                         ''\n      issue 54 . 12\/01 .     news of the realms and its people\n  --------------------------------------------------------------\n  Staff:\n  Maray, Indalecio, Kuah, Begaria, Naithalia, Ilsensine, Noplex,\n  Conran, Sarig, Myra, Jaryl, Shingo, Lieth, Vladith, Gabac,\n  Juliana, Tinani, Mauro, Kyrstal, Silverwind, Azkrakare\n  Guest Editor: Khaimran   Immortal: Elisabet\n  --------------------------------------------------------------\n  Cry Of Despair - Contents\n  --------------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Desk of the Editor\n  Khaimran steps into the breach.\n  \n  Kinux Interview\n  Maray interrogates the latest Neophyte.\n\n  Guild HQ Changes\n  Kyrstal marauds Darkhaven... and she wants answers!\n\n  Realms of Despair 101\n  A new article for the perplexed, courtesy of Juliana.\n\n  Dear Myra & Ilsensine\n  Not for the faint of heart.\n\n  Newbie's Guide to...\n  Conran presents his thoughts on PKilling.\n\n  Happy Birthday Ascendere!\n\n  Post-dementia Ilsensine?\n\n  Funny Bones\n\n  Quests!\n  News from the Elf Nation, Horrorshow + more!\n\n  Literary Corner\n  Vampires, lizards, and the ever unfortunate Pelmen.\n\n  Advertisement\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Desk of the (Guest) Editor - by Khaimran\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  I think its quite a bit of praise in itself, when you look\n  at the fact that the Cry of Despair is still looking for a\n  full time editor, three issues after Kuah stepped down.\n  And now, perhaps, I can see why. More work goes into this\n  paper than I ever imagined, even while on the staff. \n  So, hail to the almighty Kuah *winks*. Having said that,\n  the paper has grown tremendously in the past few weeks.\n  I've lost count of how many new members we have, but you\n  can see for yourself by looking at the front cover. And it\n  shows in the whole paper, too. Part of the reason for the\n  huge workload involved in editing this issue, is the size\n  of it. Not only do we have two features this issue, its\n  also the longest and best issue that I've seen to date.\n   Well, I'll leave you to decide for yourself. Enjoy.\n     - Khaimran Quena Tar'Yenea\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Kinux Interview - by Maray\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Yep, they're multiplying like rabbits. Here's the latest \n  imm, Kinux. As always, one of our intrepid reporters was on \n  hand to badger the poor Neophyte asap! Take it away, \n  Maray... - Ed.\n\n  Maray> Alrightie then... How are you finding \n  immortality so far? I know it's only been a few days, \n  but...\n \n  Kinux grins.\n  Kinux> Hours more like :) So far, it's more then I \n  imagined.\n \n  Maray> How so?\n \n  Kinux> Incredible people, amazing new things to learn, \n  and many many notes to read :) I had a great rapport with \n  many imms while GM. When I imm'd though, I truly felt\n  welcomed by everyone.\n \n  Maray> How do you think being an immortal has changed \n  your view of the game?\n\n  Kinux> Well, time will certainly add to that answer. I \n  do find even now that I'm seeing things on a more broad \n  basis, not so tied to a particular guild, or channel. The \n  realms has an incredible depth of activities, all of which \n  I get to now be more in tune with.\n  \n  Maray> Speaking of guilds, how has GoT reacted to your \n  imming?\n \n  Kinux> Very well. It's an excellent organization with \n  tremendous people. They were all a little stunned at first, \n  but quickly rallied around the other leaders with their \n  support. All were very happy for me :) Besides, the guild \n  bot Abelard really runs the place... If he's online.. the \n  world is good.\n  Kinux smiles happily.\n\n  Maray> How do you think being GM prepared you for all \n  that, if at   all?\n \n  Kinux> I was fortunate to be in leadership in GoT for \n  around 20   months. Quite a while by guild standards. Being \n  GM allowed me to interact a great deal with all the other \n  guilds through TS, IGQC, and the like, but it also gave me \n  quite a few other tools. I have a great appreciation for \n  the new learner, as we got many newbie thieves. Being \n  GM is being able to balance many personalities to work \n  together for a common goal. The quests, run organization, \n  and the like also is directly translated into my future \n  jobs. Of course, there was also the copious notes I had to \n  write too :)\n\n  Maray> What do you hope to accomplish in your time as \n  an imm?'\n \n  Kinux> I hope to expand my knowledge of the realms. To \n  work towards carrying on the incredible work that the Imms \n  here do, through their quests, building and admin duties. I \n  hope to leave my mark, whatever that may be. The future \n  will tell... :)\n\n  Maray> Any changes you would like to see made?'\n \n  Kinux> Changes... Well, that's a tough question. In TS \n  we proposed many new changes, many of which we hoped to see\n  come up in the new port. We'll see what comes of that and \n  then perhaps I can answer that question better.\n \n  Maray> What did you consider before deciding to go \n  for imm-ship?\n \n  Kinux> I considered 3 main things. What would happen to \n  GoT if I left, ie. Was there leadership in place to do the \n  job? Could I do the job of immortal? Would I regret the \n  decision I have made? I talked to many Imms about their \n  experiences and it helped a lot.\n\n  Maray> Finally, anything you'd like to add? :)\n \n  Kinux> I'd like to say thanks to all those I've worked \n  with in the past through the various guilds that I've been \n  involved with. To the guild members of GoT who helped teach \n  me how to play the game years ago, and to the immortals of \n  the realms for believing I could make a difference and \n  bringing me on board. :)\n \n  So there you have it, ladies and gentleman, your newest \n  immortal: Kinux!\n  \n  - Maray Fyremusik-Darkraven\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Guild HQ Changes - by Kyrstal\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Word on the street is that the guilds of Darkhaven are     \n  getting a makeover. This reporter went to work to get the  \n  scoop for our readers. I had the pleasure of speaking with  \n  Ceirana, the advisor to the guilds, and here is what         \n  she had to say.  - Kyrstal Ravenyze                          \n                                                                 \n  Kyrstal> Can you tell me a little about the changes \n  that the guilds are going through?\n \n  Ceirana> I think was about a year ago the guilds were \n  invited to redo their headquarters. Many were completely\n  rewritten while others opted to just change or add a few \n  things. There are no plans to move the guilds outside of \n  the town walls until such time that we can ensure they \n  will be protected from the evils that lie beyond Darkhaven.\n   \n  Kyrstal> Are the guilds being allowed any additional \n  items or features?\n\n  Ceirana> Yes, for example... most guilds have sent \n  their guild chef off to cooking school this past year of \n  the Dragon, and these master chefs have collaborated in \n  creating some amazing delicacies. \n  \n  Kyrstal> Can you tell us about the additional features \n  that the guilds were given?\n  \n  Ceirana> Visil had been getting a tad stressed over the\n  extra duties he had repairing for all the guilds, so he \n  lined up some talented blacksmiths to ease the burden. Many\n  guilds were having difficulties recording, maintaining, and \n  sorting all their important information. So a way was \n  discovered to alleviate some of piles of paper left lying \n  about each guild. In addition, a special magic was woven \n  into the donation rooms of the guilds, that would provide a \n  safe way to store ethereal potions and the like.\n\n  Kyrstal> Will the current donation rooms save over to \n  the new donation rooms?\n  \n  Ceirana> The magic has always been strong within the \n  donation rooms. The gods are benefic.\n\n  Kyrstal> And lastly, when is the projected\n  implementation date for the new guild headquarters?\n  \n  Ceirana> When it has come to fruition.\n\n\n  After speaking with Ceirana, I hit the streets of Darkhaven\n  to pay a visit to the Guilds. I spoke with leaders or the \n  person in charge of the rebuilds. Here's what they had to \n  say.\n \n  Kyrstal> Is your guild getting any changes? If so is it\n  a complete rewrite or just a few changes?\n  \n  Kellandra, GoC: Only thing kept the same might be a few \n  storekeeper names, everything else is a total rewrite.\n\n  Korith, GoD: We have kept to the theme of adding on the\n  additional rooms and keeping the main core of the guild \n  as it always has been. In this way we preserve memories and\n  the history of our guild.\n\n  Meade, GoM: Pretty much a complete rewrite.\n\n  Racin, GoR: We just requested a few changes, which as \n  far as I know have been approved.\n\n  Kinux, GoT: We are getting changes and an addition. We\n  chose to keep the main portion of the guild due to its \n  historical significance. We're quite a sentimental group.\n\n  Garrund, GoV: A complete rewrite. The guild will still \n  keeps it's ankh shape in the mansion, but the layout is \n  quite different.\n\n  Ilena, GoW: We made some changes.\n\n  Mecil, GoP: It's a complete re-write.\n\n  Destre, GoN: The basic layout remains the same.\n\n  Bravadan, GoA: The guild has a few little changes.\n   \n  Kyrstal> Any hints as to what is new?\n  \n  Kellandra, GoC: We have some serious fun with Gnomes \n  and a very weepy ghost to deal with in the new HQ. \n\n  Korith, GoD: Communing with the oak has been cleared \n  away, and more room created for us to enjoy nature more. A \n  friend has to come the guild, offering a home for our \n  animal friends as well. \n\n  Meade, GoM: Well, the general theme is a floating tower\n  above Darkhaven and we have a pet cat Chubby.\n\n  Racin, GoR: Well we made a few equipment and room \n  changes, I do not want to get into detail as only the GoR \n  leaders and the Imms have been told what they are at this \n  point. We took suggestions from our members but never \n  actually told them what all we did. We want them to enjoy \n  the chance to explore our new additions.\n\n  Kinux, GoT: It was rumored that a band of thieves one \n  day found a tunnel leading away from recall to a secret \n  spot outside of DH. It was thought to have been part of\n  Duke Luthers get away plan at one time.. but long \n  forgotten. We are getting a new repair mob, a grandson of\n  our founding member.\n\n  Garrund, GoV: We will have a blood fountain in the \n  recruit room, a potion container in donations, and a steam\n  room.. yes vampires need to relax too. We have taken steps\n  to ensure that our wallets are safe from the pick-pockets \n  that lurk on the steps of the mansion. We also have a \n  memorial for our fallen brother.\n\n  Ilena, GoW: We will have a new brewing room for the \n  guild and a portal room for the kinship, also a waiting\n  room for people or questors.\n\n  Mecil, GoP: We have built it as a stronghold with \n  various buildings connected by a courtyard that is our new\n  recall point. It will be fun with lots of spammy food and\n  maybe even a visitors area for the rest of Realms to \n  sample our fine ale and superb coffee. Mostly I have opted\n  for detail in descriptions, adding bits of guild history \n  and runs into statues and paintings, so that it gets a \n  feel that I believe castles should have.\n\n  Destre, GoN: The addition of the new poison fountain. \n  Ceirana is doing the coding for us and assuming it works, \n  it will poison you if you drink from it. \n\n  Bravadan, GoA: Not any secrets really, just things like\n  a new run board, run room, magic container, and changed the\n  repop message. The magic container will hold potions, \n  staffs or anything that casts magic in the donations room. \n  The run room will be a place that we can get together and \n  post notes about runs times and tricks on how to do them.\n\n  Kyrstal> Anything else you'd like to say for the Cry?\n \n  Korith, GoD: The main building of our new guildhall was\n  done by myself, Shingo, and Mikado. Many of our guild \n  members, contributed alot of time and fantastic ideas \n  towards our new guildhall as well. The new guildhall has \n  many new and fun things, but what those will be, the rest \n  of realms will have to wait and see.\n\n  Meade, GoM: Well, it was fun working on the new guild,\n  Formaki, Pamalia, Riley, Saraoreo, and Thalasian all did a \n  lot of work, and Ceirana, Edmond, and Hoerkin were very\n  helpful as well.\n\n  Racin, GoR: Just to thank Hoerkin, Edmond, and Ceirana\n  for putting up with all the changes and for getting the OK\n  to rework all the guild HQs. \n\n  Garrund, GoV: Thanks to all the immortals involved \n  that allowed and are making these changes possible.\n\n  Ilena, GoW: Well that I am pleased that we have had \n  the chance to make changes in the guild. Thanks to \n  Dargolith for all his work and others like Chantria, \n  Simone, Ilena, and Stevenson.\n\n  Mecil, GoP: You will have to wait for the port to \n  see the rest.\n \n  By: Kyrstal Ravenyze\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Realms of Despair 101 - by Juliana\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Realms of Despair 101 - Introduction\n\n   \"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.\n    Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.\"\n\n  It's fascinating to watch how lessons are taught on RoD. \n  People learn what to do and what not to do by picking up \n  specifics. They go on a Froghemoth run. They run Father \n  Time. Run leaders show them how to get to that mob, and \n  what the precise killing strategy is. To stretch the\n  metaphor, they fish in front of the man and give the fish\n  to him. Over and over until, maybe, hopefully, one day, he\n  figures out how to make his own rod and fish for himself.\n\n  So I thought, why not cut to the chase and share the real \n  general strategies of playing Realms of Despair? I won't\n  teach you how to run seth or map the chaos maze (or \n  anything else specific), but in this column and future \n  articles, I'm going to write How-Tos about some of the \n  most popular RoD activities. \n\n  Armed with the basics, you can actually go out and\n  experiment and discover and learn for yourself. Through \n  your -own- effort. Appreciate the mobs and areas people\n  have built, instead of sitting back and waiting for someone\n  to write a walkthrough for you.\n \n  -Someone- had to figure out how to run a new mob before \n  info could be passed around, right? Why not -be- that \n  someone?\n\n  My Philosophy in Writing This Column\n  Absolutely no spoonfeeding. I might teach you running and \n  mapping theory, but when push comes to shove, you will have\n  to apply them in practice yourself and make your own \n  conclusions. I want to inspire a sense of exploration and\n  daring, rather than contribute to the apathetic expectation\n  that someone else must tell you the answer.\n\n  Comments are Welcome\n  Feel free to mudmail me. Praises will be read, flames\n  ignored, suggestions appreciated. :) Anything you think \n  would be a good topic for me to discuss?\n \n  Not-so-Standard Disclaimer\n  Most of what I plan to write is common sense that most\n  regular players have picked up already (but hopefully is \n  still useful to beginners). Lord knows I coulda used such a \n  summary sheet while a newbie. The rest is either gleaned \n  from the public smaug 1.4 code (which you can go scrutinize\n  too, btw) or based on personal experience. \n \n  In other words, I could be wrong! Always take what other\n  people say with a big grain of salt, and decide for \n  yourself what to believe.\n\n  RoD 101 - Mob Killing\n\n  Scenario 1: You're a newbietar. Your eq consists of 9 \n  parts levelling eq and 1 part av eq from your guild's \n  donation. You want to run some mobs to equip yourself, but\n  you haven't the faintest idea which will smite you and \n  which are reasonable to attempt.\n \n  Scenario 2: You're a player with quite a few classes of \n  avatars. Especially the standard running classes like \n  thief, vampire, mage, warrior, cleric, etc. You want to run\n  a mob that's considered a step up in difficulty from what \n  you normally run. Just how do you go about having a \n  successful run?\n\n  Gathering Run Information\n  First things first, you need specific run information about\n  the mob. How to get to the mob and how to kill the mob. \n  What the mob doesn't like, and what the effective skills\/\n  spells are. How to find this stuff out?\n \n  1) Ask a Trustworthy Friend\n  This is the easiest option. People in RoD are naturally a\n  little reticient about their hard earned secrets. You can't\n  spam the hell out of strangers and expect to be spoonfed \n  with freebies. A friend will probably share his run secrets\n  if he knows you're not going to broadcast them to all and \n  sundry. You want a friend who knows what he's doing, or \n  you'll be operating on bad run info, which is worse than \n  going in with no knowledge whatsoever. How to make friends? \n  Being nice, honest, ethical and honorable and joining an\n  organization might help. Hopefully you've made some before\n  you go asking them for run info, or you'll come off \n  sounding like a moocher.\n\n  2) Surf the Net, Look for Websites\n  Maybe you're the independent type. Maybe you think you're \n  going to stretch friendship more than a little by hounding \n  your associates for too much info. Since you are mudding, \n  you do have an internet connection. Run a google search and\n  see what pops up. Area directions are plentiful. Various \n  guilds and individuals have webpages that supply some \n  information on running simple mobs.\n \n  3) Firsthand Experience\n  This is, by nature, a little more advanced than the above \n  two options. This is the -real- method of how the\n  professionals figure out how to kill new mobs no one has \n  ever seen before. They walk up to the mob, hit the mob, and \n  watch how the battle goes. They figure out what works \n  through trial and error, and what to avoid doing. After\n  creating a running strategy, they test it out. If the mob \n  dies consistently, success! If not, revision time.\n\n  Figuring Out What Works \n  (And What Results in a Bloody Splotch That Used to be Your\n  Running Char)\n  Ask ten different RPers what they consider roleplay to be, \n  and you'll get ten different answers. Ask ten different \n  runners how they judge mobs, and you'll get ten different \n  answers too. Everyone develops their own personal style of\n  analyzing mobs. There are, however, some basic principles \n  that will make your life easier while you try things out \n  for yourself. Here are but a few of them:\n\n  1) A Good, Readable Prompt and Fprompt\n  If you can read your own prompt fast and easily, you'll be\n  able to figure out how much damage you're receiving, and \n  whether the mob is hurt, healed or not bothered at all by \n  your attacks.\n\n  Readable is going to differ tremendously from person to \n  person. About 9 in every 10 people loathe my prompt, but \n  it works for me. :) And that's the criteria to live by. \n  Hence, why I suggest anyone seriously playing this mud\n  should take time to read the helpfiles for pcolors and \n  prompt, and design your own according to the information \n  you feel you're going to need. Prompt preferences differ, \n  but if you're going to be trying out mobs, you'll need at\n  the very very least Current HP, Max HP, and the Current \n  Health of Opponent. I heartily recommend more, though.\n \n  Current HP is obvious, you need to know when you're about\n  to expire and when you're only being scratched. Some people \n  go without Max HP...since the starting prompts don't \n  include it. *Beep* Wrong idea. When being intensely pounded \n  on, the chances of you remembering how many heals to quaff \n  to reach your max hp are very slim. It'll slow you down, \n  even if you manage it. It's also clearer to think in terms \n  of proportions. Are you only half or two-thirds hurt at \n  500hp?\n\n  Current Opponent Health in your fprompt is a godsend. You \n  no longer have to glance\/look at the mob to check. You can \n  keep track of the rate of healing and damage the mob is \n  taking as the rounds go by.\n \n  2) Always Be Praised or Higher in Favor\n  Shit happens. Your test goes awry. You die accidentally, \n  none of your friends are around to help you kill the aggro \n  mob looming over your dead body. Maybe they don't know how \n  to. Everyone on public channels is being really cruel and \n  won't help you CR. Maybe they don't know how to either. \n \n  What you previously thought was a non-aggro mob can't stand\n  the sight of you walking back in the room, even past \n  quitting and relogging. No immortals are online, or you \n  don't want to pay for an imm CR. Well, that's what \n  supplicate corpse is for. A minimum level of praised is \n  needed.\n\n  As an addenum to this, if you're testing out high \n  difficulty mobs, check beforehand to make sure the room \n  isn't no-supp. Common gossip will suggest the likely \n  no-supp areas\/rooms. Personally making sure would be to try \n  out supp recall in the actual room, and hope you don't see \n  \"You have been forsaken!\". You don't want to be taken aback\n  when you see the no-supp message, \"The image of your corpse\n  appears, but suddenly wavers away.\"\n \n  If there's a likelihood of it being a no-supp room, common \n  sense suggests you shouldn't be wearing your best eq to\n  test it out. You might not be able to strip naked and last \n  long enough against the mob to try, but use eq you can \n  afford to lose. \n\n  3) Sanc is for Wussies!\n  But you'll be a living wussy. Always sanc. This is the \n  common refrain of pkillers, and it applies when you're just\n  about to fight mobs also. Sanc cuts all damage in half, \n  even the breaths and sneaky mpdamages. It keeps your \n  equipment from breaking just that little bit longer. When \n  testing a mob whose capabilities you don't know, you want \n  all the advantages you can get.\n \n  4) Use a Disposable Weapon\n  A good number of mobs are programmed to disarm you and do \n  fairly innovative (and nasty) things to your weapons. When \n  going up against an unknown mob, it's sensible to use a \n  weapon you can afford to lose, while you determine if the \n  mob is immune to any particular weapon type, immune circle\/\n  grasp\/offensive spells or if it requires nonmagic\/magic \n  weapons to be killed.\n\n  5) Try Out Different Weapons\n  If one type of weapon -always- and -consistently- misses \n  the mob, chances are good it's probably immune to that \n  weapon type. As of smaug 1.4, mobs can be be immune to \n  blunt, pierce and slash. Slash also includes slices, whips \n  and claws. Pierce includes stabs, bites, arrows, bolts and\n  darts. Blunt includes pounds, crushes, stones and peas.\n \n  However, the mob is more likely to be immune magic\/\n  nonmagic. If identifying the mob produces \"That appears to\n  have no effect\", then it is immune magic, and thus, magic\n  weapons. Another way to tell is to swap magic\/nonmagic \n  weapons of the same type in combat when one keeps missing \n  in both regular hitting and circling. Practice makes \n  perfect when eyeballing a mob and deciding what it's \n  immune to. So go practise! That one mob you're always \n  dying to try is waiting.\n\n  That's all we have for now. :) In next month's issue, more \n  tips on how to understand and try out an unknown mob. We'll\n  go in depth into the various mage and cleric protection \n  spells that make your mobkilling life easier, as well as\n  some commonly used skills. \n \n  Ever wonder what helps a stun land successfully? Find out \n  next month, or better yet, get inspired to find out for \n  yourself first!\n\n  - Juliana Shadowfyre\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Dear Myra & Ilsensine - Nuts\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Dear Myra and Ilsensine,\n  I have a wee bit of a dilemma. I haven't had an official \n  Bris on the mud yet, and I need two things.  First off, \n  I need someone to perform my bris. Who this is doesn't\n  matter, as long as they certified. Secondly, I need to know\n  how to have a ceremony of this kind without major \n  embarassment when you are pushing 1300 years old. My skin \n  is flaky, the fore part of it especially.  Any help is \n  appreciated.\n    -Nuts\n\n  Dear Nuts,\n  Why you are considering this NOW is beyond me, but I will \n  try my best to offer good advice.  Noting that you used the\n  phrase \"as long as they are certified,\" I can only conclude\n  that you are not completely familiar with this procedure in\n  its original celebration.  As a quick history lesson, a \n  Bris is generally a Jewish celebration and is conducted by \n  a \"Moile.\"  This person may or may not be a Rabbi, but is \n  most certainly \"certified.\"  Now given the religious \n  climate of Realms, I would say that your chances of finding\n  anyone Jewish, much less a Moile would be slim to none.  \n  Having said that, I'm afraid I must now address the latter\n  half of your dilemma. As a 1300 year old pixie I would \n  think that your flaky problems would be the least of your \n  worries.  And, thus, I think I will leave my comments at \n  that. In conclusion, my advice is to dis the Bris and find \n  a better pasttime. Besides, I hear the ladies prefer \n  \"uncut\".                       \n     -M\n\n  Dear Nuts,\n  Or should that be... Dear God??! What on earth do you think\n  you are playing at sending such pointless pifflery to me? \n  As always... I shall respond to the undeserving nonsense \n  that piles through my little letter box.\n  I shall answer this with an apt saying I heard once on my \n  travels...\n \n  \"A man who must ask where the bathroom is, deserves wet \n  pants.\"\n     -I\n\n\n  Dear Myra and Ilsensine,\n  I am hoping you can help keep from being utterly lonely \n  this holiday season.  You see, I am always the \"other \n  woman\" and well, I'm tired of being the one left out.  \n  While my \"men\" are off with their mudwives and mudchildren, \n  I am left all alone.  I've spent too many Christmas Eves \n  alone and I need advice.\n     -Naughty Elf\n \n  Dear Naughty Elf,\n  I think that you're half way to recovery.  That is to say \n  you've already admitted that you have a problem.  Now you \n  just need to do something about it.  Find a nice boy to \n  settle down with...unless of course you love the thrill of \n  the affair....In which case, I think you have other issues \n  that you need to deal with. There are plenty of single men\n  that you can talk to and perhaps something good will come \n  of it.\n      -M\n\n  Dear Naughty Elf, \n  Naughty elf? Hmm being a sexual substitute doesn't sound \n  terribly naughty to me... stupid perhaps... oh well I shall\n  take your word for it. Hmm.. what can I say that will help \n  you? Murder? Selective male mutilation? I am tempted to\n  consider your case terminal, but in my vast and unrelenting\n  compassion and wisdom I shall offer you this snippet of \n  advice : - \n     \"A man who strays with other mutts,\n     Will offer those lies and those buts,\n     So tie him up right,\n     And make sure it's tight,\n     As the key to his heart is his nuts.\"\n  Enjoy...   Remember men -  pain is temporary, emasculation \n  forever.\n     -I\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  A Newbie's Guide to... Player Killing - by Conran\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  You've seen them around - They have colourful tags before \n  their names like (Anarchy) (type 'clans' to see a full \n  list) or (Unclanned) and they run around killing each \n  other.  Thats right, they're player killers.\n \n  Since this is a newbies guide, let me start off by saying \n  this: DO NOT make your first character a player killer.  \n  I'd suggest you make a peaceful avatar before trying to \n  take on the PK challenge.  It's not quite as easy as it \n  looks. Before you decide to make a PKiller, make sure you \n  know the game well.\n \n  As the name suggests, a PK player will kill (or be killed) \n  by other PK players. You have to be on your toes at all \n  times, and always be spelled up.  Fights are usually over \n  fairly quickly, and equipment and armour will only do so \n  much... More often than not, it all comes down to who has\n  the most heals.\n\n  Like peacefuls, there are organisations that PKillers can\n  join.  They're called clans.  Type 'help deadlyclans' for\n  more information on their role.\n \n  There are a few laws that a deadly needs to be aware of.  \n  Before chosing to create a deadly player, read 'laws \n  pkill' and 'laws assist'.  To summarise the main points \n  you should be aware of, deadlies may not multiplay, receive\n  any help from non-deadlies (including healing, portals, \n  curing curses etc).  Should you die, an Immortal will NEVER\n  help you retreive your corpse.\n\n  You can still be legally killed when you're AFK or \n  Link-Dead, although most deadly players are after a fair \n  fight, and should leave you alone, unless you've managed to \n  annoy them beforehand.\n\n  Of course, once you understand these rules, and have the \n  experience to give PKilling a try, it can be a lot of fun.  \n  There are a number of different ways that the game will \n  help you become a deadly.  Deadlies receive experience much\n  faster, so they're much easier to level.  They have the \n  ability to go config +noexp, meaning if you reach level 20, \n  and want to stay at level 20 regardless of how many people \n  you kill, you can do so.\n \n  A non-deadly may chose to become deadly, however once the \n  choice is made, theres no turning back - A deadly MAY NOT \n  become peaceful ever again.\n \n  Along with the easier experience, the game gives you 2 \n  hours in which you are not able to be killed.  You can use\n  that time to level your character a great deal.  You must\n  be level 5, and at least 18 years of age, before you can \n  engage in a fight.  To keep things fair, you can only kill\n  a player within 5 levels of your own.  To stop you from \n  being killed repeatedly, you cannot be killed again for 5 \n  minutes after being killed.\n\n  Be warned, however, once you've been killed, the player \n  responsible for killing you is allowed to loot you, or \n  take some of your equipment from your corpse.\n\n  So remember, playing as a deadly can be a lot of fun, but \n  can also be extremely frustrating if you don't have a good\n  working knowledge of the game before deciding to become a \n  PKiller.  Should you decide to take on the challenge, try\n  reading a couple of the following sites for some more \n  detailed instructions on exactly how to pkill: \n \n  http:\/\/home.mmcable.com\/iliana\/frames.htm\n\n  http:\/\/www.geocities.com\/rodespair2001\/Logs\/howtopk.html\n \nSo, my last words to you: Good luck, you'll probably need it!\n\n  - By Conran\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Happy Birthday Ascendere! - by Conran\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  The Order of Ascendere celebrated its third anniversary \n  last month.  The month marked the third year since a number\n  of people departed their home at Arcanes in the hope of \n  finding a new challenge.  This challenge was realised with \n  the creation of a new, ethereal order known as Ascendere.\n \n  Celebrations were held over a weekend, and included quests,\n  runs and a lot of empty bottles of ale.\n\n  Then, nearing the end of the first day of the celebrations,\n  an announcement by the Leader, Covellia, was made that both\n  her and Nitsuj, the Number One, would be retiring and \n  handing over leadership of the Order to Aylssa, at the time\n  the Number Two of the order.  Kaiowas, the Blademaster, \n  would become the new Number One, and Syera, ex-Arbiter and \n  Ascendere Ancient was to take up the position of Number \n  Two.  Congratulations and best wishes to all of the people \n  above who are about to embark on a new journey full of \n  challenges and, hopefully, some level of enjoyment.\n\n  A particular expression of gratitude must be given to \n  Covellia, the founding leader of Ascendere all those years \n  ago.  This party, for her, also marked the sixth year of \n  playing on Realms.  Of this time, a little over four and a \n  half years was spent in some form of leadership position \n  between Arcanes and the move to Ascendere.  Without her \n  input and dedication, the order would not be what it is\n  today.\n\n  - By Conran\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Ilsensine's Thoughts - by... uh.. Ilsensine.\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Perhaps it is a sign of old age, of senile (or pre-senile) \n  dementia... but of late I find myself having thoughts. Odd \n  perhaps, but in this forum I shall share these musings with\n  you...\n \n  1) You are playing a game, this is a fact. However, \n     consider other games you may play... would you think it \n     acceptable to hit someone else in a game of chess? Or to \n     throw their pieces to the ground?\n \n  2) You have to power to view a situation from your own \n     angle. You also have the right to consider your own \n     conclusions as correct. However, you do not have the \n     right to impose that view upon another or to call down \n     the view of another player as being incorrect.\n \n  3) Honesty is not a vice to cause harm. It should be \n     tempered with realism and compassion as all other things\n     must.\n \n  4) Fun is not at the expense of others.\n \n  5) Weigh your words before you use them. A heavy word \n     hurts as much as a heavy sword.\n  \n  These are but thoughts. Use them however you will, but \n  think on them before you choose.\n\n  - By Ilsensine\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Funny Bones! - Shargate Makes a Boobie, from Ilsensine\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Oddly, this really did happen... Baka, Tiki, Laurel and I \n  had just had a hug spam fest at NC HQ....\n \n  Ilsensine says 'All that hugging... I need to readjust :P'\n \n  Ilsensine stops using a sapphire encrusted bodice of sheer \n  glass.\n  Ilsensine fits a sapphire encrusted bodice of sheer glass \n  on her body.\n \n  Shargate shouts 'Boobies!'\n \n  Laurel rolls on the floor laughing hysterically.\n  Laurel points at Ilsensine accusingly.\n  Laurel says to Ilsensine, 'he was talking about YOURS'\n \n  Ilsensine : Shargate shouts 'Boobies!' (ok.. am I being\n  watched by Shargate?) :(\n  Tiki : He's on to you.\n  Ilsensine : I didn't even have this chan on :P What were \n  you guys dooooing? :P\n  Shargate : laugh, that was honestly a coincidince, if it \n  lined up like that :P\n  Pheayre : blame shargate.\n  Llam a! You've been struck by a smooth llama.\n  Kyrstal Ravenyze: 7\/5th of peeps dont understand fractions.\n  Goomra: When in doubt, use a lighter [NC:ON]\n  Qizatch When with Goomra, don't doubt! [NC:on]\n  Maray: 'Will my rhetorical questions never end?' [IT]\n  Meade LifeBringer the Beer Hunting Reprobate Muggle.\n  Yndrelliar has the most ugly name ever.  But he's kind of\n  cute.\n  Dinin Bregan D'aerthe hates dem stinkin Muggles.\n  Garrund Ravenyze says,\"Never moon a werewolf\"\n  Krall Rice crispies with a snap, crackel, BOOM!\n  Hobinay If I'm Hobbled, Do I Gibble?\n  Maray: \"Get confident, stupid!\" [IT]\n  Serianna Nvwls-Etheros Pixie action figure princess SHE.\n  Cobblepot waddles you into Oblivion.\n  Tarai wonders if she can set her laser printer on stun...\n  Ygg MacCleod has a stuttering problem, and is.. is....\n\n\n  The Official Cry of Despair Guide to Bad Things To Sit On.\n\n  DISCLAIMER: There are more things than these that are bad\n  to sit on. If you suspect that the thing you are sitting on\n  is a Bad Thing To Sit  On, get up immediately and contact \n  the nearest Bad Things To Sit On  Control Center. This has\n  been a public service announcement from the Cry of Despair.\n\n  A rugby field.\n\n  The ceiling.\n\n  A public outhouse.\n\n  Kali's lap. (Had a run-in with Moonbeam, Vladith? -Ed.)\n\n  A sword.\n\n  Zeus.\n\n  A sword that happens to be resting in Zeus's lap.\n\n  Herne's chair (If you are sitting on this, you may be\n  Herne. Seek help)\n\n\n  Vital Information For Your Everyday Adventuring\n\n  It's unlucky to have high amounts of luck.\n\n  The worst punishment ever contrived is being turned into a \n  pixie who can't turn off racetalk.\n\n  When a mage midases an item, it goes to a special place in\n  Shadowport.\n\n  If Darrek is grinning, don't worry - he's probably just been \n  drinking.\n\n  If Tiki is grinning, don't worry - she's probably just been\n   frollicking (or something cute like that).\n\n  If Kali is grinning, you can't log off fast enough. \n\n\n  When in doubt - identify!\n\n  Underneath that mysterious, scary exterior, Taboo is really\n  just a mysterious, scary guy.\n\n  Don't dismiss paranoia so easily - if you're deadly, \n  everyone IS out to get you.\n\n  - By Vladith\n\n\n  No help on 'useless' found.\n  Similar Help Files:\n     AGGRESSIVE\n     AID\n     MAIDENSTONE MS MAIDENS\n     'POSSESS'\n     SPELLS\n     STYLE STYLES\n\n\n  Hello and welcome to Ilsensine's 101 reasons...\n \n  Enter the world where the inexplicable is revealed in front\n  of your very eyes.\n  Step forth and embrace the true secrets of life!\n \n  This month....  reason number one\n \n  1) Why there is no milk left in the fridge.\n     - Anthrax.\n\n  - submitted by Ilsensine\n\n\n  The Sounds of Mortals - Sung to the tune of \"Sounds of \n  Silence\" by Simon and Garfunkle.  Adapted for RoD by \n  Cresis.\n \n  Hello Darkness my old friend\n  I've come to run with you again\n  Because your equipment I am needing\n  Because you're greedy and you are keeping\n  And the scroll of the battle that crossed the computer \n    screen\n  Makes me scream\n  It's the sounds of mortals\n \n  And in new areas I explored alone\n  Through mazes and DT's I would moan\n  Under the eyes of watchful Imms\n  I would suffer through their area whims\n  And treading unprepared would lead me to a bright light\n  I'd cry tonight\n  And I'd whine; the sound of mortals\n\n  And the drunkards bowed and prayed\n  To the Beer God they had made\n  Laughed at sexist dogma that he flaunted\n  And the women were undaunted\n  Women rebeled when they were sent to the kitchen\n  He doesn't listen\n  To the irate sounds of mortals\n \n  Across the yellow spam I saw\n  The people would laugh and they'd guffaw\n  And morts would argue without sense\n  Some of them were really quite dense\n  People typing jeers that Imms didn't want to hear\n  And Immortals cheer\n  At no sounds from mortals\n\n\n  These are excerpts from a note quest in the GoV, the winner \n  in this Case Razorth gave very creative and funny answers, \n  here are some Of them. Enjoy,\n   - Tinani\n\n  Quest Master> What animal would love to be purple and why?\n  Razorth> Elephants would love to be purple so they hide \n  in Smartie containers better.\n \n  Quest Master> The footprints on the ceiling were made by \n  what?\n  Razorth> The footprints on the ceiling were made by The\n  Drunken Invisible Psychic Flying Monkeys who had their way \n  they the ink bottles.\n \n\n  Quest Master> Why do vampires sleep in coffins and not\n  monkey skin beds?\n  Razorth> Vamps sleep in coffins and not monkey skin beds \n  because vamps have bad backs and need the tough wood \n  surface to straighten their spines. Plus most  monkey skin\n  beds are only made with the butt of the monkey and that \n  gets down-right smelly.\n \n  Quest Master> Bunnies should be used for what in the \n  guild?\n  Razorth> Bunnies should be used as our secret weapon \n  against the Guild of Druids.  We could hypnotize them, and\n  then fill every orifice with explosives and send them over\n  to the GoD tree house. Then while all the druids are  \n  petting the bunnies, *BOOM* , GoV with be triumphant!! \n  *Evil Laugh*\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Quest News + Reports - Elf Nation Quest, by Begaria\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Elf Nation Quest Report\n\n  On November 10th the Elven Nation had a nation quest that \n  excellently turned out.  Racin, Guild of Rangers Leader, \n  planned out the quest and was in charge of it.  Kahlynn, \n  Queen of the Elves, helped out by collecting fees for \n  entrance and helped run for the prizes. The Quest was a \n  Poker Quest.  You get a clue to where the dealer is, find \n  the dealer, get a card and at the end of the quest, best\n  hand wins.\n\n  So here's a summary of how it played out:\n  Each questor would have to race to the dealer.  Each dealer\n  is placed in a specific place with clues to where they are.\n  Each dealer is on for only 30 mins.  When the questor got \n  to the dealer they get a card.  The more dealers you get \n  to, the more cards you get.  At the end of the quest, all\n  hands are shown and the highest hand wins.\n \n  The results of the quest:\n  1st Place - Claiming the AV Cleric (First Place Prize),\n              Meari is Khaimran, winning with 3 of a kind.\n  2nd Place - Tornado won by Dee.\n  3rd Place - Devout Scales of Alpha and Omega won by \n              Zyrzec.\n  4th Place - An unmade Dragon Claw of Legend won by \n              Elaeny\n  Dee, Zyrzec, and Elaeny all had a pair so it was a close \n  quest. Jauxer, Jannzoni, and Elyse also collected a few \n  cards and claimed prizes. Kahlynn, Timmis, Vernese, and \n  Asurmen made the effort and will also receive a prize.\n\n  There are 35 items left over for the next Elven Nation \n  Quest in 3 months. A little interview on Racin for the \n  quest...\n\n  Begaria> How did you feel the way the quest went?\n\n  Racin> It went very well, only one person got lost in RoW\n  but she escaped without harm ;)\n\n  Begaria> Are nation quests something you'd like to take \n  charge of again?'\n\n  Racin> I have always enjoyed making quests (probably \n  because I like exploring to find new hiding places), so I \n  would like to make a few more for the nation if enough \n  interest is shown.\n\n  Begaria> How good was the participation for the quest?\n\n  Racin> 21 elves qualified this time, and 13 actually \n  participated, which was pretty good for the 1st attempt.\n  Some informed me they would miss the quest due to RL stuff \n  ahead of time, but you can never find a time good for \n  everyone.\n\n  Begaria> I see.  Who donated the prizes?\n\n  Racin> The prizes other than the cleric were collected \n  on the elf nation runs led by Kahlynn and I. I leveled the \n  cleric before hand and donated it.\n\n  Begaria> Do you know anything about the next quest and\n  would you be willing to share a little information about \n  it?\n\n  Racin laughs out loud!\n  Racin> I just finished this one, I have not started the \n  planning of the next one yet, ask again in a couple months.\n\n  Begaria> Now for my favourite part of interviews, a \n  little advice from the interviewee.  Any advice or messages \n  you'd like to send out to RoD?\n\n  Racin> When you are bored go exploring, especially low \n  level areas and new areas, you never know where someone \n  like me will hide something you need for a quest.\n  Racin grins so evilly that everyone's alignment drops to \n  -1000.\n \n  Thank you for Racin for his time and information about all\n  this. Congratulations to all questors.  For all you Elves \n  out there, participate in the next quest, go on a few \n  nation runs, and score big with some items!\n\n  - By Begaria\n\n\n\n  @@@  @@@  @@@@@@  @@@@@@@  @@@@@@@   @@@@@@  @@@@@@@ \n  @@!  @@@ @@!  @@@ @@@  @@@ @@!  @@@ @@!  @@@ @@@  @@@\n  @!!!@@@! !!!  !!@ @@@!!!!  !!!!!@@  @@@  !!! !!!!!@@ \n  !!:  !!! !!:  !!! !!: :!!  !!: :!!  !!:  !!! !!: :!! \n   :   : :  : :. :   :   : :  :   : :  : :. :   :   : :\n   \n                      |||||||\n                 ;;;||||||||||||\n             ;;;||||||||||\n           ;;;|||||\n         ;||||                     ,,,,,,\n        ||||                    ,||''   ''||,\n       ,,|||||||,,,          |||'          |||\n     ,||''        '|||,,, ,,||'       &&     |\n     ||     &&         '''.''                |\n     |||,     ,,,,,,,'||','||',,,,,,,     ,|||\n    ,||||||||||||||| || ,|, |||||||||||||||||||\n    ;||||||||||  ,,|||||| |||||   '''||||||||||\n     |||||     |||||||||| |||||||  |    ''||||\n      '   || ,||||||||||  ' ||||||    |||\n            ,||''',,, ;'' ;', ,,,   |  |\n            ,, |' ;|   '  ;   '|  |' ,,\n            ;|     '           '     ;|\n  \n   @@@@@@ @@@  @@@  @@@@@@  @@@  @@@  @@@\n  !@@     @@!  @@@ @@!  @@@ @@!  @@!  @@!\n   !@@!!  @@@!!!@! !!@  !!@ @@!  !!@  @!@\n      !:! !!:  !!! !!:  !!!  !:  !!:  !!\n  ::.: :   :   : :  : :. :    ::.:  :::\n  \n  Finals are to be held on December 5th 2001!\n  \n\n\n  Using only the ten letters below, pack the grid on the next\n  page with words. You may use any letter as often as you \n  like, but don't use the same word twice in the grid. This \n  includes singular and plural versions of the same word, \n  inflected versions of a word (such as LOVE and LOVED), and \n  varient spellings of the same word. Use any word in a \n  standard dictionary, including slang, but don't use \n  capitalized or foreign words, contractions, abbreviations,\n  acronyms, prefixes, or suffixes. After completing the grid,\n  calculate your score by adding up each across row.\n \n  NOTE: Final decisions on the eligibility of a word are left\n  up to the judges.\n \n                  ------------------------------------\n                   |  R  T  M  N  E  S  I  A  L  G  | \n                   |  3  2  5  1  3  4  2  5  4  1  | \n                  ------------------------------------\n\n                                    ___        \nRow 01                          ___|___|___      \nRow 02                         |___|___|___|                     \nRow 03      ___         ___________|___|___________         ___  \nRow 04     |___|       |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|       |___| \nRow 05     |___|_______|___|       |___|       |___|_______|___| \nRow 06     |___|___|___|___|                   |___|___|___|___| \nRow 07              ___|___|_______     _______|___|___          \nRow 08             |___|___|___|___|   |___|___|___|___| \nRow 09                  ___    |___|   |___|    ___         \nRow 10                 |___|___|___|   |___|___|___|      \nRow 11      ___        |___|___|___|   |___|___|___|        ___  \nRow 12     |___|_______|___|   |___|   |___|   |___|_______|___| \nRow 13     |___|___|___|___|                   |___|___|___|___| \nRow 14     |___|_______________             _______________|___| \nRow 15     |___|___|___|___|___|           |___|___|___|___|___| \nRow 16     |___|        ___|___|___________|___|___        |___| \nRow 17     |___|       |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|       |___| \n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Literary Corner - That Wacky Pelmen, by Begaria\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  The rustling of the leaves from the breeze blows through \n  the Vallenwood and surrounding trees.  An owl calls out\n  it's sounds, \"Hoot, hoot, damn this coffee is hot, hoot.\"  \n  Looking up in strange puzzlement, Racin wonders what type \n  of mage is out stalking the streets of Darkhaven playing \n  with the ventriliquate spell.  Well, he though, if I see a\n  robed figure with a steaming mug in its hands, then I know \n  who it is.\n\n  Standing up on the branch he was sitting on, Racin \n  stretched luxirously with a great deal of cracks and pops \n  following thereafter, and started down the branch he was \n  on.  Down and down he climbed until his feet touched the \n  floor of the Guild of Ranger's recall.  Racin liked \n  climbing to the top of the tree to watch the stars overhead\n  when it's nice out.  When the breeze brushes past him with\n  her ever so soft and gentle touch of love, Racin swoons in \n  delight.  It helps him to go up there to clear his mind \n  from the responsibility of being the Guildmaster of the\n  Guild of Rangers.  Well, thought Racin, time to make the \n  rounds around the guild and see what's up.  And he started\n  off to the training grounds of the Guild of Rangers.\n \n  Walking through a natural doorway and stepping on to the\n  carpeted and matted area of the training grounds, Racin \n  stopped and looked around to see the young guilded Rangers \n  working hard.  He spotted one Ranger in particular and went\n  over to talk.\n\n  Racin says, 'Hey Merf, how's it going?'\n  Merf says, 'Pretty good, just making sure these younguns\n  know how to handle there weapons and such.  NO KIRBY, \n  THAT'S A BAD KIRBY! Lowbies these days....'\n  Racin says, \"Any trouble going on?\"  Merf says, \"Nope, \n  nothing I've heard has been happening.  FOR THE LAST TIME \n  KIRBY, QUIT SUCKING IN YOUR OPPONENTS!  YOU'RE SUPPOSED\n  TO HIT THEM WITH YOUR WEAPON NOT EAT THEM!\"\n  <('.')> Kirby apologizes\n  Merf says, \"That's better!\"\n\n  Racin says his goodbyes to Merf and Kirby and leaves the \n  training grounds.  Meanwhile, a black figure slips from the\n  shadows from behind Merf.\n\n  Merf says, 'Man these youngens are too much for me...I need\n  a banana.'\n\n  A banana pops down in front Merf's eyes.  Merf squeals in \n  sudden delight and tries to take the banana.  As soon as\n  Merf's hands touched the banana Kirby opens his mouth up \n  and starts sucking up the banana.  Kirby likes bananas, and\n  clouds, and monsters, and berries, and tomatoes, and \n  anything he can get his lips around.  Merf struggles hard \n  against the sucking attack but it doesn't work too well, as\n  he slipped on the discarded banana and he flew right into \n  Kirby's mouth.  Well, nice knowing ya Merf.\n\n  Racin had just finished surveying the donation room and now\n  he told himself that it was time to hit his office and do \n  some paperwork. So he made his way to his office and went \n  inside.  He plopped himself down into his chair and looked \n  around.  There was no paperwork.\n\n  Sighing with relief, Racin leaned back in his chair and \n  closed his eyes. On and on and on and on he slept and \n  dreamed of warm breezes flowing through his hair and the \n  gentle sound of brushing leaves in the wind. Finally he \n  opened his eyes and all he saw was pure white.  His office\n  was literally covered with man-high piled up papers.  Racin\n  stared in disbelief.  He looked around wildly and his eyes \n  settled on a black covered figure.\n\n  Racin says, 'What the...?!  How'd you do this?'\n  The black robed figure says, \"Well...you see....ahh....\n  ahhh...CHOO!\"\n\n  And at that sneeze, all the papers came tumbling down on \n  top of Racin, knocking him out with a multitude of \n  papercuts.  The figure shrugged and threw off his cape and \n  mask.  It was Pelmen.  Grinning that evil grin of his, he\n  quietly left Racin's office and was immediately sucked up \n  Kirby who gone off from the training room in search for \n  something to eat.  Patting his fat belly, Kirby waddled \n  over to the edge of the Vallenwood and tried to fly down.  \n\n  However, being fat and trying to fly doesn't work well with\n  gravity and so Kirby fell 30 metres to his death on the \n  ground below the tree.  Meanwhile, some mages were carrying\n  some heavy things back from an expedition.  There was one \n  lagging behind since his was a heavy load, he lost his grip\n  and the 30 pound metallic thing fell straight down.  Back \n  at  Kirby's carcass, Racin had just climbed out of Kirby's \n  mouth when the 30 pound metallic thing struck him full on \n  the head, flattening and killing him instantly.  Pelmen \n  also climbed out of Kirby's carcass and started wiping off \n  all the saliva and excess material that had been in Kirby's\n  stomach.  He glanced at the carcass of Kirby and smiled his\n  little evil smile.  He glanced at the flatened shape of \n  Racin and burst out into maniacal laughter.  He stood there\n  laughing for a good ten minutes and couldn't stop laughing.\n  Thoric sees this evil person laughing it up over the death \n  of someone and decides to punish this evil cretin.  Out of\n  nowhere came this MOOOOOOOOOING that MOOOOOVING quite fast\n  to the ground and with pinpoint accuracy towards Pelmen's\n  head.  Pelmen stopped laughing and was just merely \n  chuckling when he noticed his shadow getting bigger.\n\n  Wondering what's happening he starts looking around and \n  finally looks straight up and as his mouth falls down, he \n  stared in horror as his eyes filled up with nothing but a \n  cow's body heading towards him.  Not being able to move, \n  Pelmen is struck by this cow that had been falling for some\n  time and is pushed down into the Earth and straight to the \n  place where Hell is. \"This isn't so bad.\" said Pelmen as he\n  looked around Hell.\n  \"Peanut butter is good.  Peanut butter is good.  Peanut \n  butter is good.\" said a voice in Pelmen's mind and it kept\n  saying that over and over until Pelmen couldn't take it \n  anymore and fell unconcious.  Out of nowhere a cow comes \n  from the sky and strikes Pelmen again, this time, ending \n  his existence.\n \n  By:  Begaria Minal  (A person who has no hard feelings \n    towards Pelmen)\n\n  DISCLAIMER: The Cry accepts no liability for loss of sleep,\n  sanity, or otherwise, caused by the reading of this \n  article. - Ed.\n\n\n  Hiya's, here's a poem of mine I'd thought I'd submit...\n    - Foamfoller\n \n  In times gone past, a man may slay, another in righteous \n     duel\n  and a fair maidens heart could be won, in bitter and bloody\n     rescue.\n  as i wait at dreary stop, mind at journey's end,\n  I dwell on what has been before, and what is today,\n  wishing for a marraige of the two, and a dragon or two to \n     slay.\n \n  Here's another :)\n \n  I gaze upon a lizard, a fire breathing gecko,\n  I grovel before its majesticy, a seventh of a inch high.\n  Oh great reptilian monolith, grant me a boon,\n  cast upon my shadow, a cantrip of travel,\n  set my dreams free.\n \n\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *\n*              Blight of the Earth the Vampire's Chant              *\n*                                                                   *\n*     Fog of death descend on we, power magic's one, two, three.    *\n*            Death of land, Death of sea, Death of air,             *\n*                   Nothing can protect'eth thee.                   *\n*                  Time now comes the fate of man                   *\n*                 Nothing stops the blackened hand.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n*                 Rise from death ye scattered bone                 *\n*              and blight the human race that's known               *\n*               Invoke your power this planet, rape                 *\n*                From Hades grasp you doth escape.                  *\n*             Undead minions in strength you've grown,              *\n*                  Find your prey, let evil roam.                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*            Death of land, Death of sea, Death of air,             *\n*                   Nothing can protect'eth thee.                   *\n*                  Time now comes the fate of man                   *\n*                 Nothing stops the blackened hand.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *(1\/3)* *\n\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *\n*                                                                   *\n*                    Time that Once went round,                     *\n*                   break away and not be found.                    *\n*                  All ye babes to gray white hair,                 *\n*                May wrinkles form from here to there.              *\n*                   Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.                *\n*               Your cities crumble, your weapons rust.             *\n*                                                                   *\n*            Death of land, Death of sea, Death of air,             *\n*                   Nothing can protect'eth thee.                   *\n*                  Time now comes the fate of man                   *\n*                 Nothing stops the blackened hand.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n*                   Love to hate, make hate remain                  *\n*              forever blackened the hearts are stained.            *\n*                The man the wife they fight they hate              *\n*               their peace be ruined, behold your fate.            *\n*                May peace become like distant dream,               *\n*                 Be not realized, this be my scheme.               *\n*                  Peace to war the mortals deem,                   *\n*                  The battle cries are let scream.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *(2\/3)* *\n\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *\n*                                                                   *\n*            Death of land, Death of sea, Death of air,             *\n*                   Nothing can protect'eth thee.                   *\n*                  Time now comes the fate of man                   *\n*                 Nothing stops the blackened hand.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n*               This spell complete the time now come,              *\n*                    we disappear our spirits run                   *\n*                The light be gone, the sun not shine               *\n*                  Give us a break its hard to rhyme                *\n*                   The fog of death rise up high                   *\n*                  spread across, deliver this cry.                 *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n*     -Tinani Blood'Drake                                           *\n*                                                                   *\n*                                                                   *\n* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *(3\/3)* *\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n  Advertisement - The Order of Baali\n  -----------------------------------------------------------\n\n  Introduccion di Baali\n \n  Deep within the recesses of a scarred imagination, we come.\n  Feasting on the living, diablierizing the unliving, we \n  thrive. We multiply. The shadows that shift in the corner\n  of your eye, the bloodcurdling scream of terror heard \n  shrieking in the night, the dark whispers of madness and \n  pain of worlds beyond measure. We are the ultimate \n  expression of beauty, of power, of death. Fear us, for the \n  Dark Gods, they are coming. A new order will begin in the \n  cosmos, one of joy and misery, pain and pleasure, blood and\n  death. We are forever, the unholy fires that burn eternal, \n  scarring your soul, leaving our mark of corruption, leading \n  you to the true path of power, join our sacrifice, and let \n  Ba'al reign supreme again.\n\n    - Submitted by Kador, on behalf of the Order of Baali...\n\n  -----------------------------------------------------------<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Interview: Kinux; Newbie Guide to Player Killing; Realms of Despair 101 dOOo. &#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212; O Oo. .. ,###. O b ;::&#8217; ,,,&#8217;#,:#$#.&#8217;#. &#8216;#. ,,, ,#&#8217; ` Oo.. b;;;; .#&#8217; ` :# &#8216;###, #: .#&#8217; `,,#&#8217;- OooO&#8217;;;;O:: * ##. $# &#8216;#:,,## ##. ::# .o.O.&#8217;qb .P&#8221;- &#8216;#:.,&#8217;,:&#8217; #;&#8217; &#8216;#:,,#&#8217;$# dOo&#8217;oD qoP ,, , ;#&#8217; ,:&#8217; Udo &#8216;#, `&#8221;&#8217;`&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-templates\/full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"class_list":["post-1842","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1842","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1842"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1842\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1849,"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1842\/revisions\/1849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realmsofdespair.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1842"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}